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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the baby clothes?

323 replies

otterliegorgeous · 06/01/2018 22:08

A neighbour has bagged up three bin bags of baby clothes for our imminent arrival.

The problem is, we are very limited on space. It’s a very small two bedroom property with a small lounge and kitchen, bathroom and one normal size bedroom and one tiny one. The small bedroom fits a single bed and chest of drawers.

Also, I don’t like the clothes. We don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl but we’ve been given clothes for both, and this doesn’t matter but they just aren’t really what I would choose. I don’t really want the house filled with clothes they might wear at 6 months, we have babygros .

Would it be really rude to return them? Blush

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 07/01/2018 09:17

to just dump bin bags with a mix of clothes for boys and girls and at different ages and sizes isn’t helpful

It would be to a lot of people. I really appreciated that people did this for us.

Personally I hate the waste of baby clothes and would rather most of them were second hand, but some people would rather buy new. Either way, offering you something as a gift is not 'dumping' or 'usinging you as a bin' it is (at worst) thoughtless but kind.

I hope you can manage to at least appear polite and gracious IRL to those who try to be helpful to your new child. Congratulations BTW.

I just really am not a fan of clutter, it stresses me out.

Yeah, neither was I. It's just a case of how soon you surender.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/01/2018 09:18

You didn’t sound ungrateful OP. You sounded rational and not grovelling with guilt about not wanting something.

Baubletrouble43 · 07/01/2018 09:19

I hope you don't have a puker and live to regret this! I was given a ridiculously huge stash of boys baby clothes by a neighbour that were absolutely not to my taste. I'm so glad I stashed them under the bed as both my (girl) twins were the pukiest babies ever and got through someimes 6 babygros EACH a night and several more outfits a day, I couldnt count. I would have run out of clothes and had a nervous breakdown if it wasn't for my neighbours kind donation. In those circumstances I didn't give a fuck what I dressed them in as long as it was clean and dry!

Pugsleypugs · 07/01/2018 09:19

OP, FWIW, I don't think you were unreasonable to return the clothes. You didn't ask for them, you didn't want them (your perogotive) and you don't have space for them. Simple.

Steeley113 · 07/01/2018 09:20

@ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual I love shorts for this reason! I’m hoping to get another 2 years out of my oldest pairs before I bin them Grin I’m expecting a girl next so unfortunately they won’t get another round of use 😂

Baubletrouble43 · 07/01/2018 09:20

So yes, it is sometimes helpful to dump a mixed bag of baby clothes whatever they are to an expectant mum. She sounds kind and you sound a bit ungrateful tbh.

Original poster
otterliegorgeous · 07/01/2018 09:20

Seriously, if we have a puker/giant child who doesn’t fit into 3-6 months then there is an Asda ten minutes away by foot, a huge Tesco seven minutes away by car and a whole town centre full of shops ten minutes away by car.

Thanks for the replies, sorry about any tone - unintentional.

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 07/01/2018 09:22

its a shame the neighbour didnt ask you first op. then this whole discussion would have been different. you felt overwhelmed by the bags i get that.

IsaSchmisa · 07/01/2018 09:22

Some babies grow at unpredictable rates. Most don't. The odds of OP needing a 3-6 month snowsuit for a baby born in around February are not high, and even if they were, it's perfectly rational to decide she'd rather pony up a tenner in the unlikely event of a July snowstorm. Probably even less if she just has a very small baby who's still in 3-6 months by October or November, since there'd be some advance warning then and you can get used snowsuits on Ebay for a pound easy enough.

Steeley113 · 07/01/2018 09:22

I think you underestimate what getting out with a newborn in tow (especially if it’s a puker) is like Grin

donquixotedelamancha · 07/01/2018 09:23

For what it’s worth, babies grow at unpredictable rates.

Yep. DN was bigger at 5 months than DD2 at 18 months. I think he'd grown of of newborn stuff by two weeks and out of 3-6 clothes by 2 months old.

Slartybartfast · 07/01/2018 09:24

my neighbour did this to me, with her cast offs, i think i tried to take them back but she said What you dont want Give them to charity !

Rudolph85 · 07/01/2018 09:24

Tell her you thank you but you don't want them but in a polite way.

frogsoup · 07/01/2018 09:24

Apologies. I didn't want to scare you. I was just trying to point out that you are saying that small things are an effort now, so it is quite likely that they will remain so after the baby is here. There's a middle ground between 'keep 18mo worth of baby clothes' and 'only keep the exact size you need'. I had a tiny house too with my first. I still think it's sensible to have clothes 'in stock' for six months past a baby's current size, because they grow fast and it's one less thing to worry about. This would have been an easy win in terms of getting ahead with that. But it isn't disaster of the century Smile

Original poster
otterliegorgeous · 07/01/2018 09:24

Jesus, so are me and DH really going to be confined to the house until May at least and unable to click ‘buy’ on the Mothercare, M & S or John Lewis website?

