not to dumb myself down for dating?

[Namila]

I have been using OLD for a little over a year, although I am not too serious about it so I dip in and out of the apps. During this year I went on several dates and I generally felt like it was relatively easy to find guys who were interested, both online and offline.

My OLD profile says: "Creative by day, red wine enthusiast by night. I like Japanese literature, swing music and secret gardens. I lived in several foreign countries and I am currently based in London."

Yesterday night I went out with this man, who was a well-educated professional with a PhD and quite a bit older than me. He repeated several times "as a friendly advice" that I needed to dumb down my OLD profile as apparently it is too intimidating for men. He says it sounds like I am too smart and that does not encourage men to approach me on OLD

After meeting me in real life, he said that it is too clear that don't need a man and that I have a happy and complete life on my own and that is apparently unattractive. I have a cool career I am passionate about and I travel quite a bit he thinks there is no space in my life for a man.

WTF? Is this 1953 or what?

I am genuinely confused by these comments. I thought the opposite was true, that being happy and fulfilled was generally attractive.

AIBU to refuse to present myself both online and in real life as dumber and and with a dull life so men like this guy feel better?

YANBU. You'd only end up spending the whole relationship propping up their egos.

What an arse. Why was he giving you dating advice if he was on a date with you?

Oh god no.

What kind of a life would that be, seeing someone who you suspect would be intimidated by how clever/interesting you actually are?

bye felipe

Ignore him. My partner was attracted by the fact that I’m happy and have my own life. If they are that intimated by you being smart on paper they aren’t going to cope with you being smart in real life. Sounds like he had insecurities about his own iq lol

Well at least he made it clear he isn't the man for you. Or anyone really.

Don't dumb yourself down for men. You are worth far more than someone who will care that you are smarter than them.

I think you can safely disregard everything this patronising misogynist says.

He knew you didn't fancy him so just got in a few jibes to make it look like he was the one doing the rejecting.

You'd only end up spending the whole relationship propping up their egos.

Got it in one.

YANBU unless you like the idea of being patronised and mansplained to during all your dates which sadly may well happen anyway

EltonJohn the funniest thing is that after delivering all those lovely comments, he still tried to kiss me and asked me out for another date tomorrow!

He does sound rather patronising and old school. Have you met anyone promising yet?

Absolutely not. Some men just want a lady-child they can control and look down on, it’s a power thing. You can’t control a grown ass woman with a career and everything going for her... which is something a good man will find attractive. Good men though, are few and far between. Just don’t settle!

Sounds like calculated 'negging' to me.

Well he probably finds you rather attractive- but sounds like he just loves to give advice. How irritating

Ugh no. There's no point lying about yourself. You'll just end up in a relationship where you can't be you. And being you sounds pretty awesome

I've found some men like the idea of a woman like you but can't actually cope with it when they see it for real.

He sounds awful. I honestly think most intelligent men would rather have an intelligent partner. I don't know what he's on about. Surely the whole point of having a profile is it reflects you. It won't be to everyone's taste. I would only change it if you felt it didn't reflect you/was not attracting any types at all (I'm presuming you are looking for the arty types)

What a knob!

Elton is bang on.

No way! You don’t want to go out with someone that is intimidated by you liking swing music and having loved in other countries!

Sounds like he enjoyed negging you and wants a repeat session

(Which apps do you find best, OP? I need to make an effort in this respect...)

Would you want to go out with someone who found your profile intimidating?
Pretending to be someone else to attract people who wouldn't like the way you really are can only end in tears...

Oh, and having a PhD doesn't qualify anyone to tell a woman that she's coming across as a bit too smart to get a date. Friendly advice my arse, he's a patronising prat and extremely rude.

It sounds like he really likes you but realises that you will be far too smart to drag down and control.
Hes tried putting you down and having you question yourself...which you are. Stop it.
You change for no one.
There is nothing wrong with you or your profile and that has proved itself with the amount of dates and lack of issues you have had with men both online and offline.

He is a prick. Plain and simple

Yeah, trying to make you feel like you were rubbish so you'd have to settle for him. Fuck 'im.

Sounds like he only went on a date with you because he wanted to bring you down a peg or 2 as he thinks you have ideas above your station or something. At least he made it clear what a pompous arse he is so you can avoid him and warn others.