Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

[StandardRussian66]

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

That's perfect MarsBars

Mars' meme sums it up perfectly. That is pretty much it.

Indelible that has to be the word of the thread.They must have thought by using that word,we wouldnt know whatit means.You know wiht us tattooed people being ilks and all

MarsBars can I post that on Facebook?

Seems there's a lot of strong opinions on this topic.

Thanks so much to everyone who's posted but please can we ask that everyone steer clear of goady posts or anything which counts as a personal attack.....

As you were..................

Absolutely EvilDoctorHogmanayDuck, feel free!

Thanks so much, just uploaded it! It's very, very true.

I find it intriguing that posters are happy to admit that they make a judgement about people with tattoos and some are even quick to jump into a mud slinging match - but not one single person has even attempted to answer what the OP and I have been asking.....

Why can't I do that job or be employed by you?

What is it about me as a person you think my tattoos tell you?

Why do people think tattoos = reprobate?

Anyone?????

No tattooed lawyers though
takes bow

I know of loads. Judges, lawyers, paralegals, legal academics... some are covered under their suits and you’d never know.

I’ve also interned with judges & advocates who bare more than just tattooed sleeves in particular private clubs. I first met some of them when I worked behind the bar where pvc and ball gags were the fashion... made for interesting floor gazing in the tea room

No thanks erma
I gave the answers to these previously. I got aggressive and mocking comments back. It has become a vitriolic angry space for people with chips on shoulders so no, there will be no more question answering. It will only be used as fuel to fire another angry counterargument. Goodnight.

I'd be far more inclined to gravitate towards a heavily tattooed person (particularly if they are good tattoos) than I would a person with none

confused Why? That kind of kills the whole 'don't judge' argument, doesn't it?

I can certainly see how it would appear that way, but it's not about judging them for not having tattoos (after all, most people are not heavily tattooed) but, rather, just wanting to go out and have a nice time without complete strangers feeling the need to critique my appearance along the lines of some of the posts on this thread.

So if I have ten minutes to make friendly conversation, do I gravitate towards the non tattooed person and hope that if they hate tattoos, they don't feel the need to tell me why? Or do I go for the easy option and talk to other tattooed people knowing that I'm being judged on my personality and the quality of my tattoos and that they aren't worrying about whether I'm planning on mugging them?

I'm an English teacher, husband a surgeon, we have tattoos.... YADNBU ... It's the world we live in, sometimes I think it replaces the need for Xenophobia, Homophobia, etc. It's the last "allowed" judgement of the middle classes. Don't let it get to you. I agree that him being big might be a relevant thing... It intimidates other men and that leads to the tit-for-tat squaring up business for sure. My hubby and his colleagues joke about it, it's sadly an accepted judgement. If you want a bar fight you'll comment on it, if you want thoracic surgery for your baby you're suddenly a fan of the ink. Smart and brave people also get tattoos :- Who knew?!?!

If it helps, I can point you in in the direction of a tattooed QC. We used to share a tattoo artist

Ah dang. I've still got a tenner on 'I personally know a HC Judge with a half-drawn sleeve and 97 other tattoos.' Getting closer though

Me. Yesterday ^^

I’ve also interned with judges & advocates who bare more than just tattooed sleeves in particular private clubs

I'm calling bingo.

Should add, my husband is also black, Portuguese, huge and has a thick accent - Nothing bothers patients more than the tattoos. In his scrubs only one small (ish!) one is visable.

"Visible"!!!! Oh just kill me, I have tattoos, I am but a waste of life....

I'm calling bingo
Yup we play that too... might be somewhat different.

God forbid judges & lawyers have kink or tattoos or existence outwith Rumpole of the Bailey

Yes I think you may have been a bit unfairly caught in the mud slinging crossfire @Bumsnetnetbums

Yours are actually some of the most reasoned posts. The gist I’m getting is your perception is that having tattoos can negatively affect a persons career and opportunities, and you said it would put you off employing someone because they would strike you as having a 'dont give a shit' attitude and that's why you wouldn't want your DC to have any?

But can you see how that’s the cycle that we should be trying to break? By not giving someone a chance to prove their skills and capabilities, because of an assumption made on seeing a tattoo, it is restricting their opportunities and so the theory becomes reality.

When I’m interviewing as long as the candidate has made the effort to dress smartly, done their research on the company and the role and shows a bit of personality and enthusiasm, I don’t give a shit if they have tattoos and ten colours in their hair. A persons worth is not defined by looks alone.

I don’t know anyone whose career has been negatively affected by having tattoos; yes there will always be exceptions like the Met Police examples quoted, but that’s what they are, exceptions and not the norm.

