I hate my baby

[Somebodyhelpmeplease]

He is safe with me I would never harm him. I don’t know what to do. He cries all day and all night he sleeps a total of around 4/24 hours all day the rest of it he is crying. He cries when I’m feeding him. He cries when I’m holding him. I’ve tried all the potions under the sun the doctors have given him for reflux etc but nothing helps. Health visitors don’t help, my family don’t help, nobody can help. I’ve tried keeping him close and I’ve tried getting him used to being put down. I’ve tried white noise. I’ve tried a jumperoo. I’ve tried swaddling. I’m always consistent with what I’m trying but nothing helps. I have two other children who he wakes all night long. One has to go to school exhausted every day. It’s been 5 months of torture, I honestly feel like climbing out of my window and jumping, if it wasn’t for my other children I probably would. Help me. I know other people have been through this. What Can I do?

Good luck with a&e. I don't think you have a choice now. How many parents actually take their baby to the doctor for crying that isn't symptomatic? I would wager very few as mostly we expect babies to cry. If an experienced mum is saying it's more than that you would think they might listen!

I'm so sorry your GP was useless. Is there any way to see a different GP at the same practice? If not I would reluctantly agree that A+E is probably your only remaining option, which is bonkers.
I know how you feel. Both my babies were like this. My mum came to take DS for a walk in the pram when he was about 10 weeks to give me a break, but he was screaming so much she said she didn't know what to do with him. I didn't sleep more than 4 hours broken a night for months and months and I was pretty close to the edge at one point.
Both my babies it was down to an undiagnosed tongue tie that I suspected all along and was repeatedly denied by various NHS professionals. Because both were gaining weight no-one cared if they screamed constantly. We were utterly let down by all the NHS professionals we came into contact with.
We eventually paid for both babies to have tongue tie diagnosed and snipped privately at around 13 weeks and both babies were transformed. DS in particular it was like a miracle, within 24 hours he was a totally different child.
It seems likely that tongue tie was causing ineffective feeding and increased air intake, leading to reflux (because Stomach full of air) and also pain from trapped wind.

I hope you get some help soon, I remember that awful zombie like state and baby screaming all too well.
Unmumsnetty hugs to you.

This makes me SO ANGRY.

This is exactly what happened to me. If you decide A&E is too extreme call 111 and see the out of hours GP. The one I saw with my son was the one to take me seriously.

My DS was a normal weight too. And in agony.

Stupid, selfish, ignorant, jobsworth, patronising, arrogant, unsympathetic, dangerous, should-be-made-to-live-with-it bitch (assuming GP is a woman).

Sorry, just makes me so cross.

Sending huge sympathy and support OP.

I had this problem OP and was fobbed off by my GP until my DD was 7 months old. I swapped GPs (it took less than a week) and got sorted straight away at the new practice.

Noone takes you seriously if you're baby isn't dropping centiles however they don't look at the sheer amount of effort, persistence and emotional stress it takes to keep a baby gaining weight when they are that distressed all the time. I really feel for you.

Agree that it’s not normal. DD was a cryer but no way as bad as you describe. I would insist on a paeds referral - do a ‘sit in’ at GP or pay for private if it’s an option. Your sanity is priceless.

www.thesleeplady.co.uk/silent-reflux-tips/

Have a read of this, do they sound familiar?

Would you consider buying a tin of nutramigen or neocate and trialling it? If things start to improve then go to GP and ask them to prescribe it ? Nutramigen was £16 and neocate was £51 but I did this. Thankfully my GP was great anyway though

Hi OP my youngest ( 14 weeks) also had reflux and would scream every feed. It would take an age to get him to take his feed, then seconds later he would vomit the whole thing up. It was so frustrating and it took up so much of my time so I wasn't able to give my other three kids as much attention. Gaviscon helped sometimes but ranitidine didn't. At times I would just cry with frustration as I felt I couldn't go anywhere as he would do all this in public and people stared.
But bear in mind that he will grow out of this behaviour. My DS just suddenly stopped the vomiting and screaming almost overnight. He is much easier to feed. I found wrapping my baby up tightly in a blanket and waiting until they were asleep helped. Then I would just gently push the teat of the bottle in and he would start to suck without fuss.

Also second going private. Once prescribed then you can go to your Gp with the letter

Whereabouts in the country are you?

