To be upset mums at school seem totally disinterested in helping me fundraise

[Kiwikiss1]

My children attend a private school and many of the parents there are fairly comfortable financially. I am running the London Marathon for charity and have started to fundraise. After Christmas, I put a notice on the class FB page saying that if anyone had any excess toys, clothes etc they were planning to get rid of, I would collect it and sell it at a car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity. I received no response. I put the same message on my town's community page and received an overwhelming response and now have a shed stuffed full of items to sell.

Tonight I asked a group of school mum friends if they could recommend a restaurant in the town my children's school is located in which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function. I planned to ask the venue to offer a set menu for a discounted price and raffle off donated prizes (such as a restaurant voucher, beauty treatments and free personal training sessions). I only asked as I do not know the town that well as we live in another location. Again, I have received no response (although they have all seen it).

I consider these women to be my friends. We have gone for many nights out and I am always first to donate to any group-brought birthday presents (of which there are many, although I have never been on the receiving end of a gift for my birthday) and offer support if they are going through a tough time. I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell. Trying to bake everything myself will be a bit of a challenge!

I guess I am just confused as I have always been the first to help them, and now no one seems prepared to help me, even though it is for charity. I am not a fundraising 'bore', this is the first time I have ever asked for any support. AIBU to feel a bit disheartened?

Well OP, I can think of one easy way to raise some of the money you need - stop contributing towards birthday presents for people who you view as ‘friends’ but seem to view you as an ‘acquaintance’! Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that’s the impression I get from your original post.

As an aside, do private schools even have the same cake-sale type events to raise funds that state schools do?! Or is one of the privileges of paying thousands of pounds in school fees not having to be pestered to bake cakes, buy cakes etc

What is the charity..or have l missed that somewhere??

My teeny tiny charity is Stickler Syndrome if anyone wants to donate to a charity that was only allowed five places!

They're not your friends - I'd ditch them. Also, I have found that often people with the least donate the most or are the most enthusiastic abut raising funds for charity.

Am I right that the op lives in Scotland?

Travel, accommodation....this is a grossly inefficient way of raising money. Direct donation is the way.

At least don't bag pack in a supermarket. Litter picking, helping locals with small jobs, stuff like that is useful and might get you sponsored.

Some people max out their budgets to send their kids to private school and Maybe there's more embarrassment to admit you're skint
I'd never contribute to someone else's marathon to be honest it's a bit like paying someone else to go up kilimountjaro
If I'm totally honest I'd be irritated ( jealous) by all your fitness and do goodery
If it was personal I.e if your child had a disease and you were raising money for research I'd dig deep for that but YOUR marathon, no sorry

And now perhaps you begin to realise why it is this group of private school parents are so financially comfortable, because they believe - and conduct their lives in that belief - that charity begins at home. Among the many things that Thatcher got wrong it was the notion of the trickle-down effect, that as people got richer they were more inclined to share their riches. In well over 90% of cases, the richer people get the greedier they get. From what you say you are one of the 10% and good luck to you, but you need to start out by realising that you are pissing into the wind.

This isn't so much a rich-people-are-tight-gits thing, more of a not-wanting-to-get-hauled-into-a-convolouted-but-it's-for-charidee-please-pay-my-admission-fee thing ...

I admire those who run marathons, walk miles whatever.

Doesn't mean we have to throw £££s at you for doing it. Easy enough to contribute via the charity itself.

Peak charity sponsorship has already arrived. Everyone is doing it now.

Good luck OP anyway, do it for yourself and don't worry about charitable donations. Most people are sick and tired of being tapped for this kind of thing now. IMV of course!

I give to charities by direct debit on a montly basis. At the end of the tax year Dh and I also give more to charities or fundraisers that touch us. This would not be one unless you are fundraising to someone or something personal to us.

I am not putting you in the same bracket op but this whole depart reminds me of Salma Hayek fundraising for Mexico (where she was born and raised) after the devastating earthquakes. She did a go fund me type thing and in fairness did put in $100,000. Nice but herself and her husband who is the owner of Louis Vuttion, Gucci, Yves Sant Laurent, Stella McCartney to name a few are worth $25 billion. I won’t be donating to cause in her name. It is like giving 0.0000000000000000000000001 pence to her ‘dear’ cause.

depart thread

Why is 500 pounds obscene? I imagine it includes a room in London for the night before and after the marathon. That will be expensive. In Lagunas case her husband wanted to run the London Marathon anyway so those are the costs associated which he is paying himself. He'd tried to get in the normal way and wasn't selected. This is another option and it involves essentially paying a fee to a charity he cares about and a cause he is directly affected by. He has a just giving page for standard sponsorship and is doing bag packing which people choose or choose not to say yes to for a small donation. I expect he has Asthma UK signs so some awareness raising too. It doesn't sound like he is badgering people or asking them to do anything for him (assuming his family is happy to help). Of course he could just do the fundraising and not the run, but he wants to run. I can't see why that's a bad thing, and given his asthma I think it's fantastic. I have a fair few asthmatics in my family (my MIL died as the result of an attack) none of them would think that running a marathon would be an option for them, perhaps they are wrong and seeing a group of asthmatic runner might be an inspiration.

I also think a lot of people are a bit wary of the charity thing now.

You know, I will run a marathon, sponsor me, but maybe a fiver will end up supporting the actual charity when all the salaries, leases, insurance etc. is paid by said charity. That is a biggie.

Anyway personally I will not sponsor anyone to have a marathon, climb Mt. Fuji or whatever. Sorry about that now.

Tbh OP, I only donate to one charity, and certainly don't get involved with other school mums on a friendship level.
Give me the notices of what the kids are doing and leave me be.

Maybe they don't like your charity, or feel you take over the group (not saying you do) maybe they don't want to commit to giving you recommendations in case it goes pear shaped.

You could just limit your fundraising to your true friends, rather than associates.

The ones I particularly dislike are the ones doing things like biking in the Himalayas/fun runs in Peru - I was asked to donate to one of those and never got round to it.

midnite I admit to an eye roll whenever I hear about gap years patronising Poe people bit I’ve been told the main reason to do them is for consiousness raising here. If little Johnny donates more money to charities associated to the place he spent 4 weeks doing a bad job of building a wall in over the course of his lifetime, the investment could be well worth it.

I donate money to charities of my choice on a monthly basis and extra every year at Christmas. I don't sponsor people except in very rare circumstances where they are raising money for a cause that is very close to their heart and where I also am happy to give to that particular charity. For instance, I know someone who raises money for the hospice where his son died as a small child. He does an event every year and every year I give him a small amount, just as a way of saying yes I remember your son too. The loss of a child is so huge that I actually don't even mind him asking. All those raising money for stuff that isn't quite so personal I just ignore, tbh. I prefer to prioritise the charities that I think important and that are efficient with their donation money - many are wildly inefficient and not as much of the money as you would hope actually gets to where it is needed.

If someone just wants to run a marathon, I think they should pay the charity fee themselves. There are plenty with lower entry fees than the London Marathon.

If you're well off enough to send DC to Private school .. then just send the charity a bit of your own cash instead of 'fundraising'.

It's quite obvious that your so called friends are just school mums that are not interested in your cause.

It's just post Christmas fatigue.

I worked flat out at a homeless shelter through the holiday and had to produce two meals for twelve family members with not an awful lot of help.

I feel I could sleep until Spring!

So keep at it, I am sure your plans will work out.

i think this thread shows it isn't just post christmas fatigue. People feel quite strongly about it.

Maybe they see that you are advertising in many places and think that if they don’t contribute it wont be noticed. Maybe ask one or two of the group to help you fundraiser rather than a collective...