To be upset mums at school seem totally disinterested in helping me fundraise

[Kiwikiss1]

My children attend a private school and many of the parents there are fairly comfortable financially. I am running the London Marathon for charity and have started to fundraise. After Christmas, I put a notice on the class FB page saying that if anyone had any excess toys, clothes etc they were planning to get rid of, I would collect it and sell it at a car boot sale and donate all proceeds to my charity. I received no response. I put the same message on my town's community page and received an overwhelming response and now have a shed stuffed full of items to sell.

Tonight I asked a group of school mum friends if they could recommend a restaurant in the town my children's school is located in which would have the space to allow me to hold a fundraising function. I planned to ask the venue to offer a set menu for a discounted price and raffle off donated prizes (such as a restaurant voucher, beauty treatments and free personal training sessions). I only asked as I do not know the town that well as we live in another location. Again, I have received no response (although they have all seen it).

I consider these women to be my friends. We have gone for many nights out and I am always first to donate to any group-brought birthday presents (of which there are many, although I have never been on the receiving end of a gift for my birthday) and offer support if they are going through a tough time. I want to organise a cake sale at school to help fundraise but now I am worried my friends will not be receptive to being asked to donate some goods to sell. Trying to bake everything myself will be a bit of a challenge!

I guess I am just confused as I have always been the first to help them, and now no one seems prepared to help me, even though it is for charity. I am not a fundraising 'bore', this is the first time I have ever asked for any support. AIBU to feel a bit disheartened?

I don't mind that the London marathon is largely populated by charity runners who have to find a few thousand for the charity to run
So you're more than happy that what is meant to be a running event is only to those who are wealthy or have wealthy friends and family?

I'd like to see a reduction on the amount of places given to charities and a cap set on their 'minimum donations'.

More places in the ballot, more opportunity for people with a ballot place to then run for small local charities close to their heart instead of massive organisations. More people doing a fitness event with some goodwill abd fundraising and less pressured people knowing if they don't get £2000 then they'll have to try ans find it from the family pot because some charities see runs and fitness events as cash cows.

I've noticed the cash cow bit at smaller events like 10ks
Same. I did a fun 10 mile one with food stations. The entry fee went to the charity which has ok. Then groups of people turned up in where's wally costumes raising money with buckets. Fuck off. It is a small daft local run.

I give to charity (like many people).
I dislike having my hobbies hijacked with more demands for money left right and centre or my participation in events be decided by thr fact I can't magic hundreds.of pounds.

If your children are in a private school presumably you are financially comfortable. Can you not just pay the £2000 yourself instead of getting stressed about fundraising?

I volunteer (a shitload) and donate to charities I choose. I have never given any money to someone else to run a marathon for a charity. It’s all a bit pointless. I have run a marathon and made a donation to charity, sure. But I didn’t ask anyone for donations in order to do so.

I’ve had to take part in bake sales in the past - it cost me waaaaay more to make the cakes and donate them than they raised by selling them. I should just have bunged them the money and put my feet up.

Fundraising is the devil’s own job. I’m a bit surprised you are going to all this trouble tbh. Were you that desperate to run a marathon that you thought a charity place would give you a better chance? Just pick a different marathon or wait it out in the ballot.

The school gates just aren't the place for parents' fundraising. They are places where people habitually expect to give for the good of the pupils (whether state or private). In other words, you are trying to tap into the wrong well. People feel they've already given, whether that's the 50p bake sale or the £5 PTA quiz entry or the £5million library. Basic psychology, innit - approach school, already feel skint, hide from the mummy fundraiser.

Focus on friends you've made elsewhere.

Maisy my prefered solution would be to not hold a marathon in a big city at all. I think these sorts of events are far too disruptive. But if they are going to be held, then yes, charities getting money (and, consequently, rich people running) is a better trade-off, from my perspective, than greater access for running buffs. Runners can go run elsewhere, they don't have to make it so difficult for everyone else.

I'd probably give a pound or two towards their sponsorship if I was directly asked. Certainly wouldn't give to a go fund me page. And wouldn't want to get involved in donating baked cakes and other stuff or having meals out. I'd think it was quite cheeky if they asked especially if they were quite well off. I'd think give your own money because you're not exactly poor. But I wouldn't say that of course.

I don't understand the logic of sponsored events at all. The Op could just do the fund raising without the marathon. What does the marathon add to it? And if you have kids in a private school I'd expect you to be giving 2000 a year of your own money to charity anyway if not more. 10 percent of your income must be way more than that. Very cheeky to ask others for it.

As for asking a restaurant to give discounted meals - that is beyond ridiculous. The staff in the restaurant probably have a far lower income than you so why on earth should they pay for your marathon?

Do something useful such as a litterpick or something that benefits your community instead, or just pay your own way.

I just saw the part where the OP expected the restaurant to offer her a discount. So she can run a marathon. CF indeed.

I’ve never understood the logic of sponsoring someone for charity to do something that only benefits them. I’d rather just give the cash direct, instead of marathons, exotic trips and skydiving.
Friend of mine went out to Africa to help build a school. No relevant skills other than being a white student. He discovered that to spare their feelings, the local builders were redoing the shit bits before the students got up in the mornings.

I don’t sponsor anything like that. Point blank.

If you want to run, or trek the Andes or whatever, then pay for it yourself.

If I want to donate to a charity I’ll do so myself.