Hey OP,
I second what MisstoMrs said, this makes me so incredibly angry!
I went through something similar with my DS, although not as extreme as your situation, it was clear he was in pain etc and I was sure that it was not normal. I live outside the UK so saw 3 different doctors who ALL fobbed me off with "babies cry, he will grow out of it" . They made me feel like I was overreacting about nothing as a first time mum. I kept searching and finally found a paediatrician who instantly diagnosed my son with cows milk allergy and put him onto special formula. He was literally a different baby.

What I'm trying to say in a round about way is please push on, don't let them fob you off anymore. Go to a & e and don't leave until you get them to listen to you. It's ridiculous that you should have to go through this. I'm thinking of you and please let us know how you get on.
Good luck

I have a reflux baby and your situation sounds so much like ours. You need to go into the go and insist on a prescription for omeprazole and neocate milk. My daughter has 15mg of omeprazole every morning which I dissolve in around 5mls of boiled water and mix with pear purée. She then has 1.5mls of ranitidine 15 mins before her lunchtime and again for night time feed. The difference is remarkable, when combined with feeding her neocate formula. My gp was useless too, so I paid for a paediatrician appointment. But I still think it should be possible to get prescribed by your gp. But my husband and I do agree that going private was the best £200 we've ever spent as the transformation in my daughter happened over night. My gp seemed to want to offer me antidepressants rather than my daughter omeprazole! Also have you heard of Alison Scott-wright? Her book has been my saviour... she has a whole chapter dedicated to reflux and symptoms and advice on how to manage it. I cried when I read it, I was so relieved to finally have some answers to my daughters behaviour.

You poor thing, this sounds like hell. I'm afraid I don't have any advice but for what it's worth, I would hate this situation and find it near on impossible to bond with a baby like this. You are completely human and sound like you are doing a super job of trying everything you can think of to make him happy. There is no sound worse than your own baby crying and so to have this non-stop for 5 months and be looking for solutions actually makes you super-human.

One day this will be relegated to a horrible memory.

Do not accept no for an answer with the GP. Insist on a referral to a paediatrician and then they can do some tests to find out if he is in some sort of pain?

I'm so sorry that you are going through this and sending hope it will resolve itself soon.

We are in the midlands! I’ve just ordered Nutramigen from an online pharmacy as suggested but it won’t arrive until Monday I’m praying that it will help. Yes I agree, will call 111 first and attempt to get an appointment. Our out of hours office is in the hospital so it could mean seeing a paed straight away! If it wasn’t for my other two I would honestly camp out until someone helps but it’s not possible. So glad that there are so many people out there to offer a helping hand I honestly can’t tell you how much more positive I feel reading these comments!

If you can research Cranial osteopathy, it made a difference to my son who never stopped crying, he had a traumatic instrument delivery and I’m sure he had some kind of head/neck injury that wasn’t apparent and caused great distress.

Nutramigen is a good start. It helped my ds although it took two weeks. He was absolutely fine on it for 8 weeks but then he reacted and all the symptoms came back. He needed neocate as he had built an intolerance to it

I've read threads where people have said they've seen a difference in 2/3 days

You poor thing. And your poor baby.

Hope you get some help at A&E. But how bloody ludicrous that you are having to go down that route.

my dd wasn't underweight either. Because she was either sucking or crying. Email your surgery now cc the manager and calmly say how you feel the gp has missed something vital. You have 3 children and this is not normal behaviour. He has been unhappy since the day he was born and cannot be distracted.

That you are physically exhausted and need paeds appointment to get to the route of his distress

I am so sorry you are not being listened to.

There are no reliable tests for cmpI as it is a non iGE reaction and affects the gut not the immune system. He would have reacted via his immune system on formula if it was a more easily diagnosed allergy.

it is just trialling specialist milk to see if there is improvement.
It may be a number of things that are causing his distress.

Wish I was closer and could give you a break. I remember that feeling of total exhaustion and helplessness like yesterday.

All babies cry, but babies who are fine dont NEVER NOT cry.

OP, I could have written your message, twice! I had both children suffering from persistent colic and it was hell, absolute hell and yes, I too hated them (even though I felt so overly protective of them).

