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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say buy your own nappies

162 replies

1DAD2KIDS · 05/01/2018 09:38

The ex just returned the kids after being away for new years. She was round for chritmas and she packed the kids bags to go away with her. What I didn't realise is that she had also taken my big stash of nappies (about 50-70 nappies) for ds. Well untill this morning when I realised I only had a couple left in the house. Now it was always my understanding that when she has them she provides the nappies (bar a few in the nappy bag to get them on her way). I'm not being funny but nappies are expensive and I don't ask for any maintenance. AIBU or petty about being pissed off about this.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 07/01/2018 13:43

I'd be annoyed just by the fact she didn't even leave a couple of days worth

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 07/01/2018 13:52

And if you live somewhere where it's only one train an hour, or the trains are fucked up, I can understand why you're pissed off. In my case, it would be because there'd be no possible way I could afford to replace those nappies.

Bluedoglead · 07/01/2018 13:54

Why was she free roaming through your house?

Original poster
1DAD2KIDS · 07/01/2018 14:00

Because she was staying for Christmas holidays to be with the kids too. So she was a guest. We always spend Christmas with the kids. Living so far apart it makes sense. We get on fine normally and do things with the kids together occasionally. Its import that the kids know they have two parents that work together for them. That although we are not together they are still centre of our world. I just think taking them all is taking the piss with hospitality a bit.

OP posts:
Bluedoglead · 07/01/2018 14:05

You need boundaries mate

wagil · 07/01/2018 14:37

The problem is 1DAD, that in spite of her shockingly bad behaviour, you still like her rather too much. And she knows it.

Tistheseason17 · 07/01/2018 15:03

You sound like a decent guy who's just had a rant on MN. We all do it and most wouldn't do the same in RL.
Nothing wrong with showing united front to kids. Good on you. Doesn't mean you're hung up on her, shows you care more about the DC. Well done.

BatShite · 07/01/2018 16:30

Cheeky twat or what...

Hide them next time, though you should not have to as she should not be such a twat about it. Next she will be emptying your cupboards and stuff as she can't be arsed buying the stuff herself.

BatShite · 07/01/2018 16:31

I also think you should be getting maintenance tbh. Even if it is only a fiver a week. She should be paying something for her children.

Original poster
1DAD2KIDS · 08/01/2018 13:48

wagil I think my empathy bites me in the foot sometimes. I do feel sorry for her. I know she is programed differently form others. She lacks emotions, empathy, is selfish and manipulative. Because of this I know to a certain extent in the world she has to live a lie. I realised a lot of her emotions were fake to meet every bodies expectations. I think she tried to be like everyone else, loving marriage, family, etc but just not cut out for it. Her natural nature and past demons won in the end. She has had a very trouble past in her youth and no doubt that damaged her in ways people cant understand. She even left me for an abuser from her past. Maybe I do cut her too much slack but I question to what extent the way she is her fault. Despite everything I don't see her as evil or the villain as such. But don't get me wrong I don't hold a candle for her or would ever have her back (she has asked). But I see a world were often hero's and villains are trapped in the same person. As Tistheseason17 said I want to show the kids a untied front. To show them that they have parents that love them and work together for them despite being apart and our differences. The down side to that approach is it is hard work sometime and she can be bloody annoying at times (just like when we were married).

BatShite I may well hide some next time. Maybe hold a weeks emergency supply would be sensible for many reasons. But I'm not happy to stinging her for child maintenance since we can comfortably support our selves and she has little free cash. That extra cost could maybe tip her over the edge and the last thing I need is her losing her car or the means to make the 200 mile round trip to see them or pick them up. I like to think should the shoe have been on the other foot she would have done the same.

OP posts:
Lweji · 08/01/2018 13:51

You can still enforce boundaries. Or else she'll probably stretch your patience and empathy to breaking point.
You must protect yourself too.

MustardSally · 08/01/2018 14:40

She's a CF. YANBU, you are a saint! Make her replace them at the very least!

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