To be upset mums at school seem totally disinterested in helping me fundraise

[Kiwikiss1]

My children attend a private school and many of the parents there are fairly comfortable financially. I am running the London Marathon for charity and have started to fundraise. After Christmas, I put a notice on the class FB page saying that if anyone had any excess toys, clothes etc they were planning to get rid of, I would collect it and sell it at a car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity. I received no response. I put the same message on my town's community page and received an overwhelming response and now have a shed stuffed full of items to sell.

Tonight I asked a group of school mum friends if they could recommend a restaurant in the town my children's school is located in which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function. I planned to ask the venue to offer a set menu for a discounted price and raffle off donated prizes (such as a restaurant voucher, beauty treatments and free personal training sessions). I only asked as I do not know the town that well as we live in another location. Again, I have received no response (although they have all seen it).

I consider these women to be my friends. We have gone for many nights out and I am always first to donate to any group-brought birthday presents (of which there are many, although I have never been on the receiving end of a gift for my birthday) and offer support if they are going through a tough time. I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell. Trying to bake everything myself will be a bit of a challenge!

I guess I am just confused as I have always been the first to help them, and now no one seems prepared to help me, even though it is for charity. I am not a fundraising 'bore', this is the first time I have ever asked for any support. AIBU to feel a bit disheartened?

It's not the time of year to ask for donations after Christmas spends on top of bills, tax bills, school fees due etc. You've asked for lots of items, time and effort as well as money, too. It's overload and many people already give to charities and be unable to give more or may choose not to support you on principle.

Also, fwiw, having been privately educated, not everyone was loaded. Some people were very far from it and had probably just paid fees or a fee instalment at this time. You asked for toys etc to sell- did it not occur to you that some people might have to keep them to sell themselves? Private schools are also charities themselves and usually have a big charitable ethos of fundraising for others. People will prioritise these for "school related" fundraising efforts. You possibly fall into "school related- but not a priority' in their minds. Sorry.

Friend of mine went out to Africa to help build a school. No relevant skills other than being a white student. He discovered that to spare their feelings, the local builders were redoing the shit bits before the students got up in the mornings.

These trips really drive me nuts. To pay for privileged kids to go and build houses in a foreign country is insulting and doesn't actually help the residents of these communities.

These trips really drive me nuts. To pay for privileged kids to go and build houses in a foreign country is insulting and doesn't actually help the residents of these communities

Then all the other freshers at uni get to hear ‘when I was in Africa......’ uttered by said kids every fucking 5 mins.

People have probably had a clear out before Christmas of all the old toys so may have nothing to donate.

January is a tough month for everyone, even the ones with a higher disposable income.

Have to agree with the “when I was in [insert country]....if you are at a private or state school in the current climate you will be inundated with requests from parents who decide to do extreme sports but require funding or students who in reality are doing said project “because it will look good on my CV”. Charities quite rightly are simply taking advantage or getting on the band wagon of these vanity projects.

Goodness knows how many kids and parents at my own children’s school, they have grown up now, dressed up raising money for good causes as a way to boost their CV personal statement etc. I genuinely admire people who have had an experience and then feel like giving back by supporting the charity . As said by previous posters if you want to run the London marathon then be prepared to stump up your own fee.

Wonder if the OP will return after this hammering. Its a shame since clearly there are god intentions there but I think an awful lot of people feel like this.

I would sponsor close family or maybe my BF for something like this but that's it. We donate by DD to various charities each month and go to a few charity balls each year (but tbh they are either work events we are obliged to attend or else they are events that lots of friends are going to and so we are attending because its a social thing).

Other than that I'm sorry but every Tom, Dick and Harry runs marathons nowadays. Its hardly a massive deal. DH ran a marathon a few months ago which we didn't even bother to attend to cheer him on .

I think YABU.
I donate a lot to charity - my chosen charities. I would click on by a request from anyone to donate to their charity as I donate to mine. If I have extra $$ to spare and want them to go to charity then I will give the extra to one of my chosen charities.

This is however different to raising awareness for charities. I have in the past done things to raise awareness for certain charities I support. But I have not asked for money for them, just raise awareness then it is up to others to decide if they wish to support them or not.

I think the bit about not getting you anything for your birthday is a separate issue: if they know when your birthday is and if you're the only one missing out, then this is weird and they are not great friends. The part about fundraising: I got rid of a load of old toys (still in great condition) just before December, ready for all the new stuff coming in for Christmas. So maybe they really don't have much left to give you. Plus, I think that as kids get older they tend to have less disposable stuff and more expensive things like ipads, phones, so perhaps they were never going to have a lot to give you. The community ad was always going to generate more stuff as it encompasses all ages. I always get a bit hmmm about people asking me to donate items in order that they can do a good deed: it's great that you're doing the Marathon but it's not up to your friends to provide your funds, is it? I get those bags through the door from students saying they are going to build a school in Africa and need to raise XXX so please fill this bag with stuff for me to sell. Drives me mad! I always give my donations to a local charity that's close to my heart. Maybe your friends wish to do the same? And they might genuinely not know a good restaurant that would be willing to accommodate your wishes (which are rather specific).

