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Original poster

To cut off MIL for stealing?

362 replies

Beingthere · 06/01/2018 18:34

Mil the gatekeeper has always asked family members to give gifts to her to send or give to us. I found this odd. There is no reason for it other than control but she rules the family and everyone did as they were told.

In the past this has meant she has held our presents hostage from everyone, using them as bait to go and see her. We’ve never given in to this, getting Christmas gifts in June once. We’ve asked people not to do it, and we send any gifts directly to the recipients not through MIL, but they still do. Oh well, up to them.

We have just found out that this year MIL opened a gift (I’ve suspected this in the past) took out one of the presents for DS, kept it, and rewrapped the parcel. We know this because the sender asked us if we liked it but we hadn’t received it. (I’d written a thank you note and didn’t mention it, so they rang.) DH spoke to his M and she admittted to taking the gift and keeping it herself because “it wasn’t suitable for DS”.

I’M FURIOUS!

MIL has form for lying and being passive aggressive. She speaks badly about the spouses of all her adult children in front of their children so I was always worried about DS being around her when he’s older and understands. So this is the final straw. DH is on board, he’s disgusted with her. Especially as when he told her that her behaviour was unacceptable, she said she was going to ring around th3 family and tell them not to speak to,us anymore! She has form for this also. We never took any notice when she ordered us to not send a birthday card to Auntie May or whoever, but DH’s siblings do.

So DH has told her not to contact us either.

Sorry about any mistakes. Angry and on mobile,

OP posts:
mumpoints · 08/01/2018 21:39

And furthermore, now it's all out in the open, if anyone sends gifts to the thief and they get stolen, they only have themselves to blame!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 08/01/2018 21:40

Well she doesn't have to but she can't complain about not having them for so long if she's not prepared to collect them. She has told relatives not to send to mil and they still do presumably as it's more convenient/cheaper to send in one package. I don't see why the mil has to make the trip or pay postage when the op can't be bothered?

mumpoints · 08/01/2018 21:58

The OP is not complaining about not getting the gifts for 6 months. That isn't now, that is in the past. She mentioned it as background. She is complaining about her MIL being a thief and stealing from her baby.

I don't see why the MIL has to make the trip or pay the postage either but you will have to ask the MIL herself because she is the one who instigated it!

Ginandanything · 08/01/2018 21:58

MIL is a manipulative bitch. You will certainly be happier now you're not embroiled in her weird life.

'Or else' ha ha ha ha - you've got nothing to lose.

mumpoints · 08/01/2018 21:59

In fact, if you read the opening post, the OP actually says "Oh well, up to them" what the senders do about her gifts.

She is complaining about the THEFT.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 08/01/2018 22:00

Well if MIL taking the cross stitch is the only issue then, while it is odd, it isn't something I would never see my parent ever again over.

mumpoints · 08/01/2018 22:11

CBF - you do realise that this isn't the OP's parent don't you?!

Again, if you read the opening post, she says "So DH has told her not to contact us either".

I think you ought to track down the husband and tell him you don't cut your parents off when they steal from your children, because you are speaking to the wrong person here!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 08/01/2018 22:14

I do realise that it is the MIL and am questioning whether the op and her dh going NC is a bit extreme. Will probably just do that on here rather than track the husband down tbh 😂

mumpoints · 08/01/2018 22:16

In fact, AGAIN if you read the opening post, the MIL says she is going to stop people speaking to them FIRST. Or in your language CorbynsBumFlannel, "bin them off" first!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 08/01/2018 22:23

Well if the rest of the family do cut contact with the op and her dh there will be more to it than mil telling them to. Maybe they think her son should visit her now and again?
I would wonder as pps have if the mil is ok. A cross stitch is hardly a high value item to steal.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 08/01/2018 22:24

And I agree that go NC is the standard response on here for anyone you have a problem with. No-one would speak to anyone if society went by MN rules!

bastardkitty · 08/01/2018 22:26

Can't you just give it up BumFlannel...

