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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say buy your own nappies

162 replies

1DAD2KIDS · 05/01/2018 09:38

The ex just returned the kids after being away for new years. She was round for chritmas and she packed the kids bags to go away with her. What I didn't realise is that she had also taken my big stash of nappies (about 50-70 nappies) for ds. Well untill this morning when I realised I only had a couple left in the house. Now it was always my understanding that when she has them she provides the nappies (bar a few in the nappy bag to get them on her way). I'm not being funny but nappies are expensive and I don't ask for any maintenance. AIBU or petty about being pissed off about this.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 05/01/2018 15:16

donquix I think my DH is doing something wrong then, 70k!!!

He may be boasting (well, he was, but was he exaggerating?). From his house and the fact we can't afford to do joint holidays, I'd guess not so much.

I think his secret is getting others working for him, but he left school at 16 and became a bricky and he's worked for it all.

Battleax · 05/01/2018 15:16

Can you earn 50k doing any of those jobs though?

Yes, although not every single person in that job WILL.

Isn’t train driving about 36k? That’s what my friends DH earns doing that.

www.glassdoor.co.uk/Salaries/train-driver-salary-SRCH_KO0,12.htm

nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/job-profiles/train-driver

donquixotedelamancha · 05/01/2018 15:18

But Lweji, he's posted three times between 9am and 1pm

If there is one thing MN hates, it's OPs who keep updating their bloody thread :-)

hungryhippo90 · 05/01/2018 15:21

Yes it’s annoying. She’s a deadbeat, whatever her income she should be paying towards her kids.

Cantuccit · 05/01/2018 15:23

I agree with sometimes just needing a rant, but he does sound a bit of a martyr.

Why not just explain why he lets her in the house and in the kids room to pack the bags?

Battleax · 05/01/2018 15:24

Why not just explain why he lets her in the house and in the kids room to pack the bags?

I really can't remember ever hearing of a NRP doing that before.

Lweji · 05/01/2018 15:26

he does sound a bit of a martyr.

Well, yes. As so many do.
Many single parents post here having allowed their exes to be with their children in their homes (not that many dead beat dads pack their children's stuff).

I think that's a fair criticism, in fact, but there's an extra level of bitchiness by many pps in this thread that, him being a martyr or not, just says more about those pps than the OP, really.

JustVent · 05/01/2018 15:52

Evildoctor but does he get paid over 50k?

Anyway, I de-railed but thanks to those who answered.

wagil · 05/01/2018 16:04

Many posters know 1DAD on here. I don't give a shiny shite about his spelling, he works and he looks after his kids, likes a moan occasionally, just like many of us. He's alright.

x2boys · 05/01/2018 16:10

Well I imagine a lot of Drs are on £50k+ a year wether they can spell of not its hard to tell as most of their hand writing is unreadable going off the Drs I worked with anyway ...

C8H10N4O2 · 05/01/2018 16:10

just says more about those pps than the OP, really.

Most likely says they check posting histories or have seen the same routine many times.

C8H10N4O2 · 05/01/2018 16:11

Many posters know 1DAD on here

IRL? If not we only know about other posters what they have posted here over time. Sometimes it shows inconsistencies which raise doubts, sometimes it doesn't

luv,

Pope Francis

waterfall0119 · 05/01/2018 16:12

1DAD, She pays zero maintenance. She should definitely buy her own nappies!! If she has them - she should provide for them with all their needs whilst she does. And to be honest she should be contributing even if she’s broke; the minimum is something like a 5er a week and I’m sure I’ve read one of your posts before that she smokes (not judging, trying to quit myself) so if she can afford fags, she can afford to support her children. I don’t understand why any mother wouldn’t want to.

Lol at all the pps going on about minor spelling errors and the audacity of a man daring to have a rant about his deadbeat ex... if it was a woman we would all be supporting them! Gotta love the hypocrisy of mumsnet 🤨

Battleax · 05/01/2018 16:13
Battleax · 05/01/2018 16:15

if it was a woman we would all be supporting them!

Erm, by telling them to put their big girl pants on, claim maintenance and draw better boundaries? Damn right Grin

FlouncyDoves · 05/01/2018 16:17

Enough money for fags = enough for cs

Lweji · 05/01/2018 16:25

luv,

Pope Francis

Be careful how you sign your posts.

This reminds me of a time, on another forum, where a poster signed off as a parenting guru.
Another poster took it seriously and ended up having an almighty row. Which ended up in a great, long distance, friendship.

Good times. Grin

Lweji · 05/01/2018 16:27

have seen the same routine many times

That is what baffles me.

How is this thread a routine or anything so different from other single parents here? Some of us post very rarely, others only post serious stuff, others post for minor things.

