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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I hate my baby

332 replies

Somebodyhelpmeplease · 05/01/2018 01:17

He is safe with me I would never harm him. I don’t know what to do. He cries all day and all night he sleeps a total of around 4/24 hours all day the rest of it he is crying. He cries when I’m feeding him. He cries when I’m holding him. I’ve tried all the potions under the sun the doctors have given him for reflux etc but nothing helps. Health visitors don’t help, my family don’t help, nobody can help. I’ve tried keeping him close and I’ve tried getting him used to being put down. I’ve tried white noise. I’ve tried a jumperoo. I’ve tried swaddling. I’m always consistent with what I’m trying but nothing helps. I have two other children who he wakes all night long. One has to go to school exhausted every day. It’s been 5 months of torture, I honestly feel like climbing out of my window and jumping, if it wasn’t for my other children I probably would. Help me. I know other people have been through this. What Can I do?

OP posts:

Chchchchangeabout · 05/01/2018 16:27

I do feel for you. We had this too, sorted lip and tongue tie and on non milk formula finally sorted it. It is so tough but it will end. Sending massive hugs ❤❤❤

Firefries · 05/01/2018 16:30

Oh you just reminded me we only got taken seriously when baby's weight fell or wa on lowest percentile. With baby not eating and not sleeping this was what got their attention - not that it changed much but yes they started to take me seriously. Sad isn't it? It was my second child and I actually was very sleep deprived yet the doctors wouldn't do anything till the weight thing was noticed. It still took years to get allergy testing. In the end I just took my young child off dairy and found a huge improvement. We did six months no daurt when my child was about 5 years old, and we saw a huge improvement in colds and blocked ears (this was our initial problem). We managed to go back on dairy after six months. No idea how or why this worked somehow it gave the body a rest and my child came right.
I say trust your instinct. Mums really do know more than we credit for and admittedly doctors see thousands of patients so they probably won't have time to see and hear what we say. Push to get help and do what you need for your sanity. You know what's going on. You really do.

killforcarrots · 05/01/2018 16:41

Try this;

Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 05/01/2018 16:59

Brilliant that you are making a list.

Another vote for cranial osteopathy (apart from anything else, a good osteopath may be able to help with certain aspects of diagnosis perhaps?)

SmallBlondeMama · 05/01/2018 17:07

I'm so sorry!! Honestly I wish I could just take him for a night for you so you could have a rest!! Xo

ToffeeSauce · 05/01/2018 17:09

Another vote for a cranial osteopath - I took my very windy colicky 4 week old who couldn’t settle and that night laid him down anticipating the usual hours of howling and - nothing. He just fell asleep. It was like a miracle. Do try it.

ToffeeSauce · 05/01/2018 17:10

If nothing else an osteopath will listen to you and sympathise and make suggestions.

Nurse15 · 05/01/2018 17:14

All well and good people suggesting homestart but they actually don't cover all areas - they won't come to my house despite coming to witching a 1 mile radius of my house!!

Love2cook · 05/01/2018 17:33

Your child is ill and most likely in pain. Don't treat it like a crying baby situation that can be dismissed, treat it like a person who needs medical attention. Go the doctors/ walk in centre and sit there until someone listens to you and keep going back until it's sorted. Sometimes pi**ing people off is the only way to get what you need. Take a friend who isn't afraid of saying their piece if you feel nervous to be pushy. You're all he has to fight for him to get this sorted. Best of luck, your a great mom and you'll get through it.

NameChange30 · 05/01/2018 18:11

Sorry the GP was useless
Hope you get some help at out of hours or A&E.
Failing that are there other doctors at your GP surgery, could you literally work your way through all of them until one helps you?
I asked the receptionist if any of the GPs had a specialism or interest in paediatrics, and saw them.
If none of them are helpful maybe you could consider changing GPs (I realise that won’t help you and your baby in the short term).

Iprefercoffeetotea · 05/01/2018 18:26

I would also suggest seeing a cranial osteopath - they really are miracle workers.

One other thought: my uncle was like this until he was 3 (!) They found out later that he had stomach abscesses. I don't think that it is normal for a baby to cry this much and the doctors need to look into it. It might be something that can be resolved really easily. It's not good enough to fob you off and say that babies cry. Not this much.

I wonder if they'd fob off the baby's dad? Maybe he could take him to the GP if he hasn't already?

Overthehillsandfaraway8 · 05/01/2018 18:29

I second the suggestion to see a cranial osteopath. Sometimes the birth causes issues which can be sorted with cranial osteopathy. It can really make a profound difference.

unicornfarts · 05/01/2018 18:42

Try putting him on his tummy for a while?

