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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I asked my guest to leave my home.

999 replies

bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 22:44

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 03/01/2018 06:03

As you didn't really know them but invited them i think they have assumed as its a new build you were inviting them to show off your new house as their new neighbor.

I feel the opposite. If I invited neighbours o didn't really know to dinner, especially if there were other people there (which I guess was the case here), it would be to get to know them and male friends. It wouldnt cross my mind to do a tour, especially if there were other guests who would be left waiting

I wouldn't have asked them to leave though.

HuskyMcClusky · 03/01/2018 06:08

Actually, OP, how did that go down? What did you (or your DH) say when you asked them to leave, and what did they reply?

Trying to imagine this all playing out in front of other guests...Hmm

RadioGaGoo · 03/01/2018 06:12

Yeah, hopefully you asked them both to leave quietly and not in front of other guests.

LaurieFairyCake · 03/01/2018 06:21

This thread is pure gold Grin

I'm also Scottish and everyone gets a tour of my new London house, all family got a Skype tour. My friend abroad got a tour/multiple photographs, Facebook got a tour. Everyone from the north of England has asked for a tour when they've visited.

This may explain why I've had a few odd looks when I've offered a tour to the postie/decorator/plumber though BlushGrin

coconuttella · 03/01/2018 06:37

Whenever I’ve been invited round to a house someone’s just bought or refurbished I’ve been offered a tour... I live in southern England btw... that doesn’t mean it’s rude not to offer a tour to your guests, just that tours of new houses are pretty normal in my circle (which I suppose you’d call middle class).

VivaLeBeaver · 03/01/2018 06:39

My house is far too messy to be giving people tours. Front room and kitchen are tidyish and that’s where visitors are allowed.

shockthemonkey · 03/01/2018 06:41

You should have given a face-saving reason for no tour -- I would have found a flat "no" very rude.

Why were they driving if they live just two fields away???

MuseumOfCurry · 03/01/2018 06:52

I've asked good friends to show me around their house when they had an extensive renovation.

In any case, I've seen the whole of most of my old friends' houses by way of coaxing toddlers off to sleep during late nights through the years. I think it would be strange if I turned up to someone's house that I'd known for 15 years and didn't ask for a tour post-renovation.

I wouldn't ask someone I didn't know well.

eurochick · 03/01/2018 06:55

I'm in England and in my circle a tour is the norm after moving house or renovating. I'm not sure I'd want someone I'd only just met looking around though.

InfiniteSheldon · 03/01/2018 06:57

You wanted to make new friends, you didn't do a very good job of that so on balance yabu.

OuaisMaisBon · 03/01/2018 07:08

I only go on tours of houses when friends/family have just moved/built/renovated and are obviously longing to show the place off, and it is polite to show an interest. No way would I ask someone I barely know for a tour of their house again and again, I think that is quite rude. I don't expect dinner party guests to visit the whole of the house, living-room, dining-room and downstairs loo are all I want them to see - the kitchen is normally in a state of chassis when I'm cooking and upstairs is out of bounds as it is permanently the opposite of a "House and Garden" photo-shoot.
I really don't think your husband's and your behaviour was unreasonable at all, OP.

nigelschristmasham · 03/01/2018 07:09

See, I also think it's the norm to give people a tour. We just moved to a very old house with three other houses round the courtyard thingy it backs on to. On the first day one of the neighbours came to say hello, mentioned that they'd love to see the house, (as it had been empty for a while) and in they came-but I warned them they would have to take as they find as we had just moved in.
All my friends have been given the tour wether they want it it not!
I'm in the south east and from the midlands so it's not a Scottish thing necessarily!

Still you had said no thrice so she shouldn't have then gone wandering about!

coconuttella · 03/01/2018 07:15

We’re Scottish. When we’ve moved house it goes as follows: Existing friends and family expect a tour on their first visit to new house after you’ve moved. This is often a pain the neck as it means that every room needs to be in perfect order for several months. However I absolutely would not expect brand new friends to ask for a tour.

I’m English.... it’s no different south of the border!

Notso · 03/01/2018 07:24

I wouldn't ask for a tour but if someone I barely knew who had just built a house invited me round I'd assume I was getting a tour of the house.

Infact just from what you have posted I want a tour of your house, walking through a closet and to 'eventually' reach the master bedroom is intriguing. How big is this closet?

Pengggwn · 03/01/2018 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

citychick · 03/01/2018 07:26

OP YANBU.
it's quite common for people in our area to make contact with you if you've just renovated and they want to see the work of the builders. I had a few strangers round to check out the extension!

I don't mind showing my home.
My Scottish parents however, would be horrified. Absolutely no house showing by them. Grin

Howlonguntileaster · 03/01/2018 07:27

I also am in the camp that a tour is the norm when someone has a new or renovated house. In fact, our neighbours have been doing extensive renovations and have said they will soon be inviting us all in for drinks. They've not mentioned a tour but I will be disappointed if I don't get one!

However, she was rude to not take no for an answer and outrageous to trespass upstairs. Not sure I could've asked them to leave though, given that they are neighbours. Awkward!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/01/2018 07:32

I’m in Wales and I expect a tour of a friends/Family’s New/refugees Home. I don’t go to stranger’s houses so not sure what to expect there.

She was rude to be so persistent and then do it anyway.

Well the neighbour was out of line, but I don't think it is very clever to be picking fights with your new neighbours. There is nothing worse than fights with the neighbours and sometimes good neighbourly relations can be a life saver

Maybe, but setting yourself up as a doormat probably isn’t good either.

ButchyRestingFace · 03/01/2018 07:32

I’m from Scotland and have been to many a new/refurbished house and a “wee tour” is the norm.

Scots of MN, is it just me? Or is this another North/South cultural loose connection?

Another slightly bemused Scot here (central Belt).

It would never occur to me not to give new visitors a wee tour. My parents did this too.

Obviously OP’s guest overstepped the mark by a long shot though.

LellyMcKelly · 03/01/2018 07:36

A lot of you are completely missing the point here. The OP is completely within her rights to refuse a tour. She does not have to give a reason. They were invited for dinner, not a tour of the house. That’s her decision and not open to debate. What is completely unreasonable is that the CF keeps asking for a tour and then sneaks off and starts going through the house by herself. That is well within CF territory and the OP has every right to kick them out.

InfiniteSheldon · 03/01/2018 07:39

The point of the invite was to make friends..........

gunsandbanjos · 03/01/2018 07:47

Another Scottish MN here and we always do a tour of a new place!

MaudlinMews · 03/01/2018 07:47

I’ve only ever been offered a tour of a house once before and that was a very grand new build in Cheshire. I have to say I was perplexed, I mean, what do say beyond “oh, mm, how lovely.” I was bored by the end of it.

I think upstairs (or certainly bedrooms) is/are private and not for wandering around.

I’m from the Midlands but have lived in the North and South and have only ever come across this in the North but I have been asked for a tour by friends who were northern (from work) when I lived in the South.

I wonder if it’s linked to the shoes on/shoes off split? Or the poppers-in great divide?

Personally, I think its rude and to ask twice is extremely rude.

I had to scold a kitchen fitter once for wandering upststairs while asking “what’s up here then?” The cheek!

ButchyRestingFace · 03/01/2018 07:48

So if someone offers you a tour of their house, is it rude to turn them down?

Extremely rude.

Botdering on unnatural, I would say.*

*But then, I’m Scottish. Grin

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 03/01/2018 07:56

South Wales, for the first 6 mths of living in our new home, everyone who came for a tour. I had to make sure rooms were tidy because I know it’s expected, I didn’t really mind, I like to show off my Home.