I dont like paying for othet peoples hobbies. When I do charity sporting events I pay for (sponsor) myself!

If someone is fund raising directly for a charity thats significant to them I contribute, but paying for peoples entry to "once in a life time" (every fucking year) events gets on my tits and I tend to totally ignore/not engage.

I know people feel the OP did get a huge amount of criticism in this thread and she did. But now she will realise the reason why her idea was met with such disinterest. On here posters are saying what they think and in real life it's sometimes quite hard to. So people are oblivious and remain puzzled as to why other folk act the way they do.

I would have sponsored you, OP.

Please STOP contributing to their presents. They don't reciprocate and sound selfish.

I wouldn’t donate to anyone running in a charity bonded place, purely because I run a charity and we stand no hope to ever get a place. The charity will have paid a minimum of £500 for the place, plus the money for all the extra bits like tshirts, fundraising packs, staff to be at the Expo and there along the route etc.

The "friends" presents - stop bloody giving !

As for all this fundraising , I can see your intentions are good,but that amount would do my head in, I can't stand being bombarded or made to feel guilty into giving to a charity, I give to the charities of my choice

You've picked the wrong time to do all of this, everybody is feeling the financial pinch after Xmas and I wouldn't be interested as I have already cleared out all of the old toys and given to charity,to make room for the new ones. I havnt got a pot to piss in so i wouldn't want to be involved in any of this

I think it's the roping in of others to fund the thing you want to do that turns people off ...
DS2 is going to dig ditches in South America for a few months this summer - it's something he's fancied doing ever since his Aunt spent a couple of years travelling there when he was small and bombarded him with postcards. He's paying for half and we're paying for half - no actual fund-raising involved though - he's got a Saturday job. It's a jolly, obviously, but he's paying his own way so who cares!

User that's a bit sad you don't see running a marathon as any big deal. I couldnt do it. A few years ago my DH couldnt run for a bus, never mind 26 miles. So when he completes this I will be immensely proud of him and what he will have achieved, both on a personal level and for a charity that helped save his life.

Miaw my DH is the same, he would much rather just pay for his own entry (as he does in Edinburgh and the half marathon in Glasgow) but unfortunately the system with London is different.

It's an achievement - no arguement ... But why should other people fund your goals?

Its a PERSONAL achievement as were all the sporting events Ive done - enormously satisfying! I still paid for them myself and didnt expect anyone outside of my inner circle to give a shit..

usedtobefeckless

That was in reply to someone who said running a marathon was "no big deal". And as for the "why should anyone else fund goals" thing Im not getting into an argument with you, we just see things differently thats all. Regardless of admin costs and all the other disadvantages to charity places the goal is to raise the money for my DH through this. We aren't forcing anyone else to donate if they don't want to. Most of the money he will raise will be coming through giving up our own time and doing various supermarket bag packs.

I think i would have responded if I wanted to contribute for OP's choice of charity, or OP was fundraising for school. Otherwise, I would rather donate for my own choice of charity. I don't think I would feel comfortable to be expected to donate to someone else's charity because we are friends.

Running marathons is fairly run of the mill nowadays, though.

On a personal level it's a massive achievement and I was super proud of myself and then my dh when he ran his first.

But nobody else gave a fuck, because why would they?

And, regardless of what you think, the material point is that you want people to pay for something you want to do. Or your dh wants to do. That's 100% a vanity project.

It's not inherently wrong to do it, but it's self-rewarding, no doubt. Otherwise, you would just raise money and hand it over without running at all, no?

The having an event in a restaurant with a discounted menu isn’t necessarily a CF thing. A local charity I support has something like this once a year and the owner of the restaurant they go to is happy to offer a set menu or extend the time for the lunchtime deal. It’s usually mid week in a dull month like February so if he has 25-30 covers in, putting money behind the bar, attracting possible new customers and getting some good press then why not? Beats having an empty restaurant

The problem is the OP has gone about it back to front. She should have organised the potential attendees then gone and sold the idea of a big party coming in to the owner and then possibly negotiated the menu and/or a donation from them. She also needs to work out how she’d actually make money from this. Ours usually has a raffle or something too.

The other point though is the charity I’m referring to is a small local one that attracts a lot of good will. There is a core volunteer team of about eight or so but if they can all bring their mum/best friend/partner/best friends partner the numbers soon add up. And the restaurant owner knows these people are likely to come back if he shows them some generosity so it’s not entirely altruistic on his part

I doubt if someone running for a more impersonal charity like Cancer Research would attract such good will

The other issue is she should have started to organise this a couple of months ago!

Running a marathon is about you.
People are sick to death of forking out for every charity going.
I take my old stuff to the cancer research shop and it goes straight in their pocket. Why would I give it to you?

It’s just been Christmas. I am utterly skint and am working my arse off to pay for my holiday.

I think you abu I’m afraid.