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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the baby clothes?

323 replies

otterliegorgeous · 06/01/2018 22:08

A neighbour has bagged up three bin bags of baby clothes for our imminent arrival.

The problem is, we are very limited on space. It’s a very small two bedroom property with a small lounge and kitchen, bathroom and one normal size bedroom and one tiny one. The small bedroom fits a single bed and chest of drawers.

Also, I don’t like the clothes. We don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl but we’ve been given clothes for both, and this doesn’t matter but they just aren’t really what I would choose. I don’t really want the house filled with clothes they might wear at 6 months, we have babygros .

Would it be really rude to return them? Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
otterliegorgeous · 07/01/2018 09:34

Probably octo but I won’t leave them on pregnant women’s doorsteps!

Thanks for comments Smile

OP posts:
Beamur · 07/01/2018 09:34

OP, for some reason people feel compelled to share their horror stories with pregnant women. Goodness knows why.
Birth is no picnic for sure, but most women have straightforward deliveries, heal and are fine. Heck, some even go back for more.
Babies can be hard work, but I've found having a child to be great fun and really rewarding, despite the odd horrible day.
Best of luck!

IsaSchmisa · 07/01/2018 09:34

Jesus, so are me and DH really going to be confined to the house until May at least and unable to click ‘buy’ on the Mothercare, M & S or John Lewis website?

No, of course you're not. A few people just said some stupid shit and are now scrabbling around to try and back it up. Then also, discussions inevitably attract people who are at the extremes, as anything does when people are talking about averages (see also average income threads). So of course there are people whose 4 month old was in 12-18 month clothing and vice versa, but this is statistically unlikely to happen to you. Same with vomiting constantly for the first 6 months etc- these posters aren't lying but they're also not representative. It's perfectly logical to think you'll take your chances with that if it comes.

(It is worth remembering that sizes vary between brands too, so an M and S size 3-6 months isn't likely to be the same size as an Asda 3-6 months: that's one of the few useful things to have come out of this discussion.)

Fwiw I actually was too ill to go out for ages after one of my births, but online ordering was still a thing.

frogsoup · 07/01/2018 09:35

It would have been helpful to state how much you are struggling in at the start, because it would have changed the tone of the replies you got... You'll be fine, anyway. I did find the first year v hard indeed, but it can't have been that bad all things considered because I went on to do it twice more Grin

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 07/01/2018 09:35

It was rude to give them back, you should have asked what she would like you do do with them once the baby has outgrown them. When she said charity shop you should have donated them or given them to a refuge - there are so many people desperately for baby clothes. Taking them to a charity shop is not difficult and many refuges have volunteers to collect.

Newborn stuff won't last long. You don't have to accept donations but at least say what you actually mean: you don't want second hand clothes for PFB. And that's fine, but don't make out that she was unreasonable for donating them to you!

Anditstartsagain · 07/01/2018 09:35

Wow op your getting a hard time. I'm with you I would not be greatful for 3 bin bags of unwanted clothes being left at my door. I don't have space to store and hate clutter so it would annoy me and I would give back. I have 2 children and have never run out of clothes I just kept up to date with washing and I had one non sleeping high needs lactose intolerant baby and one relfux velcro baby with a school run to do, it's possible to make sure you don't run out.

I can't believe that people think you should take stuff you don't need or want.

Original poster
otterliegorgeous · 07/01/2018 09:35

It only came relevant when the baby jail posts cane in!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 07/01/2018 09:37

You’ll be ok OP. Parenthood is tough but it’s also amazing beyond expectation too.

The love and intimacy and fiery protective emotions you will feel (maybe not instantly, but eventually) will be joyful.

Kids can be very, very funny. And surprising.

Birth can be difficult but everyone’s experience is different and you will come away knowing what a rockstar you are. Also don’t be worried about having an epidural/drugs - have them!

It’s scary because it’s totally new and unlike anything else but it’s an adventure full of wonderful stuff as well as crap to endure. And you will endure the crap for amazing reasons.

blueskyinmarch · 07/01/2018 09:38

Oh for goodness sake folks. The OP was dumped with 3 bags of clothes she nether wanted or needed and she is supposed to be grateful? Get a grip. Returning them was the right thing to do. The neighbour can pass them on to someone else or take them to the charity shop herself. it is not the OP's job to take stuff that doesn't belong to her to the charity shop!

user7654321 · 07/01/2018 09:38

OP I agree with you, it’s rude for someone to dump their unwanted stuff on your doorstep. I have a friend that tries to give me her hand-downs constantly which I hate and it’s really difficult to say no without being rude. For me, The main reason is that I actually don’t want to put my baby/toddler into previously worn clothes and never will (just like I’d never wear anything second hand myself). I know that sounds unreasonable/ridiculous/snobby as we’re certainly not made of money so I would never admit that to anyone in real life, but I think it’s a bit of OCD or something!! Sounds stupid but I’d rather he wear new asda or primark than second hand designer!!

noeffingidea · 07/01/2018 09:40

Agree with Beamur. You really hear the worst of it on Mumsnet.
I've had 3 babies, never had any difficulty in getting out 'with a newborn in tow' or needed massive bags of baby clothes. It's fine as long as you have one of those useful contraptions known as a washing machine and a means of drying them quickly.

