To not want the baby clothes?

[otterliegorgeous]

A neighbour has bagged up three bin bags of baby clothes for our imminent arrival.

The problem is, we are very limited on space. It’s a very small two bedroom property with a small lounge and kitchen, bathroom and one normal size bedroom and one tiny one. The small bedroom fits a single bed and chest of drawers.

Also, I don’t like the clothes. We don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl but we’ve been given clothes for both, and this doesn’t matter but they just aren’t really what I would choose. I don’t really want the house filled with clothes they might wear at 6 months, we have babygros .

Would it be really rude to return them?

I'd seal them carefully having taken out a few pieces to put on your dc and store them in the loft.as she grows out of a particular size you can return them to her or recycle if she doesn't want them.but it was a lovely thing to do and good neighbours are like gold dust so I wouldn't want to upset her.
Congratulations on your new baby OP🌼💜🌼💜

donquixote I'm pretty sure I came across the word 'thoughtful' in a previous post. That's why I used it.
It's only 'kind' if you actually ask the person first without assuming they want the stuff.

I had the same OP with my 1st. I had a little girl and my nan's best friends daughter decided to empty her loft and dump 12 black bin liners of clothes ranging from newborn to 6 yr old. It was a very kind gesture, but it all stank from being in the loft and frankly I don't think most of it had been washed before being put up there . It had also been used for 2 kids already, and showed it. It took me hours to sort through it it all with a 3 week old baby ( we were having our garage converted into extra space so the house was up on its end as it was) and I ended up doing a lot of trips to charity shops and the tip as there was literally about 10 items worth keeping. To add insult to injury, I had to get a thank you card and box of chocolates as my nan was very proper.

Passing on bags of clothes when not asked isn't a thoughtful gesture by a long shot!

Why are people worried about offending someone who's dumped bags of clothes on op without asking clearly the neighbour is thoughtless so why go over the top trying not to offend. A thanks but no thanks is fine. Different if op asked for them then changed her mind.

that is dreadful janeayre

otterliegorgeous, given you seem really anxious about your impending motherhood, let me tell you how it doesn't need to be like the horror stories you hear. Obviously for some people it is really tricky, but it isn't inevitable.

My pregnancy was awful, but birth was fine
We were out and about within a few days, and I even went to a party with friends at 2 weeks (baby stayed in with my husband). Sleep was perfectly manageable, because we shared it (even in the early days I was getting at least 6-7 hours a night), and although she was sometimes clingy, we used a sling. I was doing baking, just because I fancied it, going for day trips, and just having a good time with my baby, within a very short time.

I had a lot of clothes (we do have space), but actually it was generally a day outfit and a night outfit. We always kept/keep a spare in our bag, and maybe once a week or so we'd use that. She wasn't a sicky baby, so she'd get changed for freshness rather than being dirty as such.

I had prenatal depression, I required counselling pregnancy to get me through, but it's been a million times easier and more fun than I could ever have imagined.

You may have a sicky colicky baby. You may not.
You may have a baby that wakes every hour, you may not.
You may struggle to go out, you may not.

Until the baby is here, you simply won't know, and even then, the whole experience changes very rapidly as your baby develops.

Remember that the people who struggle (which admittedly some do), will probably be more vocal about it than those that find it a breeze, because no one wants to be smug...

My mum told me never say ‘no thanks’ to someone offering you a ‘gift’. It’s ungracious and they won’t offer again.

Then that is a good thing surely? Who wants to be someone's personal charity shop?

Just out of nosiness did your DH...
knock in the door and speak to neighbour when returning the clothes ?
Or leave a note ?
If a note what did you write ?

I think from what you describe you've done the right thing.

It would be different if your neighbour had asked you and you had accepted but to just dump 3 bags of mixed sex and various ages of clothes is quite rude.

Yes, I really don’t think that’s good advice, sorry. It’s similar with refreshments in some people’s houses: they won’t accept no thank you and are so pushy about food and drink. I learned never to accept tea or cake at DHs grandmothers in the early years we were together even if I was hungry or thirsty as she wouldn’t let up then.

Dh just left them on the doorstep!

Did you even leave a note when you returned them?

I didn’t return them. I don’t know. I don’t imagine he did.

