Openly judgmental towards tattoos?

[StandardRussian66]

My OH is tattooed from the neck down. They are cultural tattoos and he is a big guy, over 6ft and does body building.
I knew him years ago when he didn’t have the tattoos and when he was slim. Strangers were nice to him, and treated him like any other person. But now, he finds that men tend to square up to him on nights out, shop staff and waiting staff are abnormally abrupt and people in general is just openly quite hostile towards him. It makes me sad, and makes him anxious about going out.

AIBU to think most people aren’t this ignorant that they can’t see past the ink and see that he’s just a normal guy who wants to be able to enjoy a glass of coke in his local pub without men puffing their chests out at him whenever he walks by?
I thought we were over this in this day and age.

Saw this on social media and thought of this thread 😬

Eivissa that is brilliant 😂

People are going to notice tattoos, that is the idea. Like any other difference, it is rude to stare and certainly rude to comment uninvited.

If you don't want to be noticed, don't have tattoos, pink hair, thick makeup , lots of piercings , ripped jeans etc. The rest of us will notice but we should not stare, comment or treat you differently.

We went out for lunch yesterday and he wore a roll neck jumper. The difference in how he was treated by staff is so noticeable. Until he pulled out his wallet and they saw his hands. Then the instant icyness again.

Ooh Standard i hope he asked them if his money wasn't good enough 😝😝

It might be wrong, but I would totally judge him on account of his tattoos

I absolutely agree with @shatteredmama I've NEVER received any negative "judgement" in response to my tattoos or piercings (don't get me wrong I've had people told me it's not their taste, that's fine) and it certainly hadn't affected my career (qualified professional, on the senior management team running the European division, one of the highest earners in my family....) and that's why I say this thread has opened my eyes!

I think the people like @froginapond @RoseWhiteTips @HoneyBeeMum1 @Bumsnetnetbums @ShellyBoobs who are vocal about "judging" are in the minority, that's why I'm interested in WHY they have these views (not being goady, just genuinely interested!)

"If you don't want to be noticed, don't have tattoos, pink hair, thick makeup , lots of piercings , ripped jeans etc. The rest of us will notice but we should not stare, comment or treat you differently."

You've pretty much summed up the entire thread there, special. Personally I know that in certain situations I will get stared at (mainly swimming pools!) It's not an experience I relish, but it was something I considered when I started getting tattooed. In the end I decided that fear of judgement (which I think most of us have) wasn't a good enough reason not to do what I wanted with my own body.

I don't like tattoos. I think they more or less always look awful. I also think some of the designs people choose are visually juvenile.

However, this is a personal, aesthetic opinion not a social judgement. Loads of my friends have them - probably more than do not and I certainly don't think any less of them for it. To me, it's like any matter of taste - I like modernism, my friend likes a more homely traditional style, it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference to our friendship because we both accept the other's tastes simply differ but that we still share more than divides us.

Re that smartphone message @eivissa put up.

What a stupid, pathetic, ill-informed, laughable thing to say. That someone must have a 'baggy fanny' coz they have had 3 children. The comment isn't 'brilliant' at all, and I can't get my head around what kind of person thinks it's funny or clever to say or assume that. I can only surmise that they are not very well educated.

I have not had 3 kids by the way before anyone says anything!

A heavily tattooed, heavily muscled 6ft body builder is going to look to many/most people like he's making a very direct statement about his toughness. That's what people are responding to.

I agree with this (albeit this was c.700 posts ago)

I don't mind being noticed. I don't care what people think of me in private.

I do care when people see people with tattoos as a free pass to make rude comments.

Amongst others I've had "god what on EARTH have you done to yourself". "You really should cover that, it will ruin your wedding dress". "It's not very attractive but if YOU like it" coupled with a tinkly little laugh.

The example posted earlier was extreme; but it makes a point. I would never, ever pass uninvited comment on anyone. I dont think it's unreasonable to expect the same courtesy

I can't get my head around what kind of person thinks it's funny or clever to say or assume that.

I imagine the same kind of individual who thinks it's ok to make assumptions about someone with tattoos..... both are equally laughable and pathetic.

Interesting that you chose to respond to that particular post but not offer a sensible, rational, reasoned response to my questions....

Just saw this on the Radio 2 Facebook page. Frog you might need a handhold for this.

I have naturally bright red hair so have long since become accustomed to being stared at and getting the odd nasty comment about my appearance (although I modelled as a child so can't have been all THAT bad looking) so didn't really care if my tattoos made me more noticeable.

Having said that - when I had bright pink and then blue hair for over a decade after university, I experienced none of the hostility that I put up with when I have my natural hair colour. Maybe people thought I looked like I'd punch them if they tried it, who knows.

The only even vaguely critical comments I have had about my tattoos were from the aforementioned journalist (and I'm not even sure that was hostile, just a bit bemusing for me because who goes up to a total stranger and says something like that?) and from my boyfriend, who asked if I minded people 'reading' me - in reference to a quote from the film Fury ('Ideals are peaceful, history is violent' for the curious) that I have on one of my arms. He can't say anything though because he's got THE worst tattoo EVER on his back - which he acquired when he was fourteen and at boarding school so without any parental supervision. Seriously, some of you would have absolute KITTENS if you could see it as it's AWFUL.

What a stupid, pathetic, ill-informed, laughable thing to say.

Kinda like making value judgments about people with tattoos, huh? 😊🙃

Nobody has still really said why tattoos = social reprobate.
Oh well. DP is such a terrible person saving lives everyday.

Frog personally i loved the FB meme! I am on my third child too (can't tell you about the baggy fanny til the third one pops) too so hey ho!!

I think tattoos and piercings look awful. I just don't understand why anyone would want them, ever. But it's an opinion and people make their own choices about their bodies.

I do think people are judged about tattoos and piercings, as they are by certain hair styles and clothes styles or any lifestyle choice we all make.

This thread is full of vitriol from those with all viewpoints. It is horrible to read the attitudes and attacking comments of many if the people posting. My understanding is we are all allowed opinions as long as we do not express them offensively or behave in ways that hurt others. I am going to hide this thread because it is pretty disgusting. There is a whole sub-tone to it of attacking, aggressive, judgmental attitudes from all sides. I don't even want to see it in my threads.

I’m only on my second. Only half baggy.

I can't quite believe that this thread is going...

...but if we're going to challenge the misogyny of some of the comments made upthread about tattoos on women (which we should) then that should also extend to that tweet, which is pretty overtly misogynistic.

STILL going, I meant

@Mme

We need to see the terrible tat.

Floella I shall see what I can do! He's morbidly fascinated by my tales of Mumsnet so may well volunteer to show it off but if not, I will attempt a stealth mission. He knows that I think it's terrible so this won't be a shock or anything. ;)

I was pretty surprised when I first saw it though. He's a typical ex public school type with his loafers, Barbour, tales of playing hockey against Prince Harry, posh blonde exes, conservative dress sense etc but then take off his shirt and OMG WHAT IS THAT THING ON YOUR BACK. WHAT IS IT. PUT IT AWAY.

LuluJakey

My understanding is we are all allowed opinions as long as we do not express them offensively or behave in ways that hurt others. I am going to hide this thread because it is pretty disgusting

I agree.