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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP startled me.

196 replies

supersop60 · 04/01/2018 08:04

Ok - he didn't do it on purpose, but it made me cry out, and then he got cross with me.
Back to school today - DS and I downstairs, Dp comes into the living room, chats, and disappears into the kitchen (or so I think).
DS and I go back upstairs to finish getting ready, and I walk into our bedroom which is pitch black (very efficient blackout blinds) so I fumble my way to the window to open them. Suddenly there's a male voice, and I yelped. DP had gone back to bed, and I thought he was in the kitchen. I then got "Oh for fuck's sake!" because he was cross with me. DS also said "You didn't need to scream"
It was involuntary - I didn't decide to scream.
Now I'm wondering if I'm like that Catherine Tate character. AIBU?

OP posts:
WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 04/01/2018 10:17

OP, I'm not a particularly jumpy person and I've have probably lept out of my skin too. When you enter a pitch black room that you expect to be empty, then suddenly realise there's someone there it can make us jump. Thought that would be a perfectly normal reaction. I suspect your DP was dozing and you woke him, so he said something, which spooked you, which momentarily irritated him?

What does 'pad about' even mean??
RunningOutOfCharge is means to walk around quietly. I'm assuming it comes from the fact cats and dogs have "pads" on their paws and they are very quiet when they move around.

TenancyTroublesAgain · 04/01/2018 10:21

Weird reaction from him.

Original poster
supersop60 · 04/01/2018 10:22

{grin] at all the ltb comments.
Blinds are from Dunelm - I didn't put the light on because I knew it would take 5 seconds to get to the window.
DP is a musician and often comes home late (not last night) and I went through a phase of being loudly startled when he would make a sudden noise coming to bed at 2am. And there was a phase of bad dreams when I would wake up suddenly.
All of those times he got cross with me.
I haven't had anything like that for ages.
I just got annoyed that I seemed to be in the wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
supersop60 · 04/01/2018 10:23

Grin I mean

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 04/01/2018 10:26

Which range at Dunelm OP Smile

MollyHuaCha · 04/01/2018 10:27

Wink Have a good day OP.

Original poster
supersop60 · 04/01/2018 10:29

cantuccit - sorry can't remember the exact name, but it's their range of blackout blinds (and curtains). They're very effective.

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 04/01/2018 10:32

Fab, thanks OP.

Does your DH deliberately wake you sometimes?

My DH does this sometimes Angry

kaitlinktm · 04/01/2018 10:50

My ex used to get annoyed at my involuntary reactions. He used to startle me by coming up behind me unexpectedly (not on purpose) and take my reaction to mean that I found him repulsive - despite my assurances. He just refused to believe otherwise and got annoyed, so I decided he was repulsive after all and divorced him. Grin

MiddleClassProblem · 04/01/2018 11:06

Just sounds like DH is grumpy with sleep being disturbed. That’s all. Not abusive.

To all those spouting anxiety, to someone with anxiety based on the info we gave you are completely off. Majority of people jump at things, some are extra jumpy but op’s reaction post jump and scream (a common reaction) is not stated. You’re “jumpy” in your diagnosis.

Glad you have great blinds.

Birdietweet · 04/01/2018 11:08

Treatment for anxiety! Ffs of course she doesn’t based on 2 incidents.

MiddleClassProblem · 04/01/2018 11:11

PS I’m very sweary at DH with his snoring that sounds like a someone drinking the end of a drink with a straw and escalates to a walrus being dragged across gravel but is inconsistent and occasionally has the odd intake that sounds like a llama being goosed. I FFS and tell him to STFU. If I’m abusive, so is his snoring. It doesn’t make an abusivd relationship. Having been physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my parents I can vouch for that.

Laiste · 04/01/2018 11:32

I jump a lot (as i say) and jump at everything slightly startling during films. (It's embarrassing. i literally threw pop corn all in the air went i went see The Mummy. the cat bit Grin)

When we were first together DH used to find it endearing, then after a few years he started to get cross as my jumping sometimes makes him jump and he hates to jump. But so do i FGS!! I can't help it!

These days (12 years in) he rolls his eyes at me and laughs about it. Nowadays if i make him jump with my jump he only tuts if it means he's spilled his drink Grin

comedycentral · 04/01/2018 11:42

I am a jumpy person too due to past trauma. If I go to bed before my husband and he accidentally wakes me when he comes to bed I often react in terror! It's not nice for either of us but I can't help it. I would be really upset if got angry with my over it. He over reacted and your son did too!

sinceyouask · 04/01/2018 11:46

Bit cunty in here today.

Idk op, I'd just tell him to shut up and not be a knob. You jumped and made a noise when he startled you, what sort of eejiy gets in a snot about that?

Allthetuppences · 04/01/2018 11:55

Ah the "if it's not life changing it's not internet chat worthy" bunch are distinctly low on their meds today! Guys there are about 50 squillion mundane uses for the internet. Which you too could waste your hours looking at if you just stopped bitching. Relax. Watch a cat video.

glow1984 · 04/01/2018 12:20

Why didn’t you just turn the light on?

UnicornRainbowColours · 04/01/2018 12:22

Op it was first thing in the morning, he’s prob still half asleep and got annoyed by your shout. I really wouldn’t over think it.

KurriKurri · 04/01/2018 12:41

I jump and make a noise like a mouse every time I unexpectedly encounter my DD on the upstairs landing (it is narrow and not well lit). She rolls her eyes and says 'get a grip Mum, it's just me AGAIN'
I am easily startled, I'm not anxious, just jumpy. It's probably evolutionarily useful in some way (I doubt I'll get eaten by a snake for instance and my genes will therefore continue).

Anyway OP - you've taken the the replies with good humour, and provided info about your blinds which sound great. Hope your Dh is less grumpy now Grin

5foot5 · 04/01/2018 13:22

I am not as bad as the Catherine Tate character but if startled I am prone to letting out the odd, startled "Oo" sound.

However, DH doesn't get arsey about it he just thinks its amusing.

I still get ribbed my him and DD about the time we visited the geysers in Iceland and when the big, famous one (Stokkur?) shot water in the air I gave the loudest shriek imaginable. They both said "What did you think was going to happen?" However, I hadn't realised we had got so close to it so I wasn't expecting it right there and then.
Anyway, at least whoever was filming it (and there is always someone) got the added entertainment of startled English woman in the background of their film.

Booie09 · 04/01/2018 14:10

Be more like Nan! What's fucking liberty.....

BattleCuntGalactica · 04/01/2018 17:45

😶

DP startled me.
SaturnBelt · 05/01/2018 17:33

Best watch this. I think it’s rather funny -

Maireadplastic · 05/01/2018 17:40

Poo crumbs.

cathyclown · 05/01/2018 17:53

Separate rooms the only answer. Hook up for DTD, no surprises, no black out blinds. Each does their own thing. Perfect!