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AIBU?

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Original poster

Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

809 replies

StandardRussian66 · 03/01/2018 14:48

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

OP posts:
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mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 20:46

Ooh Honey so you're a self mutilator too!!!

I think people are confusing the whole judging thing. Everyone does it, even the higher class amongst us. The problem comes when people open their traps & verbalise that judgement unnecessarily

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 20:47

If being a grown up means i have to be boring i never want to grow up! My children will be so thrilled!

HoneyBeeMum1 · 04/01/2018 20:48

Good point Loon.

Surely none of the tattooed contributors here can say they didn't know - before they got the tattoo - tattoos get a negative reaction in many situations.

There is no use crying about it now.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 20:50

But you would get berated if you verbalised your judgement about somebody's weight for example. So why is it okay to be blatantly wankerish about somebody's tats? If people don't like them, yay their lookout. But to make comments about them & deem somebody mentally unstable etc is out of order

HoneyBeeMum1 · 04/01/2018 20:52

Don't do it mustbemad!

Nothing is more mortifying to a child than a 'I'm not boring', 'Down with the kids' mother.

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 20:58

😂😂 i'm that parent that looks for a responsible adult when i need to sign forms. They're stupendously doomed 😆

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2018 21:01

Nothing is more mortifying to a child than a 'I'm not boring', 'Down with the kids' mother

I don't know. The mother who lists her children's accomplishments on the web might be close

Openup41 · 04/01/2018 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/01/2018 21:08

I wondered how long it would be before a judgemental thread cropped up again. It makes me laugh to see posters on this one who were so keen to express their vehement judgements on goodness knows what 'maladies', being ruffled by other posters doing the same on this one.

"Don't post your opinions" and "I'd gravitate to a tattooed person more than a non-tattooed person"...

Some of you must surely be suffering whiplash? Grin

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 21:11

I think the 'gravitate towards a tattooed person' was said in relation to it being a conversation starter (i said similar myself). If i randomly walked up a non tattooed person chattering i'd probably be seen as a nutter 😂 But i always want to talk to people with tattoos because i like hearing the stories behind the choices (and i'm always up for getting decent artist names!). So on my part at least, it's not a judgement of non tattooed fellows but a selfish desire to find out more about the art

kaytee87 · 04/01/2018 21:15

Would you judge him negatively if you met him?

I'd probably fancy himGrin

Op people can be dicks, might be his tattoos, might be his build.

We live in a naice area and my dad used to go swimming in the neighbouring (not so nice) towns swimming pool as he had tattoos and people would stare in our local one. This was in the 90s though.

TooManyPaws · 04/01/2018 21:16

If it helps, I can point you in in the direction of a tattooed QC. We used to share a tattoo artist.

He is gay, though, so perhaps that might cause even more apoplexy?

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 21:17

TooMany don't add too many more factors into the mix, people's heads might implode

TooManyPaws · 04/01/2018 21:18

Oh, and it was the court staff who first mentioned his tattoos to me, rather than the tattoo artist, so he obviously didn't cover all the time Grin

RaeCJ82 · 04/01/2018 21:22

Personally I don't like tattoos and I do tend to inwardly judge people who are covered in them. If I saw a big, body builder kind of guy with a load of tattoos, I'd probably think he was a bit of a meat head. I wouldn't air these views though. Not my skin so not my choice.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 04/01/2018 21:22

If it helps, I can point you in in the direction of a tattooed QC. We used to share a tattoo artist

Ah dang. I've still got a tenner on 'I personally know a HC Judge with a half-drawn sleeve and 97 other tattoos.' Getting closer though.

He is gay, though, so perhaps that might cause even more apoplexy?

Why should that be the case?

Again. This is hardly news. A decent half of the country is sporting at least one tattoo!

HoneyBeeMum1 · 04/01/2018 21:25

I have known some gay lawyers. No tattooed lawyers though.