With my eldest, it took until she was 14 months old to realise that she wasn't digesting fiber properly. The poor thing had horrible stomach cramps and the only thing that helped her was drinking water which she did in massive dose (5 bottles per night). It was worse at night and she cried every single night at some point. Like you, my GP wasn't interested and put it down to be being an anxious mum. It took me doing diary to put two and two together. I changed her diet and gave her LESS fruits (even though because she suffered badly from constipation was told the exact opposite) and suddenly she became a happy baby.

The experience was so exhausting and frankly traumatic that I wouldn't contemplate trying for a second but everyone told me that second babies were easier so I went for it... and the first few months were even worse than with my DD. Their dad worked away so it was me on my own, no family to help at all and some days, I felt so helpless I had the phone in my hand, ready to contact social services. Like you, I had tried absolutely everything to obsession, but nothing really helped. I was told it would pass when he turned 6 weeks, it didn't. Then I was told colic is definitely over at 12 weeks, it wasn't. Then it was 4 months, it wasn't. Finally, at 5 months old, at the absolute end of my tether and no-one understanding how desperate I felt, I took him to an osteopath, even though I didn't believe in it at all. The guy did is thing and did warn me that it could get worse before it got better. Sure enough, the next two days were worse than ever and I was ready to sue the guy (as I had to use my savings at the time to pay for it), but by day 3, the crying stopped and that was the end of it. I will never know if it was due to the intervention or just that it naturally suddenly stopped, but my god was I relieved.

They are now 18 and 15, the elder given an offer to go to medical school, the second doing really well at school. I couldn't imagine my life without my two amazing children and even though at the time, each day left like a year, I would do it all all over again to enjoy the amazing years I've had with them.

Saying that, some memories, for instance some songs that their toys played will still make my heart beat faster reminding me how distressed I then felt.

Every sympathy. Ds2 cried. A lot. I was dismissed by HV, GP's etc. It was awful. I think threads like this at least acknowledge how awful it is.

In case you are worrying about long term psychological damage to your baby, I used to worry about this because my DD2 had an awful neonatal period and infancy involving painful nasal suction, vigorous chest Physio, insertion of nasogastric tube, - all done by me, her mother, the person she should be able to rely on for comfort and nurture. I felt sure it must be damaging her, after all she couldn’t know it was for her own good and not my choice.
I have to say that she has always had the sunniest disposition and is the happiest girl. I know that if she wasn’t, I’d have wondered if it was down to her neonatal misery.
Your baby will recover from this unscathed.
I hope you get proper help and support soon OP 💐

Yes, should have insisted, my two children are very happy and contended and DD is know to be the mos chilled out person on this planet!

What I have to say though is that I am so relieved that however utterly desperate and exhausted I was, I always picked her up and tried to soothe her. Yes there were a few occasions when it was so bad, i did scream at her to shut up, but normally, when I reached the point of desperation, I just cried with her. I can't imagine how I would have felt leaving her to cry knowing that it was actually pain that was making her so miserable.

How awful ! I would take him to out if hrs gp when he's at his worst

Hopefully you'll get a gp who realises there is a problem xxx

Hmmmm my friends baby was like this. Then at 5 she was diagnosed coeliac and milk allergy. She had always been suffering and it took my friend to shout at the gp before they'd do tests. Worth looking at.

Remember it takes 2-4 weeks to get rid of the milk protein from your babies system so hold in there! It’s a massive protein that shouldn’t be there so it’s hard to get rid of.
I feel like it’s going to work for you!

I meant to reply earlier but I got busy sorry. I'm sorry you're GP has been so rubbish. I was also fobbed off with the milk issue as my son was gaining weight so they assumed he was fine with regular formula. He wasn't and he has silent reflux and cows milk protein allergies. The reason he was gaining was when the poor things are in pain they often drink for comfort, so over eat and gain weight.

I also second the OOH. I took my son there desperate on a Saturday morning and just refused to leave. I was crying, he was crying it was awful. To be honest the dr was a bit dumbfounded but I had done my research and pretty much told him to prescribe me a tin of Neocate formula that I picked up and within a few days my son had calmed down completely (he was already taking Ranitidine). When I went back to my GP on the Monday I then just insisted she put the milk on a repeat as it had made a positive difference and I wasn't willing to trial another (cheaper for them!) milk.

Don't get me wrong, Neocate wasn't a miracle worker, he was still unsettled for a while after that, but it made the world of difference.

I hope you get somewhere with an apppintment tonight xxx