If it's 'good' advice probably depends on whether you want to be given sackfuls of second hand clothes without being asked first, and how you define a good neighbour.
When I had my first baby someone gave me a bag of 2nd hand clothes (without being asked). I sorted through them and the only thing that was any use was a pair of socks.
Just ask first and don't assume anyone else wants second hand stuff.

Unless you have stacks of money, you are going to regret giving back all those clothes in a few months time when you realise just how much all this stuff costs.

Can't actually believe you were annoyed about it and couldn't even be bothered to go through them and keep the best bits.

And the fact you just returned them with no thank you note or anything just makes you look like a total cow.

Your neighbour had probably sorted and washed all those clothes for you.

Well, let’s have a look

To replace the snowsuit in the spring/summer - top end is Boden this was £40 at full price. Steep, but affordable.

Asda however will give me a snowsuit for £14.

S’all good.

I wouldn't want all that stuff either. I would have left them back on their doorstep but with a note saying thank you but we don't need anymore. I hope your dh did leave a note otherwise that is very rude!

A total cow maybe, but one with a lounge I can walk through without falling over.

Where are you going to put the prom high chair baby chair baby bath cot etc

We haven't got to toys yet! Kids take over

It would have taken you 2 seconds to write a thank you note. And yes a snowsuit could be £14, but what about all the other stuff. I have 5 kids, trust me, it really adds up quick.

You just lost yourself spare money, clothes and a nice neighbour. Well done.

Alpaca Unless you have stacks of money you are going to regret giving back all those clothes in a few months time.
Really? I didn't have a pot to piss in when my babies were born and managed to clothe them perfectly well without bags of unwanted second hand clothes.
You also have no idea if the neighbour washed and sorted them. You're just assuming she did.
I do agree she should have put a note in the bag though, saying 'thanks but we already have everything we need' or words to that effect.

Green we have the toys, etc. This is why there is no extra room!

I probably would have written a thanks but no thanks note but dh acted first. Anyway, we returned them in exactly the same way they were given.

You just lost yourself ... a nice neighbour
It really depends on how you define nice, doesn't it? To me nice doesn't mean dumping unwanted second hand stuff on someone's doorstep without asking them first.

"General point to people, please still give your stained / not good enough to sell baby clothes to charity shops rather than binning. If good enough will go to third world, if not it will still be used for textile recycling, nothing is wasted.

@givemesteel is that definitely true? I never know what to do with stained clothes and don't dare give to charity in case they can't use them, and I'm essentially making them sort through poo stained vests for no reason...."

I volunteered at a charity shop for a couple of years, they had a rag bin that all the stuff not suitable for sale went into and that was collected by the rag man for recycling. Might not be the same for all but worth an ask.

OP, we were inundated with clothes when DD was a newborn. My mother in law went completely insane and bought tonnes of stuff. Completely impractical outfits that were difficult to get on and off in the event of a nappy explosion, bought simply because it was cute. People sent bags and bags of second hand stuff. Most of it never got worn or worn for a very short time before it was grown out of. Some kids go through clothes like nothing on earth, some don't, you won't know till they are here. Don't feel bad about refusing items when space is limited. I know exactly where you are coming from on the tiny house front. It's a pain in the bum. You'll figure it out though. Vacuum bags are your friend.

Also FWIW, my baby was born in November and has never needed a snow suit. And we live in the north. Thin layers are the way to go rather than one big bulky one. Much easier to remove or add on if needs be.

Your neighbour had probably sorted and washed all those clothes for you.

You have no idea whether this is the case or not.

As for money, you probably have spent a lot on 5 kids but that's of dubious relevance to someone with one on the way. The reality is that it's possible to kit out babies for very little (often free, since bags of clothes that people just want taken because they need the space can generally be had on local Facebook groups).

With specific regards to the snowsuit, in the unlikely event that OP does find herself in need of a 3-6 month sized snowsuit for baby born in late Jan-early Feb, these are available on Ebay for a pound or two. Even cheaper than Asda new!

In contrast, housing space is expensive. OP has already stated that they don't have a lot of room in their house, and might need to move at some point even without doing things like storing baby clothes several months ahead. With this in mind, it is fucking hatstand to suggest storing clothes that are very unlikely to be needed and can be obtained very cheaply if they are, as some kind of cost saving measure.

I always put my babies in snowsuits, but a lot of people don't.