HoneyBeeMum1 · 04/01/2018 21:26

I don't know which country you are living in Shegot, but I don't think it is the same as mine!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 04/01/2018 21:26

I have known some gay lawyers. No tattooed lawyers though

They exist. I've seen 'em Grin

mustbemad17 · 04/01/2018 21:30

Me too! I used to nanny for a solicitor who regularly had 'gatherings' for other solicitors, barristers, judges & oddly, court security guards. Totally blew my mind a) how many had visible tats and b) how many of them did cocaine in their spare time!!

Turns out being in a 'respectable' profession doesn't necessarily make you a 'respectable' person!

NotACleverName · 04/01/2018 21:58

The tat brigade are fiercely defensive and angry as fuck, and cannot BEAR to be challenged. And they have been way ruder than anyone who is against tats.

Have you stopped to consider the fact that it's because we've heard the same tired, over-used, downright boring statements approximately 7,834,927 times?

There's only so many times someone can infer that you're attention seeking/a sheep/wrongly compare tattoos to self harm/delete as applicable before you end up losing your shit.

oblada · 04/01/2018 22:35

I don't get the angst from people who are against tattoos. It's just odd. I can't see how I could ever get that worked up about anybody else's choice regarding their body... There are so much to get worked up about it seems a complete waste of energy.
Anyway as I've said it doesn't affect me. Both me and DH have tattoos, I am a lawyer and he is a scientist with a PhD to boot, both professionals, both respected and only ever had positive comments about our tattoos. So the creepy judgey ppl on this thread must either not exist in our worlds or shut up and pretend nicely that they don't care. It is certainly not hindering our professional careers.
Mn is full of weird ppl I have to say.

ermagerdsnur · 04/01/2018 23:39

Wow, this thread has opened my eyes Shock

I fully understand that some people may not LIKE my tattoos, that they think they look grubby or dirty and are of the opinion that I've ruined my skin. Do you know what? I'm perfectly ok with that, I'm not offended in any way. It would be a sad world if we all liked the same things right?

I'm even ok (to a degree) with the people who admit to judging - I'm not going to judge you for it, that's your prerogative.

Did I know this would happen before I had them done? Of course I did - but that doesn't make it ok for you to do it - is it ok to tell a girl who gets verbally harassed by a man as she walks down the street that "she should have known that would happen when she put on that short skirt this morning?"

As posters up thread have said, it's perfectly ok to tell your DCs that you personally don't like them and don't want them to have them, your house your rules, if your DCs decide to get them anyway that's for them to deal with the consequences, they know how you feel!

But here lies the crux of the problem.

If you keep telling your DCs that they won't get good jobs and giving them the message that having tattoos somehow makes a person less worthy, they will grow up with that belief, and they will be the next generation of employers judging that people are not worthy to do a particular job because they have tattoos.

And so the cycle continues.

We should be bringing our children up to be accepting that people have different likes and dislikes, but as long as these are within the bounds of the law and not hurting anyone (and tattoos most certainly do not affect anyone other than the bearer!) then a persons likes or dislikes does not make them any more or less worthy as a person.

I know that people will judge me, but I struggle to get my head around WHY.... on what basis do people reach the conclusion that by having tattoos I am somehow "lesser" than them? That I make bad judgements, or I'm not capable of doing a particular job or worthy of being employed?

So I go back to my original question from right up near the top of the thread, which no one seems to have been able to answer yet.....

Why can't I do that job or be employed by you?
What is it about me as a person you think my tattoos tell you?

RoseWhiteTips · 05/01/2018 00:20

ShellyBoobs

Do those of you who’ve had yourselves coloured in find it a problem where jobs are concerned?

Coloured in!?!?!
Excellent post.

shatteredmama · 05/01/2018 01:55

Tattoos are pretty mainstream these days, so I find it hard to believe that some people can be judgy towards them. I love them, and if anyone with tattoos sees me looking, it'll purely be because I find them interesting and the only thing I might judge is whether they're skilfully done.

I do know a few people with tattoos who make a right old song and dance about getting judged or treated differently, don't get it to be honest, tattoos are not an indication of personality type, occupation, class etc anymore and certainly not an act of rebellion, which I think some wearers feel (or secretly want) them to be.