Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should be doing more about this?

278 replies

TabbyTigger · 03/01/2018 17:39

DH and I have three, soon to be four, children who are 13, 5, and 2. He has one sibling who has no children. It was recently mentioned that his parents have set up a fund to provide for their grandchildren’s (potential) university education.

DH’s sister has objected and says she should get half of the fund because only we have children. DH and PIL just seem to be accepting this and it looks like half of the fund is indeed now going to go to her. AIBU to think this is totally ridiculous?

Not sure it’s relevant, but she and her husband decided not to have children and their income is actually significantly higher than ours, so it’s not like they actually need the money. And even if they did I’d be a little cross about the principle!

I’m just worried my view is skewed because it’s my DC missing out. Hence posting here. Perfectly happy to be told IABU.

OP posts:
Dontsweathesmallstuff · 03/01/2018 18:35

No YANBU or grabby, its for the grandchildren with a specific purpose in mind, nothing to do with SIL and Dh.

SIL is the one being grabby. Unfortunately its one of those situations where if someone objects to something it makes them look bad because there'll be so much divided opinion on who's being unreasonable.

Personally I'm with you. S&Bil had children way before we did and at a time we never expected to have any. the grandparents set up similar things for them. Never occured to dh and I that we should get something.

Mumof56 · 03/01/2018 18:36

There is other money and are other assets set aside obviously for each child

The inheritance is totally different - they’re getting different assets from that and SIL

she is getting all of the estate!

I don’t dispute that she deserves the whole estate and all her expensive items!

Hmm
Original poster
TabbyTigger · 03/01/2018 18:36

Iloveacurry early 40s... she’s just quite self centred and grabby I think. Perfectly charming in person though so I don’t dislike her!

allegretto I don’t think anyone can be bothered to fight with her... but also we don’t really care, if PIL want to do that then that’s fine. We’re quite cheap really - her lifestyle definitely requires more money to sustain than ours!

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 03/01/2018 18:36

Urgh what a joyless grabby cow she is, they should tell her to fuck off - what the fuck has grandparents buying Christmas presents for their grandchildren got to do with her!

I wonder if she’s like this in other areas of her life - living it to the pound and pence in the name of ‘fairness’.

Let her have her precious money and be thankful you're not like her. And I say that as someone who’s been through similar with grabby relatives - they’ll spend it but they’ll not be any happier or a better person for it.

Original poster
TabbyTigger · 03/01/2018 18:40

Your eyebrow must be tired Mumof56.

I don’t mind where the money goes because they’re not my parents giving me money, they’re my PIL giving my DH and SIL money. It impacts me but I don’t want to get involved. It matters more to SIL to get the estate and those antiques, so she shall have them. We are comfortable enough and I don’t lust after a lavish lifestyle. PIL have left some things to DH but very little in comparison - the house and pricey antiques are going to SIL. We get the cat apparently Grin and FIL’s famous bookmark collection...

OP posts:
Original poster
TabbyTigger · 03/01/2018 18:44

How does your SIL (or the PIL's, for that matter) justify splitting the tiny education fund straight down the middle but having the bulk of the inheritance going to her?*

She sees them more and DH lived abroad for a few years so in that period she obviously saw them a lot more. DH also cost more when they were younger due to a combination of illness and very bizarre hobby. She is there almost twice as much as we are (not to mention a better cook Wink).

OP posts:
froginapond · 03/01/2018 18:45

IMO, I 'get' why your DH's sister wants half, and I would too, but I also get why YOU are pissed off.

If you had only 1 child and they had 3, and they ended up getting more (IYSWIM,) I am willing to bet that you would be as annoyed as your DH's sister.

Your SIL is being reasonable sorry @TabbyTigger ...

But in a way you both sound a bit grabby. (Just a bit.....)

arethereanyleftatall · 03/01/2018 18:46

Actually, can I switch?
I was yabu on page 1, I'm switching to Yanbu.
I've just realised I have a childless sister who wouldn't remotely expect the equal value of mine plus dcs value in Christmas presents or whatever. She gets the same as just me. I think that's normal.

Original poster
TabbyTigger · 03/01/2018 18:47

If you had only 1 child and they had 3, and they ended up getting more (IYSWIM,) I am willing to bet that you would be as annoyed as your DH's sister.

I can honestly say I wouldn’t. She is getting more in the will/inheritance situation, and I truthfully don’t mind and we have taken and accepted all that with a smile.

