To despair of children’s Christmas presents

[Yura]

I just packed a huge charity bag with unusable Christmas presents - why oh why do people not ask? And why do they not listen to the answers?
Loads of Lego - child likes the bricks, but not cars. It’s all cars (5 boxes)
Clothes with polyester - both kids have eczema that is triggered by polyester. Everybody around us know that as it took us ages to get wearable school uniform for the oldest. A bag full going to the charity shop with labels attached.
Warm winter clothes 9-12 months size up for the baby. He is in 3-6 months now, they would fit in summer (Polyester anyway, so can’t use them)
2 part pyjamas for the baby? Polyester anyway so he can’t wear them, but 2 parters for a 7 month old?
A book on “ scary dinosaurs” for a very sensitive 6 year old suffering from nightmares (we’ll keep that actually, maybe the baby will like it when he’s older)
I’m thankful that people give us presents, but we end up giving 90% unopened/labels attached to the charity shop, it’s such a waste.

And your comment that son won't regift "stupid" presents is cringeworthy. You're passing on your awful attitude!!

Why don't you give the Lego to the school. Most KS2 classes have boxes of Lego for wet weather play. Shame about the pyjamas I would ask if they could be exchanged for cotton. It would remind the giver as well.

As for being a a waste ...well not really the charity shops will be delighted but I know what you mean the giver and your children have lost out. Maybe next year hand out a list to relatives on a Christmas Stocking or suggest cinema tickets that can be used all year.

There is nothing "stupid" about Lego cars . 5/6 is the prime age for Dinosaur books, what exactly does he find scary about dinosaurs??
You sound almost ridiculously ungracious about the gifts he's been given, and your child is obviously a chip off the old block.
He'd refuse to give a Lego car as a gift to his friends because they would also deem it stupid?
You're in grave danger of raising a brat.

The dinosaur book sounds like something most six year olds would love so it's not an unreasonable gift.

@lifechallenges i teach him to be greateful for the thought, to say thank you even if he doesn't like it. not sure what is so terrible?
he doesn't like cars, never has been into cars, snd we got tons of them ocer the years. we opened one or two, they are not useable for anything but being cars sadly (we've taken other stuff apart and use it, its not possible with these)

You sound so ungrateful.

We received Lego cars too and they definitely can be used for creative play. And the book about dinosaurs is silly, keep it. Your child may want to read it in the future.

The clothes must be annoying in terms of polyester but 2 piece pjs are fine for babies.

In that case OP, say you aren't doing presents this year but if they insist, then a voucher would be great as DS is such a fusspot (I mean that nicely by the way, make it lighthearted).

But seriously, the Lego is great even if there's no bricks. My kids have all their Lego separated into colours rather than sets and add bits of cars/lights/wheels to their buildings and forts.
Also separating Lego into colours is great way to entertain them for an hour or two.

Omg op. You sound awful. People do their best I've no doubt. They are busy and tired and amazingly have forgotten the niceties of your children's preferences. They have a lot of crap on their minds you know.

Such a pity their effort is actually so wasted on you.

and yes, its hard to explain to a 6 year old that he won't be able to ever wear his favorite character pyjamas (pokyester, again) - and to still write a thank you note for them.

Why is hard? You can teach him to say thank you for the thought, the time, effort and money spent on buying the present. Even if it wasn’t to his / your taste. What happened to the ‘it’s the thought that counts’?

Be brave and ask people not to buy you anything in future. Explain that you are very fussy and don't have room in the house for unwanted presents. I would love someone to tell me this - I'd be more than happy not to buy people presents. I can't afford to buy presents but I always feel obligated. Maybe your friends and family feel the same.

Lego has become very un-interchangeable (if that is a word) in the last few years, to those asserting that car sets can all be cannibalised and added to a brick collection. Little vehicle sets are very gimmicky and quite pricey, and the parts can really only be used for making the model on the box.

An example here - take a close look at the parts in the picture: www.toysrus.com/product?productId=108844136

It's disappointing that your friends and relatives seem to have forgotten your struggle with the DCs' eczema - it can be a continuous worry and very stressful for the parents, not to mention horrible for the suffering children, but they seem to be blithely unaware of this or to have forgotten any conversations you may have had on the topic. Maybe this is the part of the situation that has you feeling so badly about the gifts?

I don't blame you for feeling hurt about the gifts. But maybe try to identify where they came from and return them, even for an exchange, if you don't want to give them away. The two part PJs - maybe give them a whirl. They really are handy.