Yabvu.
I will donate to certain sponsored events occasionally. I donate to charity each month directly by dd.
I would dodge you. You may not consider yourself a charity bore but it appears you are.
My sister has a restaurant. She does charity events but never for someone who wants to do a marathon
The rudest thing is you say that people chucking in £5-£10 won’t cut it.

YABU

Helping friends/acquaintances out in day to day or difficult times is very different to running a marathon.

I would sponsor a friend, acquaintance or colleague to run if I could afford it or support their cause. I would not donate stuff for anyone to sell as would prefer to donate at my convenience to shops for good, local charities. Nor unless it was a very close friend would I assist with or attend fundraising events requiring me to donate / spend money.

Also agree with some PPs that the “fundraising” bar is set so high it will exclude many people. Running a marathon can actually be bad for health for people with limited running experience, and more places should go to the long training athletic types!

When people do various 'events' to raise money the same people often find themselves donating again and again at each separate event. A Bake Sale - you feel obliged to offer a cake, then attend and buy a cake. The restaurant meal, you feel obliged to pay to attend the meal, then make another donation on the night etc.. This can mount up for people, both in time, effort and expense (when most people already donate and prefer to donate to causes close to their own heart).

I always donate to charity initiatives for close friends and family - when I can see it is something close to their heart and would of course give my time to them. But for work colleagues or less close friends? I would prefer to just click and donate.

These are all good points but my guess is that it's the charity that's the problem. If I'm asked to donate to something I don't want to support I tend to just ignore it.

About five years ago I just stopped giving to people doing something they have always wanted to do in the name of charity.

Want to walk the Great Wall of China - go on holiday there and pay for it yourself.

Want to cross the Sahara - go on holiday there and pay for it yourself.

Want to jump out of a plane - pay for it yourself.

Want to run the London Marathon - pay for it yourself.

I no longer fund wish fulfilment requests. I still give a lot to charity but I give it direct.

Honestly, so many if my friends family and work colleagues are charity fundraising I'd be skint if I helped them all, people aren't that bothered so just circulate to those people donating and who seem interested

It's charity run overdrive st the moment just get on and don't expect so much

Rich people don't donate. My BIL was in a similar situation to you. Well off friends, kids in private school/nursery and ended up having to pay a lot of his sign up fee himself. He had assumed his aquaintances would be more generous. They weren't.

You can’t expect people to help you fund raise unless it’s for a shared goal or something that’s close to their heart.
I chair the PTA some of the Mum friends help with my fundraising efforts for this which is great. I also recently did a charity assault course to raise money for another charity some of these mums also supported me in this but some didn’t and this was not an issue. It might be that they had other financial commitments or they weren’t interested in supporting the particular charity both of which are fine.
I don’t give money to my friends fundraising efforts unless they are very close friends or the cause is particularly close to me. It feels like everyone’s doing a sponsored something these days.

There is definitely a huge sense of charity fatigue around my large office, not helped by the fact that many of the ‘challenges’ that fund raisers are participating in seem more like a ‘jolly’ then a sense of hardship. Even more annoying are the parents badgering work colleagues on behalf of their children. I’m not suggesting that running a marathon is easy (I have done several) but the whole ‘pay for me to achieve a life challenge’ thing gets on most people’s tits. It’s like the whole pay me to climb Kilimanjaro / walk the Inca Trail / do a parachute jump that was doing the rounds a few years back, most people just thought it was a bit cheeky. I ran marathons because I wanted to, ended up running Paris a number of times as all in it cost about 400 quid all in (entry, Eurostar, hotel) and I paid for that myself. I would love to run London but I think the whole fund raising thing has got out of hand and I simply don’t have the inclination to harass my friends and family for what is quite a large wedge of cash. I can guarantee that about 60% of the runners involved in London picked the charity as it was asking for the least amount of money to be raised, not becaus they have a personal interest in it. Most club runners in the UK go and do Brighton marathon if they want to keep things really cheap, at its heart it is still a runners marathon where god forbid people take part for the individual challenge, something that is almost frowned upon with London these days.

P.s. what is the charity OP is it something very very close you that your friends should care about? There is one friend I always go the extra mile for and I will put myself out for everything she does because she lost her daughter recently and she fundraises for the charities which helped her daughter and family through this terrible time.
Have you had a recent tragedy this is helping you with?

I definitely don't want to dismiss Asthma UK charity. I think it is important to raise awareness.
But by the time the charity has paid for the place, the admin involved in administrating it etc etc. A direct donation of £500 wouldn't really be far off the £1800 total for doing the marathon.
The hours you've put in are impressive - I really don't want to knock that.

Rich people don't donate

With all due respect, how the fuck do you know this?

Most people have only just gone back to work...kidsnknly just back at school. Those are their priorities.

Yabu and about cheeky to expect people do bake cakes etc so you can run.

Possibly reiterating what others have said but a few things to remember that struck me from your OP.

Firstly few school playground “friendships” are real. We are all thrown together because of children and whilst it might seem like friendship and socially we mix the harsh reality is that in real life we probably wouldn’t befriend these people. We are polite for the time we know them.

Secondly having donated for years ans years to various people’s charity sports activity I have now stopped as increasingly I felt I was subsidising vanity projects. Yes you are doing it for charity but the reality often is that you want to run a marathon/do a triathlon etc etc. People often already support a charity and being asked to support another that might have no relevance to them is often wearing. Perhaps you should just donate the fee expected of you by the charity you are running for yourself and once you have successfully completed the event advertise it and see if anyone would like to add to your amount raised?
Good luck with the event.