OP posts:
itshappening · 03/01/2018 18:47

Have read the updates, your SIL is bizarre and unreasonable. Never heard anything like it!

southboundagain · 03/01/2018 18:49

"They started it 20 years ago and there’s only £3500 in the fund? That’s £14.50 a month. I appreciate that the money would come in handy but if you could save £50 a month now you’d have more than that when your oldest child is 18."

Especially with the benefits of compound interest over that period! Probably they've done what my parents did and stuck it in a 0.5% instant-access savings account, rather than looking into child-specific accounts.

Mumof56 · 03/01/2018 18:49

I don’t mind where the money goes

For someone who doesn't mind, your posts make it sound like you do mind, very much

itshappening · 03/01/2018 18:50

Your PIL need to make it clear to SIL that they decide how to spend their money now, and that there is no guarantee they will have anything left to give anyone as an estate, choice or circumstance may change things.

Lashalicious · 03/01/2018 18:50

I agree with you op since the fund was specifically for gc education and doesn’t impact the equal Inheritance your dh and sil will be getting. If I were sil I would want the gc education fund set aside specifically for them to go to them. She is trying to dip into the gc’s education fund in addition to her equal share of the inheritance.

Original poster
TabbyTigger · 03/01/2018 18:52

I was yabu on page 1, I'm switching to Yanbu.

I think on page 1 a lot of people assumed I was talking about us getting more inheritance for our DCs education, not PIL giving their GC money towards their education (and separately splitting the inheritance very clearly to SIL’s favour)

itshappening she is odd, especially when it comes to money. Once made us pay for one salsa class (she’d already paid in a block) because she missed it to come to my DD’s 5th birthday party. Charming in person though!

OP posts:
Lashalicious · 03/01/2018 18:53

Just saw the op’s last post. So sil is already getting a bigger inheritance than dh. Well, that in itself is unfair and so is demanding half of the gc education fund when she has no children. It is true that it is the parents’ money to do with as they will but they are being manipulated by dh’s sister so that she ends up with a lot more inheritance + dipping into the grandchildren’s education fund.

Original poster
TabbyTigger · 03/01/2018 18:53

Okay Mumof56.

Especially with the benefits of compound interest over that period! Probably they've done what my parents did and stuck it in a 0.5% instant-access savings account, rather than looking into child-specific accounts.

I don’t think it was even a case of savings - I think they just lumped a couple of hundred in and recently announced that this was what they’d done and they were ready to distribute the money to the GC. Cue uproar from SIL.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 03/01/2018 18:54

Just because your SIL thinks she is getting it all, it doesn't mean she will get everything from your PIL.
Someone I know was giving it all to the one son, according to him, imagine his surprise, then his DM outlasted his DF and he found she had split it all 50%, she even wrote a letter saying she wanted both her DC to have equal shares, but had not wanted to put this into words while living as it always caused and argument...
Since the Brother were not speaking that much the 2nd son just left the solicitor to sell the house and give him his share, he realised his parents had always loved him just as much, but hadn't liked the arguements from his brother.

Original poster
TabbyTigger · 03/01/2018 18:55

I actually disagree with posters on here saying she doesn’t deserve more of the inheritance.

But I am glad most of those in question now say IANBU Grin

OP posts:
Carly767 · 03/01/2018 18:55

If the fund for GC education had been set up as a legal trust fund SIL could never made any claim to it.... personally I could not be bothered with game playing around money to be inherited and despise people who indulge in such shenanigans...

KayaG · 03/01/2018 18:56

Your Sil sounds awful. Dreadful woman.

Original poster
TabbyTigger · 03/01/2018 18:56

Just because your SIL thinks she is getting it all, it doesn't mean she will get everything from your PIL.

I really hope she does, if only to avoid WW3!!

OP posts:
RadioGaGoo · 03/01/2018 18:56

Sounds like SIL minds much more where the money goes OP! Grin

nocake · 03/01/2018 18:58

My parents are investing money for my kids and my sister wouldn't dream of objecting or demanding half the money (she has no kids). Your SiL sounds grabby and unpleasant.

TBH my sister wouldn't even have a problem with our parents splitting their estate unequally. She has a good job and a nice house and understands that my kids are likely to have a tougher time financially than we did. They will have to pay for their uni education and getting on the property ladder will be hard for them.

mummmy2017 · 03/01/2018 18:59

So if you PIL left you £250k , are you going to hand it over, or honor their wishes?

Swipe left for the next trending thread