GreenTulips · 08/01/2018 22:28

Actually it's the standard advice for being treated like crap by family

You wouldn't put up with it from friends, yet family should somehow be different??

mumpoints · 08/01/2018 22:34

No CBF, not a high value item, but as someone pointed out, a very personal item. That makes the theft even nastier.

Actually no, that sort of item does have a high value. It can be priceless if someone cares enough about you to make your baby something like that. The MIL is a controller. She wants to stop any relationship between family members so she can control them so intercepts the beautiful gesture.

She has history of being dishonest (here's a clue - read the thread and stop putting your own insecurities on here) and the DH was "ridiculed" by his father for not liking his mother being dishonest, yet, just because they are related you think they should "visit every now and then". Why? So she can go through the OP's handbag or so his father can carry out his "or else" threat?

GrooovyLass · 08/01/2018 22:35

No not high monetary value but extremely high sentimental value which is worse imo. I'd also be cutting contact if I didn't get a grovelling apology from MIL.

OP what is your DH supposed to apologise to his DM for??

GreenTulips · 08/01/2018 22:36

Bet it's because he emailed family about her antics! She's one of those who won't take responsibility 'I was saving it till hes old enough'

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 08/01/2018 22:40

Maybe get cross stitching yourself op :
'The Home Sweet Home of a Cheeky Fucker's Family!!'

MilesHuntsWig · 08/01/2018 22:48

They sound utterly unhinged. You’d be better off without them. Hope you manage to resolve one way or another...

DamsonGin · 08/01/2018 23:08

Does she screen the presents that your DH's siblings send to be forwarded to extended family? It's rather a shame in a way that you send to them direct, imagine the cross stitch you could include to be 'interecpted' by her. Figrolls one would be an excellent starter for ten.

ohfourfoxache · 08/01/2018 23:16

They’ve both got a fucking nerve Shock

CorbynsBumFlannel · 08/01/2018 23:47

No bastard kitty I won't. Everyone is so eager to completely cut family members out of their lives on here.
Are you going to explain to the ops kids when they're older that they don't see their gps and possibly aunts, uncles and cousins because of a cross stitch? No, I didn't think so so maybe you should stop joining in with whipping the op up into a frenzy on here?

GrooovyLass · 08/01/2018 23:50

Corbyns I'd have no qualms about explaining that the reason you don't see your grandmother is because she stole from you...

SexAndAllThatJunk · 09/01/2018 00:25

Wow I think this is a level beyond cheeky fuckery! Definitely don't apologise, she will play the poor me act to everyone but hopefully they'll see through it. If you give in now she's only going to get worse and make life harder.

Weezol · 09/01/2018 00:39

Corbyns My dad had a limited version of that conversation with me when I was eight. At 19 I knew the full story. He was absolutley right to keep me away from them, I'm in my forties now and am so glad he protected me from his mother.

She destroyed his siblings. My cousins have nothing good to say about her and kept their own children well away.

I agree that some of the NC threads are ridiculous ('my evil MIL gave my four year old a sweet two hours before his organic quinoa frittata the PA narcissistic bitch, I have got my DC a therapist'). This thread is not one of them, the Grandmother is deeply unpleasant and controlling, as my dad's mother was.

To this day I miss my own MIL who died far too young. We had ups and downs but she was a good, loving person who was a huge part of my life and I loved her very much.

I would like to think your posts are coming from a lack of experience of twisted family dynamics, so you are being blissfully ignorant of the damage that can be done.

PositivelyPERF · 09/01/2018 01:02

My Mil was the matriarch that held the family together and when the nephews and nieces were younger we always left their presents at hers. She would pass them on. The difference is, she was a wonderful woman and her children adored her. She made everyone feel loved and appreciated.

On the other hand, I discovered on the Friday before Xmas that my NC father had died two years ago.i genuinely don't give a shit. Actually that's not true, in truth I'm relieved that he can do no more harm. I will just feel indifferent when my mother dies.

Just because someone is a parent, it doesn't mean they're a good person. Keep your family away from this woman Op and it may help your husband heal from his crap childhood.