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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say buy your own nappies

162 replies

1DAD2KIDS · 05/01/2018 09:38

The ex just returned the kids after being away for new years. She was round for chritmas and she packed the kids bags to go away with her. What I didn't realise is that she had also taken my big stash of nappies (about 50-70 nappies) for ds. Well untill this morning when I realised I only had a couple left in the house. Now it was always my understanding that when she has them she provides the nappies (bar a few in the nappy bag to get them on her way). I'm not being funny but nappies are expensive and I don't ask for any maintenance. AIBU or petty about being pissed off about this.

OP posts:
user789653241 · 05/01/2018 10:51

Yeah, Lweji, but op says he knows his ex is broke, and he is doing ok. After all, it's used by his child. Don't you think it's petty to have a grudge over few nappies when he knows she may not be able to afford it?

Lweji · 05/01/2018 10:55

The grudge is about her taking the nappies without asking or even letting him know.
If he puts the nappy stock away she can still take them, but he will know about it.

spiney · 05/01/2018 10:57

I think it's the taking without asking thats the thing. And realising that he has been left short of nappies without any notice.

user789653241 · 05/01/2018 11:07

He let her pack baby's things, I wonder if she was even expecting to tell OP what she has packed. She packed what she thought the baby needed, including nappies.

teaandtoast · 05/01/2018 11:07

Why didn't you pack the bags?

JaneEyre70 · 05/01/2018 11:09

I'd take control of the packing next time, and hide the nappies other than say 6 to keep her going. It wouldn't have been so bad if she had told you she'd used them all..........

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2018 11:12

I don't know the back story but if she doesn't take them WOULD she buy them or would your little one have to last longer in wet nappies? If the former i'd just pack or hide all but a couple. If she questions it say ohim running out but going shopping before they come back. If its the former id probably suck it up and make sure there were plenty in the bag

pisacake · 05/01/2018 11:17

Why would she pay you maintenance if she is broke and you apparently have plenty of cash?

Hissy · 05/01/2018 11:19

because she walked out and left the kids behind - he is the FT parent.

ArchchancellorsHat · 05/01/2018 11:21

Why would she pay you maintenance if she is broke and you apparently have plenty of cash?

Don't people usually say that both parents should be contributing to the costs of a child?

OP yanbu - at the very least she should have told you or asked if she could have them. But would she otherwise leave him longer in a wet nappy?

Viviennemary · 05/01/2018 11:23

Ask for them back. Say you will report them as stolen if she fails to return them. Don't think you'd get very far but it's worth the threat to show how annoyed you are. Take her to court for maintenance. Or she'll walk all over you. Not on.

Viviennemary · 05/01/2018 11:24

And don't let her in your house again as she obviously can't be trusted.

MargaretCavendish · 05/01/2018 11:28

because she is broke and me and the kids do ok. I don't want to make her life harder as we live a decent life.

If she's broke then she won't be assessed as owing much maintenance - but I still think you should have assessment done and maintenance paid. They're her children too, she should be paying what she can for them, even if that's not much.

TalkingOrmer · 05/01/2018 11:32

That is cheeky. But can I ask why you didn't pack?

Heartoffire · 05/01/2018 11:32

I get you are cross and it’s cheeky but if she’s broke and you are ok I would let it go.

x2boys · 05/01/2018 11:35

Would you say the same if it was a single mother and them dad wasent paying maintenance Pisa?Hmm

Battleax · 05/01/2018 11:37

Adopt more conventional arrangements. Claim maintenance, pack their bags yourself and hand the kids over at the door or in the living room.

Your boundaries need attention if she's waltzing in and rummaging around.

EvilDoctorHogmanayDuck · 05/01/2018 11:40

That's terrible. I'd be demanding money.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 05/01/2018 11:40

You do t want your kids suffering do you? They are HIS nappies and they would be used wether he's there or with you let it go.

user789653241 · 05/01/2018 11:42

x2boys, say if you have full custody of a child and know your ex is broke. When you pack the bag for baby to spend time with ex, would you not pack enough of everything so the baby doesn't need to suffer?
I do agree equal responsibility and all that, but if it means baby need to wear wet nappy for longer because ex may not be able to afford/ or can't be bothered to purchase, don't you naturally send it with them?
She may be cheeky, but ultimately, the baby is one that matter.

EvilDoctorHogmanayDuck · 05/01/2018 11:43

You know what mummy, sometimes it is worth fighting over £20. £20 could feed us for 5 days. I get £117 a week.

Can you afford to lose £20 1DAD?

Battleax · 05/01/2018 11:45

Don't people usually say that both parents should be contributing to the costs of a child?

Yep.

Lweji · 05/01/2018 11:45

Isn't the minimum £5 or something like that?

And how broke? Does she have a job? If not, why not?

x2boys · 05/01/2018 11:46

But this being mumsnet reverse the sexes mum says my skint ex can't provide the basics for our kids there would be pages and pages of don't let him have unsupervised contact etc its the double standards on here laughable .

AnyFucker · 05/01/2018 11:47

My advice to you is to sort out your boundaries with your ex and stop using randoms on MN to help slag her off

She is what she is. You know it. Don't we all fucking know it. Manage it.

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