Really?

Come on now. I get some of you think I was ungrateful/unreasonable but it’s just daft talk now.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 07/01/2018 09:25

I think you underestimate what getting out with a newborn in tow (especially if it’s a puker) is like

I think OP sounds like she's underestimating every single aspect of parenthood, but we probably all did that.

Seriously OP- it's hard, but it's not that bad, and it really is fab being a parent.

Original poster
otterliegorgeous · 07/01/2018 09:26

And, tbh, I have really, really struggled with depression in this pregnancy due to this sort of talk. I really feel like my life is over, childbirth is going to rip me in half and I’m going to hate motherhood. It’s horrible. I don’t know why people do it Sad

OP posts:
IsaSchmisa · 07/01/2018 09:28

Bauble I think having twins is a relevant factor you'd need to control for there!

To be honest, it’s hard enough being heavily heavily pregnant and I have had an awful pregnancy, no support, and then people saying ‘ooh, it’s going to be awful and you’ll never get out and the time will come when in the middle of July you will thank those lucky stars for a snowsuit’ doesn’t help!

Yes, the last few weeks can be so bloody tough.

Best thing to do is take this as a useful introduction to all the batshit 'advice' people often offer you when you're a parent. The implausible insistence that you will be desperate for the snowsuit and rue the day you returned it is, believe it or not, not likely to be the last daft claim anyone makes wrt the care of your child.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 07/01/2018 09:29

I'm afraid your tone is pretty rude and dismissive, OP.

Clothes sizes, especially baby clothes sizes, aren't an exact science. They can vary hugely from brand to brand and item to item. Plus taking the age designations literally is often a mistake. My dd currently fits into 9-12 month sleepsuits and 12-18 month vests from M&S and her 12-18 month Boden tights are getting too small, as are her 12-24 month Boden hats.

I do feel your pain about being a clothes dump. Our kids span a wide age range and are small for their ages so we get a LOT of stuff passed on. Some of it is thoughtfully done, we can really use the stuff and I am grateful, other times I hate the stuff and I am clearly being used as a convenient alternative to the charity shop. But I have no desire to create bad feeling so I say thank you, pick out the stuff I can use (a surprisingly large amount, considering how many clothes kids get through) and dispose of the rest.

Original poster
otterliegorgeous · 07/01/2018 09:29

I’ve already had it and I’m not kidding, I actually wanted to terminate the pregnancy because of people saying such awful things about childbirth and being a parent, but dh was so upset when I said I wanted to that I didn’t.

I actually feel sick at the thought of giving birth.

OP posts:
ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 07/01/2018 09:30

You will be ok OP.

Even if it's very, very difficult, you love your little baby so much that you somehow find strength. You even enjoy it a lot of the time.

My second dc has been hard work - another puker, very little sleep - but my word he's a corker. And it's ok, despite all the hard stuff. And I've always managed to get out and about very easily. I appreciate everyone might not, but it is absolutely not a given that you're going to be crying in a corner from a traumatic childbirth, unable to leave the house for the piles of poo and sick.

If you do find these difficult, speak to someone like your MW, GP or HV asap and they will help. Don't suffer on alone.

Stay positive OP Flowers

Beamur · 07/01/2018 09:30

Some people like to use pre-loved stuff, some don't. I have friends who happily take my DD's grown out things others would be horrified to even be offered them.
If these clothes are of no use to you, then pass them on. If your neighbour asks, say thank you, but you already had bought all the baby things you wanted and had no more room.
She may get the hint and not give you more. I don't think you're being rude or ungrateful.
I used to get the odd large bag of kids clothes from friends and would sit out the bits I liked then pass the rest on, I didn't feel obliged to keep things I didn't like or that were a bit shabby.

octonaught · 07/01/2018 09:31

vigga.us/in-english/

Not necessarily for the OP but Danish company rents baby clothes.
Organic, reduces clutter
in a year, the op will have 3 bin bags of baby clothes to ditch

noeffingidea · 07/01/2018 09:31

Loling at people who think it's kind and thoughtful to give people second hand stuff without asking them first. No it isn't.
I'd just return them and say no thank you politely.

Wineasaurous · 07/01/2018 09:33

@otterliegorgeous don't worry, half the people on here think that if anyone shows you a kindness or gives you any sort of gift, you have to accept it- whether it is needed, wanted or a massive inconvenience.
In reality, it was a lovely gesture, but that doesn't mean it has to be accepted. It would impact your life in a way you didn't want.
If she had of asked you if you wanted them, then you wouldn't have been put in this position. PEOPLE NEED TO USE THEIR WORDS!!