Lndnmummy · 05/01/2018 18:48

Not read the full thread but my son had compiled and silent reflux and it nearly broke me. I too wasn’t believed and fobbed off. GP even write on his red book “mum not coping v well with baby”. Why changed it for me was that I filmed him. His inability to feed, his fussing, his coarse sounds when he was sleeping. His endless crying fits. I filmed it all went back to the go and got omeprazole and neocate. Film him

Lndnmummy · 05/01/2018 18:49

Our son also slept on the side (with sleep positioner) and in his car seat. This helped him alot

Lndnmummy · 05/01/2018 18:50

Cranial Osteopathy is unlikely to help a baby with reflu. Or allergies. I’m sure it can be helpful with wind and colic. I just spent hundreds and it did nothing for us. Nothing.

Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 05/01/2018 18:50

My osteopath does cranial osteopathy . I would take a baby to her

Just having the 30-45m assessment rather than 5m with GP would "up" the quality of the attention your are getting.

Fannyfanakerpants · 05/01/2018 18:57

What makes me sad about reading all of these, is seeing how common CMPA is and how misinformed GPs are. I was lucky. I come from a family of milk intolerance so knew the symptoms, but it was still a fight to get people to listen.

ElsieMc · 05/01/2018 18:58

Oh dear op, this does take me back. I had a baby who cried for months on end many years ago. I felt like you and felt protective of my other dd who she woke the whole time. Nobody helped me. Its funny that when you have a lovely, happy baby you are very popular and everyone wants to help but I didn't see anyone for dust and it really changed my view of my pils for good.

What changed things for me was changing my health visitor. It took a bit of doing but my first one just told me I had a baby who cried a lot and just deal with it. I knew there must be something and my new HV visited and asked to see dd2 by herself. She was sat in the bedroom, playing with some toys. HV spent some time, walked back into the kitchen and said that she didn't turn when she walked into the room or made noises. She simply couldn't hear the volume of noise she was making. Because she was totally deaf.

Her eyes were filled with glue and tests confirmed she was compltely deaf. She had an op sooner than would have been acceptable really because the lovely ENT man wanted the best for her and for me to see the lovely little girl I really had. I still think about him now.

She struggled a bit with her speech and cannot pick out what people are saying in crowds and even sometimes meetings. She still wont say at work when she struggles. But she is a law graduate with a good job in an international company.

ElsieMc · 05/01/2018 19:03

Op, I hope my post didn't come over a self indulgent, but your post brought tears to my eyes as I can still remember how lonely and isolated I felt. I really do hope you get some support and help with your little one.

Hippydippydoo · 05/01/2018 19:12

I'm so sorry your having such an awful time op.

If it helps at all, when my dd was diagnosed with cmpa because she was bleeding from her bum, the peadiatrition who was so lovely told me that gp's will do everything they can to avoid giving you prescription milk. It's expensive and eats into their budget. He told us we were lucky in a way to end up in a and e as it meant we wouldn't have to fight for it, and he gave it to us no fuss at all.

He told us that cmpa is really common, and that many babies have it and parents are left to struggle because gp's just won't sacrifice their budgets.

I know that sounds like I am bashing all gp's , I'm sure their are some amazing ones out there, but my experience with them and babies is they are utterly clueless.

One way or another, get your baby in front of a peadiatrition, if you take him to a and e, because of his age he will be seen, and you will get some answers.

All the best.

0ccamsRazor · 05/01/2018 19:22

Op my wee niece had pyloric stenosis, she was always crying and being sick, my poor dsis was beside herself and so tired, it took a while to get it diagnosed and treated/operated. It is so hard with little babies as they can't tell you what is wrong.

Is your baby putting on weight?

ZoopDragon · 05/01/2018 19:24

I hope you're ok and you get to the bottom of why he's crying so much.

In the meantime, have you thought of putting him in nursery a few days a week so you can have a break?

My DD cried a lot as a baby, not all the time but it felt like most of the time she was awake she was crying, and she woke every 1-2 hours at night. She had various colic and reflux meds, calpol etc but nothing helped. I'd go to a baby group and all the other babies were lying on mats smiling and DD was screaming. At 7 months I couldn't cope, cut my mat leave short and went back to work part time. She settled easily into nursery and they said she didn't cry much at all, and liked watching the other children. So I think she was bored/anxious/frustrated at home and thrived in a busy environment with lots of distractions and a steady routine.
Antidepressants helped me a lot. Once she was crawling she became much happier, and once she was walking she was like a different child! Now at 2.5 she rarely cries, is happy and excitable and into everything.

Good luck

clumsyduck · 05/01/2018 19:31

Sorry op haven't read full thread but saw you tried soy milk have you tried others ?

Ds used to scream for hours and be writhing about in pain and throwing all his milk up , switched to a lactose free milk as advised by health visitor and he literally transformed over night . I can't remember the exact formula now but I definitely just bought it myself it wasn't prescribed . As I say sorry if you've already tried this didn't have time to read all the thread but didn't want to read and run incase it's something that may help

user1496146479 · 05/01/2018 19:40

You should try either a chiropractor or an osteopath. Sometimes when babies are born they have a misalignment/stretched muscle that causes pain. I've had success with both (chiropractor for one child and osteopath for one child)

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