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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the baby clothes?

323 replies

otterliegorgeous · 06/01/2018 22:08

A neighbour has bagged up three bin bags of baby clothes for our imminent arrival.

The problem is, we are very limited on space. It’s a very small two bedroom property with a small lounge and kitchen, bathroom and one normal size bedroom and one tiny one. The small bedroom fits a single bed and chest of drawers.

Also, I don’t like the clothes. We don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl but we’ve been given clothes for both, and this doesn’t matter but they just aren’t really what I would choose. I don’t really want the house filled with clothes they might wear at 6 months, we have babygros .

Would it be really rude to return them? Blush

OP posts:
killforcarrots · 07/01/2018 14:20

So, OP has no space for future wanted presents, toys etc given by relatives and friends yet some posters think she should clear her loft to store unwanted, unsolicited clothes from neighbour that will take up space for stuff she actually wants and needs?

OP nothing wrong with politely returning them and leaving them on your neighbours doorstep, just as she did to you. Don't feel bad or guilty.

Shmithecat · 07/01/2018 14:24

Return them OP. I wouldn't want them either. And don't feel guilty. You're not obliged to take them!

ATeardropExplodes · 07/01/2018 14:58

Do you get these bags OP? It's been the answer to all of my prayers. I have 3 kids and still, friends and neighbours inundate me with their stuff, as if we need more!

Just say no?

Nopenonot · 07/01/2018 16:17

OP I have a similarly small house and it's no trouble at all to saying no to sorting through other people's second hand stuff. We had barely anything for DS because he was prem, and we still managed, and I certainly never had the regrets some people seem sure of.

Incidentally, we have a loft that we can see into at the top of a ladder, but can't actually climb into because it's too high for a normal ladder. To make it otherwise we'd have to spend a small fortune on loft ladders etc. Not worth it at all.

TwinklyGiraffe · 07/01/2018 16:44

I’ve only read to page 9!

OP - you did the right thing giving back the clothes!

In the circumstances, you are definitely not being ungrateful and TBH if the neighbour thinks that you are, are you really going to be that bothered?

53rdWay · 07/01/2018 16:51

We had a small house with #1, and it wasn’t possible to use the loft either. There was really no room spare to keep a pile of stuff we didn’t need or want ‘just in case’. We rented a storage unit eventually to offload the landlord’s furniture and make room for ours, but I wouldn’t have bothered with that just to store a few bin bags of second-habpnd clothes. Don’t blame you at all for handing the clothes back!

Don’t get why people are telling the OP “if you think you don’t have room now, just wait until the baby’s here!” She doesn’t have room now. What’s she supposed to do, start burrowing into the foundations to make a cave for a Jumparoo?

Tessliketrees · 07/01/2018 16:56

It's tradition.

You get bin bags full of shite that you don't want and get to pass bin bags full of shite to the next pregnant woman you see.

I gave some untouched bin bags I was given directly to my cousin without opening them. They may be the same ones you have!

Vitalogy · 07/01/2018 17:43

I don't think I could have given the bags back until I'd had a rummage through, I'm too nosey.

maddnessintheroost · 08/01/2018 13:31

If she doesn't want them back give them to a charity shop or hand them back saying thank you but we have lots of clothes and you thought they could regift to another person in need

somebodythinkofthechildren · 08/01/2018 13:45

OP, YANBU and I would've returned them too. I hate clutter, even if it is 'generously' gifted. You're going to have enough random shit lying around when the baby arrives. Thanks

Funnyface1 · 08/01/2018 13:59

I'm with you op. A school mum foisted a load of clothes onto me when I had my DD. It was bags and bags of stuff that would be age inappropriate when the weather turned, stuff that looked like 5 kids had already used it, stuff I just didn't like... etc.

Maybe she thought she was doing a really nice thing but for me it was just another thing to deal with. I was inundated with brand new things as it was so would never have made it to the hand me downs.

I thanked her and donated them to charity. I think it's easier if people just ask first!

Also, no you won't be confined to the house for the first 6 months of your child's life and I doubt you'll need a snowsuit in July but if you do you'll be able to choose one you like from the internet.

hibbledibble · 08/01/2018 13:59

Ive read this through to the end, and wow!

Op I think it was rude to not even leave a polite note to the neighbours eg 'thank you for the clothes but we have enough already'.

Passing on baby clothes is generally seen as a nice thing to do. When I was pregnant with my first I would have been overjoyed if neighbours had left me clothes.

I understand you have no storage space, but manners cost nothing, and it would have been polite to at least say thank you to yhe neighbour.

Alpacaandgo · 08/01/2018 14:14

anyway we returned them in exactly the same way they were given

Except you didn't because you didn't have the courtesy to at least leave a note with them.

RoomOfRequirement · 08/01/2018 14:20

I don't think you're wrong to feel the way you do about not wanting them or having space for them - that's fine.

But you lost me when you just put them back on her doorstep without a note of thanks, but no thanks. Whatever reason you've decided the neighbour gave you these for, she probably thought she was being nice or helpful! Not even a thank you note, seriously?

