To not take a test

[ThinkingQueSeraSera]

I'm in a strange situation (NC'd for obvious reasons but member since 2009). This will be long, sorry.

I think I'm pregnant. Sore boobs, indigestion (not sure if a symptom but never had before), period is about ten days late.

I know who the father is/could be. He's an on/off boyfriend who I have a great relationship/friendship with overall but am not sure I want to be with. He loves me, he's intelligent, kind, solvent, reliable but I'm too independent/happy on my own to put up with his faults day to day anymore so we are in a state of benign limbo.

I am in a good position to support myself if I am. Good job (although starting new one so will be in the shit maternity pay wise) earning £65k, I own my own flat in central London with a close and supportive friend renting my spare room who basically pays the mortgage. I'm 29, not much family but the few I have are supportive, I have wonderful friends although none have kids yet.

All in all I'm very fortunate. I wouldn't consider an abortion, I had one before and while I'm pro-choice another wouldn't be right for me. So, if I am, it'll be fine. I wanted to be married or at least in a stable relationship but life doesn't always work like that and I'm luckier than many people who have a child and are brilliant single parents.

Here's the AIBU. I'm not going to take a test. I don't want to know yet. I don't drink, I've cut out coffee, I'm avoiding shellfish. I just don't want to know yet. What will be will be. If it's apparent I am in about 6/7 weeks' time I'll bite the bullet but for now I have lots on, a holiday coming up (nowhere dangerous), I live a healthy life anyway and there's no question of a termination.

AIBU to just let it slide for a while and not find out until I really have to? Please be gentle, I'm understandably a little fragile

Oh and, I love your laisser-faire state of mind

@justvent I didn't have sickness or bone crushing tiredness

The only other thing to consider I suppose is whether your symptoms are signs of something else? If you aren't pregnant would you be worried by the symptoms?

It's not unreasonable not to test. But it's a bit melodramatic and really not "laissez faire" to act as though you're pregnant and make all sorts of plans when you could just have a late period!

You can eat shellfish. Just look at the nhs guidelines for what you can't eat as there are actually very few things. People just love policing what pregnant women can eat and drink.

I 100% get the not wanting to let it take over. Slightly different situation with me in that I was aiming for pregnancy and am but with a history of recurrent miscarriages, wanted to try and put it to the back of my mind rather than obsess. You may (or may not) find, that however much you want to temporarily forget it, your brain will gave other ideas.

Also, I was a young (18) single parent once and I definitely had to wing it. He made it through!

I hope you get the outcome you want :)

I personally find your attitude a tad odd. If you are not you can crack on with your holiday without anything hanging over you, and it will if you still don't know. Plus if you are then there are things you need to do as already mentioned.

If you are I hope you are a bit less laid back as a parent tbh.

UPDATE

I am not pregnant . Period arrived this morning - I checked diary and seems my head was more in the sand than I thought as last one was early November.

I feel a tad silly but mostly relieved and I'm seeing the positives from this little episode:

• my broodiness has gone, I'm 100% relieved
• I realise it's time to cut cord with on/off bf. great person but not right for me so going to transition to friends - or not, if he would rather have space
• I have now registered with a GP which I wouldn't have otherwise! Will book an overdue smear.
• I'm even more excited about holiday now

Thanks again for all advice. I'm going to go back on the pill as well as using condoms now and concentrate on career. Sorry for wasting everyone's time and thanks for your time.

Thanks for the update op! Glad it’s the result you’re happiest with .

Thanks ! I am not ready to care for another human. I've changed my itinerary and am heading to Asia for three weeks on my own instead now! A chance to work a few things out.

I'm pleased its put some things in perspective for you OP. Enjoy the holiday and I hope things work out well for you.

If you're so flippant about potentially bringing a life into the world how about you grow up and get on some contraception? You sound too irresponsible to have a child right now.

@addicted what a shitty comment. That was completely uncalled for. Whether you agree or not there's no need to be a bitch about it.

I didn’t think you would be.
As I said several times sickness and other major symptoms would have happened by now.

Just goes to show not everyone ‘knows’ when they are pregnant. All the times I was convinced I was pregnant, I wasn’t. And the three times I was sure I wasn’t, I very much was!

Best of luck with the future OP.

I was just woundering if your last period was nov could you possibly having a miscarriage? It's something you may need to check as unfortunetly it doesn't always happen naturally. Best of luck to you

I'm glad you got to outcome you wanted, what a relief it must be.
You're right that some positives have come out of this, a GP appointment is a good call to see what could be the cause of this late period.
Amazing traveling plans, enjoy!

Oh do one @Addictedtohavingbabies (such a mature username there, not flippant at all ). I always use protection without fail. Accidents happen.

Thanks to all others. I'm so, so relieved.

Glad you got the outcome you wanted. Enjoy your holiday.

Honestly

OP I'm glad you got the outcome you wanted but I would keep the gp appt unless you are usually quite irregular. Definitely worth getting checked out.

Good luck, OP! Whatever the results of the test are.

My only concern might be that if something happened to me (accident, illness, etc.) that I would probably want to know for definitely or for it to be noted somewhere in case that affected things or if there was a risk to the baby. But imagine they would test anyway?

FFS, just RTFT. My phone didn't load the last few (crucial!) posts

See! It was worth doing the test! Go and enjoy your holidays now

Op, I'd still advise you to take one even though you re bleeding now. Before my third child I fell pregnant and we weren't ready for another so I delayed testing. Then I started bleeding really heavily. However I was being really sick too. Anyway it turned out it was a complete molar pregnancy and I needed a d&c and monitored for six months after.

Having said that, I missed my period for three months and the doctors had no ides why and said if it didn't come month four they'd do further investigations. Then it came the day after that docs appointment!

Hi OP

Glad to hear you got the outcome you were hoping for.

Also that it has helped put things more in perspective for you & to make some life changes etc.

I understood where you were coming from re not testing!

Only thing I'd suggest is maybe take a test anyway to make sure it's def negative? Bleeding in early pregnancy is not uncommon, can be mistaken for a normal-ish period.

Wishing you all the best