Snowman41 · 07/01/2018 09:40

didn’t. They were left on the doorstep with a note.

Well that changes things. It would have been better to mention this sooner.

Just take them back and say thanks but no thanks.

monkeysox · 07/01/2018 09:40

I raise you.
Two black bags full of wet washed clothes (2 dc under 2 and my second child same gender as my sil dc)
Smallest dc a week old.
Sil helpfully "loaned" us them. Without so much a thought of how to distinguish these clothes from everything else we had.
Confused

heckythump01 · 07/01/2018 09:41

Cant believe some of the responses on here! gosh some mumsnetters really are rude and ott! Well done op, your neighbour should have asked! I would have taken them back aswell!

Original poster
otterliegorgeous · 07/01/2018 09:41

I mentioned it on the first page! Grin

Blimey monkey

OP posts:
CalypsoValdez · 07/01/2018 09:43

op, I had a puker with reflux and it really wasn't a big deal. yes his clothes got changed a lot but I had a washing machine rather than having to go down to the river to bash them on stones so I didn't feel the need to own the entirety of Mothercare! As you say, it's easy enough to get some more if you've got it wrong and you're also likely to get given some when the baby is born.

It may have helped that I prefer to dress pre-crawlers in babygros rather than tops, trousers etc so I didn't have loads of different things to change everything he threw up. But he was a fantastically happy child and ok, the washing machine ran at least daily, so what. Don't let predictions worry you.

donquixotedelamancha · 07/01/2018 09:43

Loling at people who think it's kind and thoughtful to give people second hand stuff without asking them first.

Not one person said it was thoughtful. Of course it's better to ask. Bit strange to find the idea it was meant kindly laughable.

StillTryingHard · 07/01/2018 09:50

Laugh it off as the start of your crazy parenting journey when people will give you all sorts of odd things - as will your kids themselves!

But don't return bags. That would be rude. Stash em. Wash em again. And fold them when your nesting instinct sticks in. Then they can go to charity when you do the big 6 month and 1 year kids clothes charity drop.

Slartybartfast · 07/01/2018 09:54

Can I ask in what way is your loft inaccessible? and Can you or you DH make it accessible.
with a small house i find a loft vital

Loonoonow · 07/01/2018 09:55

Slightly off topic I know but you don't have to throw torn or worn stained clothes in the bin. Bag them up and label them 'rags' and donate to the charity shop with your other 'good' donations. Rags can be sold by weight so will provide income for the charity.

KingLooieCatz · 07/01/2018 09:56

I find it really frustrating when people can't imagine anyone being in a different situation form themselves.

I had a tiny house with no storage space when DS was born. 3 bin bags of clothes would have been a real storage issue.

Where we lived at the time was not handy for charity shops. Culture shock for me as I had previously always been able to pop out and drop off a few bits, but where I lived at the time it was a real trip and would have been even more so without a car. Probably would have required a train journey. Some people find this impossible to imagine.

FWIW I think the neighbour dropped the stuff off without discussion because they knew they weren't doing you a favour.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 07/01/2018 09:57

@otterliegorgeous, you 100% did the right thing returning the bags.
Your neighbour saw an opportunity to get rid of her rubbish, I had this, be it years ago. At the time I was very young and shy, so didn't know what to do with the stained vests and pants, boys/girls/baby clothes on my step, left by my fearsome neighbour. Luckily my husband sorted it.
Most of the clothes were only fit for the bin, I kid you not.
Anyway, well done. 💐

Slartybartfast · 07/01/2018 09:57

your refuse council may also take rags and/or clothes.
there are also clothing/rag bins near most supermarkets, alongwith the bottle bank.

mrsquadsticles · 07/01/2018 09:57

My mum told me never say ‘no thanks’ to someone offering you a ‘gift’. It’s ungracious and they won’t offer again.

I’d go through the bags, take out the few bits I do like and ask if the neighbour minds me donating it to a charity once I’m finished.

Then you call up a charity to collect.

Don’t under estimate how hard it is to ‘give up’ your baby’s first clothes (my husband found me sniffing and crying into mine before I gave them away Blush), how quickly they grow and how expensive it is to clothe them.

Enjoy your baby- the days are long but the years are short- enjoy every minute and congrats.

DavetheCat2001 · 07/01/2018 09:58

There's a bloke across the road from us who likes to dump his crap onto us supposedly for our kids.

Highlights were a set of flashcards when DS was about 6 months old that were all stuck together with an unidentifiable substance and ripped, a broken baby play gym and storybooks with pages missing.

He is an example of someone who simply can't be bothered to go down to the charity shop himself or check to see if the stuff he is trying to offload is actually usable. My next door neighbour confirmed that she has also been offered bags of tat she can't use.

He also leaves broken stuff outside his front gate with notes on saying 'help yourself'..ie take this away as I don't want to pay for the council to pick it up/take it to the dump etc.

I just say no (politely) now if he starts asking me if I could use an x, y or z.