QuimReaper · 08/01/2018 14:28

MIL had a clearing-out frenzy a while ago and kept dumping bin bags and bin bags of stuff on me. I kept two blouses and a cardigan out of all of it. She kept saying "you can just put whatever you don't want on eBay" but clearly had no idea how incredibly time-consuming eBaying stuff is! I did eBay several bits from the first dump, and when the second one came I think I maybe eBayed a skirt which looked like it was a good label, but the third one went straight to the charity shop. That said, she did also give me a pair of boots which were in terrific nick and fetched a fortune on eBay, which made up for it a bit!

Honestly I agree it isn't always a kindness to pass your problematic clutter on to someone else. By the third "you can just eBay it" dump I did want to say "did it occur to you that you could eBay it?!" Hmm

Now we're getting the same thing with her father's belongings since she's been clearing out his flat. Solitaire bridge set, anyone? Confused

QuimReaper · 08/01/2018 14:29

I do think a note with the bags would have been polite though. I couldn't just dump them back on the doorstep myself.

LemonysSnicket · 08/01/2018 14:31

Put them in the doorstop collection bags when you next get one.

nocampinghere · 08/01/2018 14:37

YDNBU !!

She didn't ask you she just dumped them for you to sort through. I really don't think she was being overly kind or generous, she was just clearing out and thought you might use them.

You don't want them, let her dispose of them, it's not up to you and you're at risk of her asking for them back / or for some item back to "pass on" or querying you when your baby isn't wearing any of them. Honestly the best thing here is to be honest and say you just don't need them and don't have space to store them. I'm sure she won't be offended, a bit miffed maybe that she now has to deliver them to a charity shop.

There's far too much overthinking going on on this thread imo.

Pollaidh · 08/01/2018 14:57

Fine to return then, but it would be polite to stick a thank you card through the door explaining that she's really kind but...

ineedwine99 · 08/01/2018 15:09

OP please don't stress re the birth and baby. I got told to enjoy sleep while i could, make the most of quiet evenings and easy days out and your holidays etc. Here's my baby: (i'm probably going to get flamed but i want to show you you can get easy babies to try and help counter the scare stories)
The birth was pretty straight forward, baby is a dream, slept well from the start, 2 night feeds, dropped to 1 at 2 weeks old, slept 7-7 from about 3 months, gave up the dummy on her own, feeds well, goes to bed at 7 so we get our evenings free. I always have a changing bag in the car for spontaneous days out, all we need to do now is decide which pushchair or carrier to take. Holidays have also remained the same, at 10m old we took her on a 3 week driving holiday to the US, she was great!
It can happen, it isn't necessarily going to hugely difficult all the time.
She's been sick 5 times, she's 17m old, twice due to norovirus, twice due to tummy bug, once due to going in her carrier too soon after eating.
Most difficult time we had was she had silent reflux at 8 weeks old, at 10 weeks she was on Gaviscon and that stopped the problem. She wore 1 outfit in the day, another at night. No poo explosions etc.
I can see why you don't want a ton of clothes, we didn't either, same with toys.
FWIW i also don't drive so got the bus to town, changing bag was always stocked with nappies/wipes etc so was just add bottles/bibs/food, got baby ready about 15 mins before the bus was due, made sure to be at the bus stop about 5 mins before (live bus tracker app is fantastic!)
All the best OP and enjoy your lovely new baby, please please try not to stress

RazzleMazzle · 08/01/2018 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Finklestein1984 · 08/01/2018 15:45

Hey! It’s fine. I was terrified childbirth would be awful and life would be over. I had 10 days of thinking I’d made a huge mistake and after that - it’s been fine. A few days here and there wanting to rub away. I had a caesarean so couldn’t drive for 4 weeks. Had an 8lb 5 baby who didn’t fit into any newborn clothes. I managed. I went out every day in the first few weeks. Had coffee in Costa, walked round the park. Once I was healed up, I never stayed at home. You will be fine. And as for the clothes? Who really gives a crap - do what you want with them, you only have to answer to yourself. You gave them back and you were happy with that. Job done. Xxx

GreyCloudsToday · 08/01/2018 16:03

Wow, I'm surprised people are so precious about what their baby wears!

DinkyDaisy · 08/01/2018 16:59

I would stick a belated note through her door thanking her for her kind offer but have everything you need.
No note is appallingly rude....

StripySocks1 · 08/01/2018 17:26

Op you’ve done the right thing giving them back. Babies don’t need that many clothes, despite what people tell you! Mine is 12 months old and in that 12 months I’ve had to change her outfit during the day once, she wears the same baby grow through the day and at night.
And really there’s no need for 2nd hand clothes when supermarkets sell baby clothes so cheaply, I know some people like 2nd hand clothes to save the planet etc but they’re just not for me, everything I’ve been given 2nd hand has gone straight to the charity shop.
Please don’t worry about the birth, I think people really exaggerate birth stories, obviously it hurts but once the pain is over then it’s over and it’s not like breaking a limb where it keeps on hurting, it’s very like period pain and once you’ve pushed through it you’re so fixated by your baby you won’t remember it. Good luck!