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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I asked my guest to leave my home.

999 replies

bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 22:44

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
BashStreetKid · 03/01/2018 00:10

You were rude not to give a tour. Unless you had a good reason and explained it.

What nonsense. Since when was anyone under an obligation to allow a tour of their house? I certainly wouldn't do it.

gillybeanz · 03/01/2018 00:13

I'd give anyone a tour who i'd invited, most of my family and friends have seen it anyway and wouldn't ask.
Toilets are a free for all upstairs or downstairs, that's normal.

I wouldn't invite someone I hardly know for NY though, just family or friends.

Swirlingasong · 03/01/2018 00:13

frogsoup, I thought the same. If someone who had just built their own house invited me over I would feel rude not to show an interest as I would assume they wanted to show it off. I would particularly want or expect to see bedrooms. It's perfectly possible to just stand on the landing and wave towards rooms and say that's the bedroom without making any move to go in. Or just show them downstairs and talk about how many bedrooms you have or whatever.

She was rude to keep asking and even ruder to just invade anyway, but I find a flat no pretty odd too.

BashStreetKid · 03/01/2018 00:13

Going to the hellish trouble of building an ENTIRE NEW HOUSE and not wanting to show it off to all and sundry is baffling to me. I'm in England. It'd be actively rude not to ask for a tour round here - offering is a grey area moving towards 'I'm showing off', hence guests tend to ask.

If I were to build a new house, it would be for me and my family to live in, not to show to other people. I'm in England too, and it wouldn't be in the least rude not to ask for a tour where I am. In fact new neighbours did ask us and a number of other neighbours round to their substantially renovated house before Christmas: they didn't offer tours, and none of the guests asked. I certainly didn't think anyone was being rude.

stayathomegardener · 03/01/2018 00:13

Trust me you build a new house EVERYONE wants a tour.
I think everyone who has visited has requested, including the postman!

I've never said no but do cringe slightly at the mess sometimes.

Swirlingasong · 03/01/2018 00:14

Wouldn't particularly want that should say!

pigeondujour · 03/01/2018 00:15

My SIL is Irish and has a fairly spectacular new build. There's one living room in her house that no one ever goes in - not her, her husband, their kids or guests. My DP hasn't ever even seen it, whereas as the only person to join the family after it was built, I've been in it for about three seconds as part of...The Tour Grin

TroubledTribble28 · 03/01/2018 00:17

Gosh how rude. Who would have the gall to ask 3 times? :o When we moved into our current home we had a knock on the door by two local Jehovah Witnesses, we got chatting and I mentioned that we'd moved into the house that week so they asked for a tour Confused it's a two bed terraced not an L.A. condo. (I showed them around, they were scary)

DramaAlpaca · 03/01/2018 00:20

Ah OP, I was wondering if you were Irish. There's definitely a bit of a cultural thing going on here.

In Ireland, building your own house is quite usual in rural areas, and it's very normal to offer to give people The Tour when you've just moved in & it's still pristine.

However, it's rude to ask to be shown round, and you certainly don't persist in asking if the home owner doesn't offer. As for snooping around, words fail me. Cheeky mare.

When we built ours I was perfectly happy to show the place off to friends & family, but when I had a neighbour turn up unannounced with her mother in tow insisting that I show her around I made it clear it wasn't going to happen. They'd turned up at an inconvenient time, but also I didn't want nosy neighbours who I didn't know poking around the place.

Original poster
bubblesdrew · 03/01/2018 00:22

It's not a class thing! It's just a big house in terms of rooms and we have a gate at the bottom and I think it is the expectation of what is on the other side of the gate and suddenly imaginations run wild.

OP posts:
Original poster
bubblesdrew · 03/01/2018 00:23

@dramaalpaca Yes maybe us Irish are a rare breed! I have shown to family and close friends but, I certainly have no problem saying no to others!

OP posts:
greenharp · 03/01/2018 00:30

I (perhaps wrongly given this thread) expect to be given a tour when I visit a recently purchased home for the first time. It's exciting for the host to have a new home and I've always just enjoyed sharing their excitement by admiring their hard earned and new achievement with them. I just consider it to be friendly and welcoming. I would be thinking either the homeowner doesn't like their new home or they don't like me (so why invite me round?!?) if I didn't get a tour. Given you built your home I'd assume you had built it so badly in the secret rooms that you were embarrassed to show me. Agree with the others it must be a regional trait.

eldersis · 03/01/2018 00:40

NO! You were friendly and obliging. (more than I would have been to a new acquaintance) firm hand put down solidly! Well done!

overnightangel · 03/01/2018 00:42

“So this is where we have a cuppa, this is our toaster, this is where my son sleeps, this is where my daughter sleeps, this is where I put our dirty laundry.... if you want a tour of someone’s house you must be a bit of a nutter if you ask me.
For those who say it’s nornal.... it really isn’t

Hissy · 03/01/2018 00:44

She is bonkers!

It’s so refreshing to hear someone saying “I just said no and left it there”

Coyoacan · 03/01/2018 00:45

Well the neighbour was out of line, but I don't think it is very clever to be picking fights with your new neighbours. There is nothing worse than fights with the neighbours and sometimes good neighbourly relations can be a life saver.

Callaird · 03/01/2018 00:45

I agree, family and close friends I would show around. Maybe other guests but not in the middle of hosting a get together and definitely not after being told ‘no’ once.

I don’t really get house tours! I like to see kitchens and gardens ( and think what I’d do differently) but beds and toilets are not very interesting.

I agree with ‘no is a complete sentence too.

caoraich · 03/01/2018 00:47

TheLegendOfBeans
Thank God someone else said that, was thinking the same thing!

I was in someone's recently renovated house for NYE just there and the first thing after we'd got our drinks was a wee tour of the new extension etc. I do think it's more likely to be a thing with either newly built/renovated or old and interesting houses though. I probably wouldn't bother to ask for a tour of a house on a cookie cutter estate type place.

However OP since you'd said no she should have respected that. I'm surprised she didn't ask why.

Guavaf1sh · 03/01/2018 00:47

I’m not Scottish and would find the lack of a tour quite odd. It’s sort of expected and something that everyone does. Refusing is a bit weird. Saying that she should not have gone on a solo tour neither

nevereverafter · 03/01/2018 00:53

I'd have loved to see the responses on this thread if it was the OPs MIL had asked for a tour. From what I understand from Mumsnet MILs are NEVER EVER EVER allowed to 'snoop' around and heaven help them if they venture into the master bedroom.

OP, you are completely and utterly reasonable. Its refreshing to hear of someone who is happy to reply to a request with a simple but polite 'no'. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

caoraich · 03/01/2018 00:55

Ooh and Just saw you mentioned you're Irish

We're recently back from an epic driving holiday round Ireland visiting DH's numerous relatives (at least fifty odd of the buggers)

Tours were offered at every destination (including the caravan in one case Grin ) - though maybe that's just the effect that a Travelling Scot has.

Katedotness1963 · 03/01/2018 00:57

I'm Scottish. When we got married 33 years ago, once you got the house done up the way you wanted it was common to ask visitors if they'd like " a wee look round".

Whinesalot · 03/01/2018 01:06

A tour wouldn't be expected in any old house, but a new build or refurb is fair game. I'd want a gander, would be surprised and disappointed at a no, but wouldn't be so rude as to ask again.

Allthewaves · 03/01/2018 01:09

Pretty standard where we are that if you build a new house or have significant renovations done and then invite the neighbours round that you show them around your house.

Pil did with their new neighbours ( 4 fields over) and neighbours did the same when they finished their build

Allthewaves · 03/01/2018 01:11

and pil are from N.Ireland

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