The more we stop telling our children that “a tattoo WILL affect your career opportunities” and start encouraging them that a having a tattoo does not define a persons ability to excel in a job, the less frequently these exceptions will occur.

mustbemad17 Thu 04-Jan-18 21:30:14
Me too! I used to nanny for a solicitor who regularly had 'gatherings' for other solicitors, barristers, judges & oddly, court security guards

Why on earth is it odd that court security guards were invited to such gatherings? Seriously!!

Erma. Thank you.
The judgement isn't mine. It is ingrained into society and my views have emerged from that.
Re employment it would be what the tattoos say about the person. I would think rebellious and risk of attitude which would make them somewhat less professional. Although i accept this is mostly false it can and does happen and particularly re my kids i would be concerned that they would be viewed in this way. The ability to do a job is not influenced by tatts, but the choice to conform for instance to strict rules etc may be different to a non tatter.
Sure about the needing to change this but that is for me not my place. I am not prepared to risk my kids opportunities by doing so. As sad as that is.
I vehemently disagree with 16 yr olds being allowed to make that decision and to me that is irresponsible parenting. Again, others disagree.
There is a reason schoolkids are banned from certain haircuts and colours. This is to make them adhere to the expectations of authority. By the same argument the workplace is the same. That isnt my decision but the feelings i have derive from this.
My kids also had a foreign surname however after divorce i reverted back to my 'middle class' name. This was in part to avoid negative connotations. Racial bias in job applications is also an issue. I am not a racist for doing this. I am reacting to social norms. EVERYTHING I do is to further their life chances. They also have traditional firstnames.
I am a single parent of 5. I already battle against that label.
I am sure that people know QCs lawyers doctors etc with tatts. My profession would however view that negatively. We have a different agency doing the 'lower end' of our job roles. It is these individuals that i have observed to have body modifications. This is an obvious thing which many clients have focused on. Some have asked to come directly to us. They fear low standard work. The work is not low standard. But is percieved to be.
So in summary. Tatts dont change intelligence or ability to work have relationships and the like. But the fact is they do result in being viewed in a certain way. People know this and make that choice. Given the above arguments i would still discourage tattoos to my children
That will not cause them to verbalise any judgement as I do not. It will not as the spurious assiciation above result in my kids bullying or attacking or killing someone who has tattoos. It will simply let them know what is socially acceptable until they can choose their own decisions ie over 18.
That doesnt make me embarrassing or a bore or thick or unhinged or as having comprehension issues as was nastily suggested by a clique of angry tatted individuals who have quite visibly used the thread to show anger and hostility to anyone who opposes their views.
I have not treated anyone like a cunt. You dont need to feel sorry for my kids as i dont feel sorry for yours.
Mustbemad in the last statement has completely backttracked. Because suddenly judgement is normal. Yes it is. To verbalise it is wrong. I agree as i have previously said.
I hope that answers your questions. I have given fair debate against an angry mob without personal attacks. It is not my comments which have been deleted
I still stand by my views. I am not apologising to anyone for that-having an opinion.

I doubt anyone would argue it's OK for a 16 year old to get a tattoo. That's illegal. If you get a tattoo under 18 you're getting it under false pretences or from someone operating without a licence, which is also illegal. Personally I wouldn't encourage my children to get a tattoo even at 18, and I do worry a bit when I see young people with extensive work (including hands and neck) in their early 20s already. So people with tattoos aren't one hive mind as you seem to think!

The rest of your post I can totally understand. Fair play to you, raising 5 children as a single parent - obviously you want to give them the best chance possible in life and that has informed your views.

No reputable tattoo studio would tattoo anyone under 18, and most have strict rules about only tattooing hands and faces if the person is already extensively covered. For most in the tattoo industry getting a hand / face or neck done is a right of passage, earned through having the rest of your body completely covered, having already made a huge commitment to tattooing.

I’ve attached a screenshot from the largest tattoo studio in Norwich regarding this.

Excellent post ^Bumsnet*

And actually on reflection, my views are also tainted by the fact i live on a housing estate with many unemployed. Most have visible tatts. Because of this i have sought for my children to move away from this. So there is an element of snobbery in my parenting decisions which perhaps i should examine since I would not wish my own children to look down on people not because of their tatts but their low social status. And this is from wanting them to have more than i have in life.

I vehemently disagree with 16 yr olds being allowed to make that decision and to me that is irresponsible parenting. Again, others disagree

I haven't seen anyone argue that tattooing a 16 year old is a good idea. No reputable tattoo studio would tattoo a 16 year old.

Jaques
Mustbemad 12 23 yesterday.
Tattooists will do at 16 if a parent consents.
I disagreed.
She said the parents allowing this were more open minded. Which then went on to criticise my parenting and feeling sorry for my kids.