To not take a test

[ThinkingQueSeraSera]

I'm in a strange situation (NC'd for obvious reasons but member since 2009). This will be long, sorry.

I think I'm pregnant. Sore boobs, indigestion (not sure if a symptom but never had before), period is about ten days late.

I know who the father is/could be. He's an on/off boyfriend who I have a great relationship/friendship with overall but am not sure I want to be with. He loves me, he's intelligent, kind, solvent, reliable but I'm too independent/happy on my own to put up with his faults day to day anymore so we are in a state of benign limbo.

I am in a good position to support myself if I am. Good job (although starting new one so will be in the shit maternity pay wise) earning £65k, I own my own flat in central London with a close and supportive friend renting my spare room who basically pays the mortgage. I'm 29, not much family but the few I have are supportive, I have wonderful friends although none have kids yet.

All in all I'm very fortunate. I wouldn't consider an abortion, I had one before and while I'm pro-choice another wouldn't be right for me. So, if I am, it'll be fine. I wanted to be married or at least in a stable relationship but life doesn't always work like that and I'm luckier than many people who have a child and are brilliant single parents.

Here's the AIBU. I'm not going to take a test. I don't want to know yet. I don't drink, I've cut out coffee, I'm avoiding shellfish. I just don't want to know yet. What will be will be. If it's apparent I am in about 6/7 weeks' time I'll bite the bullet but for now I have lots on, a holiday coming up (nowhere dangerous), I live a healthy life anyway and there's no question of a termination.

AIBU to just let it slide for a while and not find out until I really have to? Please be gentle, I'm understandably a little fragile

You will know before 4 weeks time because you won't have had a period in almost two months. Not doing the test won't make any difference to anyone on MN. You need to find out for yourself to prepare yourself and get support IRL if you need it.

You’re not supposed to do yoga in the first 12 weeks. Not saying whether I agree with that or not but pretty sure your yoga teacher would send you away from the class if they knew.

It won't be too late for a scan or testing, they are done between 11-15 weeks. I had mine done at 14 weeks. A midwife won't even see you until at least 10 weeks (in my area).
There's no pressure.
All the best, OP.

I’m still not convinced there’s a pregnancy.

As I said before, surely there would be sickness and bone crushing tiredness?

I know not everyone gets that, but the fact is - most do.

Will your supportive lodger want to share a flat when her/his landlord has a screaming baby?

Haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I've missed anything, but I would do a test. I've just had my fourth child and I could tell that the antenatal resources were stretched compared to my other pregnancies.eg, waiting a long time for appointments such as scans, consultant etc. So I would find out and get yourself booked in if you are. Also if you're 10 days late and that's unusual for you, then it's more likely than not that you are, it's just a matter of confirming it.

Sorry, just seen post explaining re very tolerant/easygoing flatmate

If you're laissez faire, what's the issue with not wanting to know? Of it doesn't matter either way?

Good for you. Just because it's possible to pee on a stick and get an answer on the day your period is due doesn't mean you HAVE to do it. I can see this would be a reasonable way to get your head round potential changes without having to confront them head on.
I imagine the health services often deals with women and girls who are presenting with more mature pregnancies so no big deal.

YANBU too many people jump on the POAS bus. Good luck either way!

I find it a bit odd that you wouldn’t want to find out but as long as you take precautions until you do find out (diet, vitamin, no alcohol etc...), you’ll be fine. I feel like you need some time processing the fact that you might be pregnant. I remember when I fell pregnant that it totally blew my mind. I fell pregnant while on the pill, a month shy of my 42nd birthday and two years after having my health wrecked by a serious illness. I did consider an abortion mainly because of my age, the fact that the guy who got me pregnant reacted pretty badly and I also felt unsure about having to change my lifestyle which had been pretty carefree, workaholic and always out with friends. In the end, there were so many more pros than cons that I couldn’t bring myself to have an abortion ( I am completely pro-choice btw ). I now have a three year old little girl and she’s the best thing that ever happened to me.

All I’m trying to say is that it might feel like a seismic change coming but you’ll able to get your head around it and the rest will fall into place gradually as you seem to have your head screwed on. I certainly wish you all the best.

That’s fine imo. :)

But yes, I would inform myself about testing for Down Syndrom and other tests you may want (or need) to take.

You may also want to consider taking a vitamin D supplement.

How would you feel though dragging it on for weeks convincing yourself you are and then test negative? As you said you are taking precautions anyway so whats the point.

Don't test if you don't want to! No need!!

I sounded a bit blunt. Its up to you whether you test or not but i think the father has a right to know in adequate time too. I alao think you want a baby and if the test is negative how will you handle that? As others have said you need to book scans etc in advance for screenings. Folic acid and take care of yourself

I would test, a friend fell foul of this on her 3rd child, delayed the test, then the docs, and consequently the scan was a bit late and it was a molar pregnancy which was a horrible health thing to go through

Once upon a time nobody knew until they missed their second period. Don't stress, you don't have to take a test unless you want to. Btw yoyr on/off man sounds brilliant, there aren't many like him around. I'd grab him!

Anyone else think this whole post is just an excuse to say she is in her 20s, got a nice flat in London, private healthcare, earns 65k in a new job and will have no problem being a single mother?

Those details certainly aren't relevant to the question she asked.

Yes, I'm not sure why we needed all of that detail to be honest. A simple 'I can support a child myself' is sufficient.

I guess the OP could have explained her salary/where she lives etc to stop posters asking whether she could afford a baby as a lone parent? Perhaps.

@TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag

I think it’s pate and mould ripened soft cheeses you need to avoid completely.

I didn't eat those and DS is four and a half now. Pasteurised soft cheese is fine though, just don't eat the rind - I was so glad to find that out as cheese was the nearest thing to a craving I had and I love brie.

You are going to feel silly if it comes back negative 😁😂 just take a test. If I hadn’t of taken a test when I did I may have died! Ectopic pregnacies are pretty common and life threatening there’s all sorts of things that can go wrong in pregnancy so it’s best for your health to know xxx

Sounds fair enough to me. Slightly different but when I had DC#3 I didn't book in with the GP until about 14 weeks and took myself off for private scans at 8 weeks (I have a history of recurrent mc), 12 weeks and 20 weeks. I had to pay for them as my private health insurance didn't cover stuff like that but I just needed to disengage for a bit after a lot of NHS intervention with previous pregnancies (successful or otherwise). I've never had any of the testing anyway so that didn't change anything. If you feel you can live with not knowing either way (and I'm v impatient so couldn't!) and are happy to live sensibly and not putting any potential baby at risk then why not? Like you say, it's not going to change the outcome but it might delay the onset of the inevitable juggernaut which pregnancy involves.

And for those (presumably with nothing better to do..) attacking OP about setting out her background details then actually I think that info is really helpful in setting the scene and cutting out all the inevitable posts about whether she is able to support a child etc etc.