I haven't seen much in the way of routines, other than the automatic twatty responses he gets.

Silverthorn · 05/01/2018 16:46

She is a cheeky fucker. Lesson learnt. Don't let her pack the bags or into the house in future. Sounds like she's getting a bit vindictive. Pack the bags yourself and handover at the door. Leave their nice clothes at your house and send them in joggers. Bet they have been slowly disappearing too.
It may be worth insteucting your solicitor to start formalising all contact arrangement and maintenance. Think on the future. What if she cleans up, marries a wealthy chap and wants the kids back? You never know.

00100001 · 05/01/2018 17:55

Best,

Binary.

Original poster
1DAD2KIDS · 05/01/2018 23:12

I have been ponding the best plan of action. Thanks for all the advice. I think the best thing to do is to simply talk to her about it. I don't want to be the nappy police or start rationing nappies. Just say don't take the piss or at least buy some to send home with them if your going to clear me out next time? I think that's fair to say to her? I'm pretty sure she wont next time is I say to her. I don't think it was done to be malicious. I think its just the way she's wired. Inconsiderate and just thinking about her own immediate needs.

I just needed to vent as finding out the cupboard was bare this morning was an unpleasant surprise.

As to a lot of what has been said on here people are perfectly entitled to their own opinions and biases. Although there are some bizarre comments on here like as a dyslexic who cant spell how can I earn 50k plus (whats that got to do with the price of fish). To be fair it got my goat (granted now I'm ranting on a tangent). All I will say is out of 2500+ people who applied for my job my employ took about 15. Many (no doubt highly educated and good spellers) failed the industry standard testing that has nothing to do with spelling and everything to do with skills you don't learn at school like reactions, concentration and instant triage of critical data. The same was true of my former technical career in the forces. A trade that was both high pay band and highly sought after. Some of my mates earn far more than me working for the oil industry or working overseas for big defence contracts. Not an option for me because of the kids so transferred my skills, experience and work record to an industry that also valued these over weather I could spell or not. There are many ways to skin a cat not all involved university degrees and your ability to spell. I'm sorry sometimes social mobility does happen. I may be a dyslexic of a council estate who didn't follow the normal path. But when the normal path doesn't favour you the wise thing is to find another (especially if it avoids being stuck to a desk). My brother is the same. Dyslexic, bad a school and also started work in electronics engineering (civilian) as an apprentice. Now he owns his own successful and expanding business in that field. Like me he had teachers who said he would amount to nothing. But he's so smart, intelligent and knows his trade inside out.

OP posts:
Hissy · 07/01/2018 12:59

Without exception, all of the most intelligent, literate and talented people I’ve worked with over the years have been dyslexic

In years gone by it was common for people to be judged and scrapheaped. Not any more.

You’re doing amazingly op, you’re doing a great job.

Speak to this woman and tell her to return what she has, except say 6 nappies and to get her own. Or write off the nappies she’s taken but tell her that it’s the last time she’s going to do that and get away with it

Do not let her into your home again unsupervised and make sure you pack what the kids need to take

Tell her why the change and let her deal with it in her own time.

She stole from you AND your kids, if she got away with this, what’s next?

Original poster
1DAD2KIDS · 07/01/2018 13:29

Hissy thanks for the kind words. I may be dyslexic but I'm no dummy. I was not born with a silver spoon either. I feel a bit embarrassed now that I felt I had to defend my worth on here. But when you have spent most your life with people trying to put you down and underestimate your abilities it grates sometimes.

I don't see it as stealing. She is their mum, welcome to stay here occasionally and take some for the road. We generally have a good and healthy parenting relationship. But it was always the understanding that she provides for the kids when they are with her. She hasn't got a lot of money but she does spend £200+ on fags a month (that I understand is easy to do with addiction and current prices). So she can afford nappies. But IMO it was pretty dam cheeky to take every one (bar a couple I had in the nappy box downstairs). That's what really angered me.

I need to have a word and next time monitor what she is taken or limit access to them. It was just so dam inconsiderate.

OP posts:
lljkk · 07/01/2018 13:33

It's CF behaviour but it's something your child needs. I think my bar is higher before I'd make a big fuss about it.

"It's more that one she didn't tell me so I could have got some before return. "

Maybe focus on that, "Please let me know so I don't get caught short" non-emotional but firm request.

Original poster
1DAD2KIDS · 07/01/2018 13:42

lljkk basically this is me and why a rant on here helps. Because I wouldn't rant at her. In real life I would generally not display how annoyed I was. It just sort of got to me when mixed up with a number of factors and missing the train I wanted to catch with the kids due to an unexpected trip to the shops. That delay had an knock on effect on our day out. Imagine if it had have been a Monday school day?

OP posts: