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AIBU?

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Original poster

I asked my guest to leave my home.

999 replies

bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 22:44

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
TeeniefaeTroon · 03/01/2018 01:29

I'm Scottish and an estate agent, I'm always offered tours of people's houses when I go there for the first time. Then I get asked how much it's worth, should they change the bathroom/kitchen etc. I tell them to
book me to come out during working hours 😄

FrivolouslyFancifulFannie · 03/01/2018 01:41

As you didn't really know them but invited them i think they have assumed as its a new build you were inviting them to show off your new house as their new neighbor.

She was probably looking forward to having a nose, when you didn't offer she asked, then asked again and again then took herself off for a sneaky look as she had been waiting (since the invite) for a look. Reading this thread it seems to be the done thing in Ireland.

Personally i would have just showed her to keep them on good terms but it's your house so your choice what you do.

BenLui · 03/01/2018 02:22

We’re Scottish. When we’ve moved house it goes as follows:

Existing friends and family expect a tour on their first visit to new house after you’ve moved. This is often a pain the neck as it means that every room needs to be in perfect order for several months.

However I absolutely would not expect brand new friends to ask for a tour.

Saying “no” to a tour because it isn’t convenient is perfectly acceptable and I wouldn’t consider it rude. I’d just assume that it’s a tip Grin and the host is embarrassed.

Asking repeatedly for a tour is extremely rude. Especially since you don’t know each other.

Taking it upon herself to wander round your house after explicitly being refused is so deeply unacceptable it moves into “weird” territory.

I would be determinedly unembarrassed if I met them out and about in future.

At least she’s shown her true colours quickly. Can you imagine if you’d got friendly and given her an emergency key, she’d have been through all your drawers!

RideOn · 03/01/2018 02:27

If you’re just built and this is their first time round I’d be expecting a tour. I don’t think it’s ok for her to be snooping - that’s unreasonable.
Can I have it both ways? Smile

WilyMinx · 03/01/2018 02:35

I would have expected a tour if I had been invited to someone's new home for dinner, especially a new build. However, I wouldn't have asked 3 times, and certainly wouldn't have sneaked off for a peak after the host said no. She was being completely unreasonable.

WilyMinx · 03/01/2018 02:35

*peek

toopeoply · 03/01/2018 02:51

Legends, I am in Scotland too and am offered, or offer 'the tour', all the time! I've never asked though. She was strangely persistent..

user1485778793 · 03/01/2018 02:55

I don't understand op.....

She went through your closet and into your bedroom? Have you re built Narnia? If that's the case I'd love to have a look GrinWink

Seriously. She's nuts.

CIssieB · 03/01/2018 02:55

I’m from Scotland and have been to many a new/refurbished house and a “wee tour” is the norm

Scots of MN, is it just me?

I don’t think it’s just you. I can recall many times over the years where I’ve been taken around someone’s new home for a look. It even happens where I live now, thousands of miles from the UK. We’ve only ever had homes that we did from scratch, it’s the norm here, and it’s not uncommon to visit the site and find people going through your house just for a look, or pinching ideas for their own homes.

Was the OP being unreasonable for not taking the neighbour around? No. But I do think her home being one they’ve built from scratch has gone to her head a bit. She needs to get over it.

Was she being ungracious asking the woman to leave? Yes if only for the sake of the woman’s husband. He hadn’t done anything wrong and you never embarrass a guest.

cjdamoo · 03/01/2018 03:10

We had some friends visit our home for the first time just before Christmas. I was baffled when they asked for a tour. We live in a bog standard 4beder on a new estate, not some architectural anomaly.

Husband showed them round anyway whilst I carried on making drinks bemused as to why anyone would willingly enter teenage boy bedrooms.

cjdamoo · 03/01/2018 03:12

Eta I am from the North of England friends from the south.

TheHodgeHeg · 03/01/2018 03:16

I don't think a tour of the house is weird for people who haven't seen it before. You don't have to show all the bedrooms but it's nice to show the downstairs at least and laugh about how messy your room is so you couldn't possibly show them.

I love seeing people's houses and would be surprised if someone didn't show me around or say go have a look. I probably wouldn't ask for a tour unless I knew the person very well though. Definitely wouldn't ask three times or go poking around!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/01/2018 03:24

I don't think she was rude to ask to see the house - it's a new build, they'd probably seen it being built and wanted to see the outcome.
It was rude to keep persisting though and it was definitely VERY rude to then go through the house without permission!

So no, YWNBU to ask them to leave after that behaviour.

On the other side, friends of mine (and maybe there's the difference, they were friends) who have moved into new properties have ALWAYS wanted to give me the "grand tour" of their new home and show it off.
So maybe she was just assuming a level of intimacy that you hadn't reached yourself at all, or maybe she was just nosey.

franjelico · 03/01/2018 03:32

Check that nothing is missing, or been tampered with! That is some usually-only-seen-on-itv-crime-dramas level of sociopathic. Who tf just walks upstairs in someone's home without permission? And Scottish, TimbukTooish, whatever - expecting someone to show you around their home when you've only just met is bonkers! I feel embarrassed asking to go to the bathroom in someone's house.

daisychain01 · 03/01/2018 03:35

I can't think of anything more cringe-worthy than giving someone a "tour" of the house. I don't mind in the least if someone asks to use the toilet and needs to walk through "it's over there, first on the left", but the thought of actually walking round with them and showing off every room is my idea of living hell. Maybe I'm just not a "tour of the house" type of gall.

OkPedro · 03/01/2018 03:41

A pp mentioned sex toys as a reason for not giving a tour..yeah I'm always leaving those damn sex toys lying around.. on the landing, on the stairs..especially when I have people over for a party 😂

I wouldn't offer a tour to a random new neighbour then again I wouldn't invite them to a New Year's Eve party with family and friends

Weebo · 03/01/2018 03:58

Why would anyone be surprised that they weren't shown around someone's house?

It's not fucking MTV Cribs.

WildIrishRose1 · 03/01/2018 04:08

Scottish, TimbukTooish, whatever - expecting someone to show you around their home when you've only just met is bonkers!

^this. I'm Irish, and while a tour would be common among family and friends, a stranger asking would be odd, unless it's a very rural place where the neighbours like to know the smallest detail about your life. I'm shocked at the neighbour's rudeness here.

Chingchok · 03/01/2018 04:09

Super surprised by the notion it is rude not to give a tour, but then you live and learn. It isn’t something that would occur to me, although I remember my Gran always expected one. But I feel like it is different for family as they want to see where their kids/grandkids are living. When we have friends over, particularly new acquaintances, they mainly hang out in the kitchen or the garden where we’d be cooking/barbecuing. People often go up to check in on our young kids or retrieve them from our bedroom. Now I come to think of it, little kids ALWAYS get given a tour by my son Smile

HuskyMcClusky · 03/01/2018 04:13

It would never occur to me to request or offer a tour.

That said, although she was rude, I wouldn’t kick a guest out of my house just for that.

winterwonderlandy · 03/01/2018 04:31

She definitely shouldn't have gone snooping around, but where I live it's very normal to get a tour of someone's new house, and more so if they have built it. Some people recently built a house across the road from my mum and dad's and they only invited them in for a tour a few weeks ago, which was a few months after they moved in. Although mum and dad had only said hello to them in passing before that, I could tell that my mum was thinking 'Eventually!' when she got the invite!! It's just the done thing around here.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/01/2018 04:58

With you all the way OP ! Lovely of you to invite them over to dinner, rude of her to ask for a tour. To snoop around your closet, beggars belief, some people eh !

Montsti · 03/01/2018 05:24

People always ask for a tour of our house! We completely renovated it a year ago so that’s probably why...we built our last house from scratch so we had the same. I love looking around people’s houses!

I expect it and offer if people start asking questions about decor/style etc...I think you were being very unreasonable saying no...rude and a bit odd...

But she was clearly out of order having a nose when you had been very clear!

AstridWhite · 03/01/2018 05:26

I think it's probably normal to do a tour if you've recently moved house and they are old friends. And I suppose it's normal to do a tour if you've recently built a house, people are curious and most owners would be proud and happy to show off the results, especially if it has been the subject of much of the conversation. However, it is perfectly okay to NOT want this to happen and your guests were very rude to keep pressing it and to go poking around on their own.

Personally I probably would not have asked them to leave on the spot but I would have politely drawn the evening to an earlier close than might otherwise have happened, then made a mental note to never socialise with them again.

FrancisUnderwood · 03/01/2018 05:50

I'm in NW England, it wouldn't be unusual or unreasonable that upon being invited to a new project build for the first time that you ask to be shown round. In fact it's almost polite! Showing an interest!
That said, she should have stopped at asking once.

What I do find thoroughly unreasonable is this current trend for slapping a flat 'NO' in someone's face. It's STAGGERINGLY rude!!!
It ISNT a complete sentence at all!