To think DH should be doing more about this?

[TabbyTigger]

DH and I have three, soon to be four, children who are 13, 5, and 2. He has one sibling who has no children. It was recently mentioned that his parents have set up a fund to provide for their grandchildren’s (potential) university education.

DH’s sister has objected and says she should get half of the fund because only we have children. DH and PIL just seem to be accepting this and it looks like half of the fund is indeed now going to go to her. AIBU to think this is totally ridiculous?

Not sure it’s relevant, but she and her husband decided not to have children and their income is actually significantly higher than ours, so it’s not like they actually need the money. And even if they did I’d be a little cross about the principle!

I’m just worried my view is skewed because it’s my DC missing out. Hence posting here. Perfectly happy to be told IABU.

You say that she and her DH decided not to have children but you and your DH to decided TO have children, 4 of them. Presumably you thought this through and have enough money yourselves for education in the event that there is no fund from PIL.

I don't think SIL is being unreasonable in her opinion but at the end of the day, it is PILs' decision what they do and if they decide it is for education purposes, then clearly your family will get 100%.

Very poor form on your SIL's part, but ultimately your PIL's get the final say as to where the money goes.
It certainly isn't up to your DH to attempt to force the issue. What exactly do you think he should be doing?

I don't think I could get cross about my parents paying for my nieces and nephews education. I'd be happy for them.

That was money for their grandchildren's education, not for you or your dh. So why should she get half?

That was how I saw it - the money wouldn’t go into DH’s pocket. It’d go to their GC!

The inheritance is totally different - they’re getting different assets from that and SIL is getting more because she lives nearer to PIL so is more helpful. I would never dream of objecting to that because we only see them twice or three times a month - she visits weekly.

its there money you sound grabbie

Where are people getting the idea that this money is inheritance?

I'm don't think expecting your husband's parents to provide for your children is reasonable. It's their money to do what they want with.

£900 each (down to £450) is hardly providing for given the cost of university these days?

Furthermore, they want the money to go to the fund. It isn’t going to happen because SIL objects.

Anyway, I conceded earlier on that I’m clearly BU and letting my feelings about SIL’s general grabbiness get in the way so you can all calm down!

this fund was just started 20 odd years ago specifically to fund their grandchildren’s university education I can imagine the expectation 20 years ago was that both siblings would have had their own children and thus the fund would be split equally. If the fund was literally just for university would you be happy with 2 of your children getting half each and the third getting nothing, if they are not able to go to university?

put post its on PILs expensive items just to make sure they go to her My DM has actually asked her 4 children to do this so everyone knows what is going where when she dies. Not uncommon.

Well, they were doing what they wanted to do with their money for 20 years until SIL decided to get upset.

The money is in a fund that was going to go directly to GC - as in, grandparents were transferring it into mine and DH’s savings accounts for DC. It’s not inheritance!!

How can op be grabby but the sil is not? The sil has already claimed her parents expensive items as her own and they're not even dead yet

YANBU at all. They set up an educational fund for their grandchildren - who are separate people from their parents! It makes no sense for SIL to butt in and I would not let her get away with this.

Julie oh I didn’t know it was common - my parents died when I was young so we never had these discussions! It’s all alien to me. We haven’t put post its on anything because we generally don’t care what we get/ if we get anything and I find it a bit morbid!

Is your sil doing the bulk of the caring by any chance? If so she probably deserves all of the estate.

Not to mention kicking off over her nieces and nephews getting a grand total of £900 each towards their education. What decent adult would want to take what is a relatively small amount (compared to the cost of uni), away from children?

£900 each (down to £450) is hardly providing for given the cost of university these days?

No but is enough to have "tipped you over the edge"

What if you children decide not to go to university? What would you for see happening the money then?

How much are your own family contributing to their university?

They set up an educational fund for their grandchildren - who are separate people from their parents!

There were also my feelings on the matter! But not the popular viewpoint so I’ll let it go. Who knew giving money to your grandchildren would cause such a fuss

Have they only managed to save £3,500 over 20 years?

RavingRoo she is getting all of the estate! And the expensive paintings/furniture that she wants. DH is getting very little, but that is fine. We agree with that - she goes round once a week and cooks on that evening. We go round twice a month and take lots of frozen meals, and take them out/invite them round once a month, so don’t do nothing but we do less. I don’t dispute that she deserves the whole estate and all her expensive items!

Neither are actually particularly ill but FIL calls me every day for a chat and tells me the same things four or five times.

DH and I have three, soon to be four, children who are 13, 5, and 2

DH’s step children (my other biological children - who are 18 and 12

They started it 20 years ago and there’s only £3500 in the fund? That’s £14.50 a month. I appreciate that the money would come in handy but if you could save £50 a month now you’d have more than that when your oldest child is 18.

So, I wouldn’t make too much of it. Yes the SIL sounds a bit grabby but maybe there’s more going on than meets the eye behind her apparently solvent position. Or maybe she’s resentful of the next generation.

You really wear out that emoji Mumof56.

YABU and sound grabby.
What if none of your DC go to University or into further education... would you still expect the money?! I bet you’d think of reasons why your DC should still get it...

Mumof56 we’ve hardly thought about university so have no clue at this point. I can’t really answer your questions - this was all precipitated by them!

MyBrilliant I’m not sure it’s been a consistent “saving” effort and isn’t their only savings fund. This is just the amount they decided to put aside for their GCs education, but it is now to be halved because SIL thinks it’s not fair. This Christmas they also gave both families £2000 for future trips and holidays, so they probably have others stashed away.

How do you have a 13 year old with your DH who is his biologically but then a 12 year old who isn't? One is presumably a typo but which?

Long term you DC should benefit from their aunt not having kids as they might her only beneficiaries.