The Lego and the dinosaur book - again perhaps you are feeling that nobody has put any thought into your children as individuals, just bought stereotypical 'boy aged 5-8' items?

When your children suffer from any chronic problem that occupies quite a lot of space in your head, it can be infuriating when others forget all about it. You can feel you are invisible and ignored. The fact that people 'mean well' doesn't help.

YANBU, imo.

I can understand this - my DD is allergic to all commercial toiletries, I finally told everyone last year. This year the same crap rolled in. We'd taken so much time with other people's presents and yet again all her lovely sparkly bath stuff goes straight to charity.

My DDs get very little, they have no family apart from a couple of cousins and DH and I, so everything they get is treasured - providing of course we can use it at all. I would love to get people something they really like, but it seems people want to get my DDs something those giving the gift really like!!

Is it possible your DS will grow to like some of this stuff in the next year or so? Can you exchange the pjs if they have the tags on? I think you are being a bit ungrateful, not everyone will get presents right especially if they have lots of people to buy for or perhaps don’t know your DC very well. It’s hardly a reason to ‘dispair’ you need to get some perspective.

Dinmate then to the charity shop, someone else with get enjoyment out of them. Next year ask for no gifts. I hope the gifts you bought people weren't stupid.

*Donate them

Of course Lego can be used in creative play. Especially cars and people. Unless you lack creativity.

Can’t believe people really exist with such appallingly rude and ungrateful attitudes.

YABU in this case though:
its hard to explain to a 6 year old that he won't be able to ever wear his favorite character pyjamas (pokyester, again) - and to still write a thank you note for them.

He will get over this. You can tell him you will try to find the item in cotton, that we can't always have exactly what we want but we should be thankful for what we have all the same. He is the right age at 6 to be able to understand this.
It's not that hard, and he should send a thank you note.

I've never seen a Lego car that cannot be taken apart and we have lots of Lego.

I wanna see OP, I do not think such a thing exists!

I spent a large part of Christmas building ‘stupid’ Lego cars and not one of them consisted of purely car only bricks. Every single one had multiple pieces that could be used on many other things.
Which models particularly did your son receive that have zero other neutral parts, no bricks or pieces whatsoever?
Sounds a lot like cutting your nose off to spite your face.
And wrt the book, thats just plain ridiculous to suggest it was an awful present because your sensitive son suffers from nightmares.
The clothes are clearly unsuitable but I don’t really know which of my friends/relatives have allergies to xyz beyond a life threatening nut allergy, even though it’s probably been mentioned in passing.
Your attitude is not nice.

Your post makes you sound a little uptight and I am wondering whether you like to have a high level of control over what your children play with or use.Often people buy my children things I wouldn't think of buying and it opens up a new interest. Vast majority of people would think a child who likes lego likes lego cars,and that a 6 year old might like dinosaurs. Your lego loving child might be into building lego cars in a few months and the 'sensitive' child might not feel so sensitive. Clothes are usually easily exchanged if labels are still on, for other more suitable clothes.

Do you know what? You should look on this as your charity contribution. How much do you reckon all the stuff is worth? You’re giving it to charity, so probably a reasonable contribution to make. That’s how I look on unwanted gifts, although I also moan!

It is a shame that people haven’t remembered the polyester thing, but it’s not as important to them as it is to you, so it’s not amazing that they’ve forgotten.

I would donate the lego to the school. Our school is always asking for unwanted lego for their SEN department. I bought mostly clothes for the children in my family this year as I knew they would be inundated with toys. Hope I didn't get it wrong!

We asked people for money or vouchers this year, cash was mainly given and a few gifts. We don’t have a huge family and only close family gift. Just tell them next year that a voucher would be better, I tell family that my dc’s enjoy go shopping so prefer money/vouchers.

Have you asked whether your dc wants his Lego cars, or are you assuming he doesn’t? Giving Lego cars are perfectly reasonable gifts to give a six year old.

I have a niece, and in the last few years, she has complained about every present apart from one. I find her very ungrateful. I was taught that you accept a present and accept it whether you like it or not.

Both DH2 and DS have eczema and wear any clothing. They apply creams to thr affected areas but anything can flare it up illness, heat, washing powder etc. You sound extremely over the top and ungrateful. I suggest you ask people not to buy your precious dc gifts because anything they got wouldn’t be good enough you sound like my Sil. Get a grip!