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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I asked my guest to leave my home.

999 replies

bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 22:44

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 19:31

just completely non showey and normal houses

Exactly well that’s the point really isn’t it? Why bother seeing each other’s normal houses.

proper so you are saying you invite friends for dinner and you have no issue with them going upstairs uninvited and not to the loo or bathroom but into your bedroom and your children’s bedrooms, study? Just wandering around?

Sorry wierd. But if you are happy mixing with that sort of crowd that’s your choice.

greendale17 · 03/01/2018 19:31

if you are so precious about your house that it is only for your eyes and your DH's - why in god's name did you invite TOTAL strangers into it on NYE of all times?

^Completely agree with this

ChickenVindaloo2 · 03/01/2018 19:32

I'm not just counting up the thousands of people to whom I have been rude and who have been rude to me, all by requesting tours of one another's homes.

It's the done thing in my (scottish) neck of the woods.

I don't get why people are so weirdly private about stuff on here eg "bedrooms are private". Why? I only sleep and shag in there. I've actually shagged and slept in every room in my house! Does that mean I can never have guests?!

NinonDeLenclos · 03/01/2018 19:32

How many times will you keep missing the point - we all get you like to give tours, give them, enjoy. Try to understand there are people who think that this is odd for themselves and their home who aren't automatically social noobs or privacy obsessed

It's not I, or the others who have been very patient with you, who have missed the point.

We all understand that there are posters who can't cope with people seeing round their houses as they have said so repeatedly for pages and pages. All of your comments, your incomprehension of different social practices and how other people feel about them, unwittingly show a lack of social experience, despite your protestations to the contrary.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 03/01/2018 19:32

*now

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 19:34

Radio no dear not aggrieved just amused. I can imagine the seething when one of the group gets a new jo Mallone candle for the toilet so another has their whole bathroom remodelled. Grin

April229 · 03/01/2018 19:34

What the? How are people saying you are rude for not giv8ng a tour of your house? Why would anyone ask to be shown every room in someone’s house.

My bedroom is full of stuff that no one has any business seeing just because they have dropped round. I don’t expect my whole house to be on display any time someone pops round.

To those questioning this, do you honestly go to someone’s for coffee and ask to be shown round their house? Repeatedly, and force it if you host doesn’t want to?

NinonDeLenclos · 03/01/2018 19:35

I don't get why people are so weirdly private about stuff on here eg "bedrooms are private". Why? I only sleep and shag in there. I've actually shagged and slept in every room in my house! Does that mean I can never have guests?!

Grin
ProperLavs · 03/01/2018 19:36

hatsoff yes, that's right. My friends are trusted by me. I haven't got stuff to hide from them. I would just hope that I didn't have knickers on the bedroom floor.
But I doubt my friends would go wandering round my house now anyway as it's not interesting enough and they don't need to since they saw it when I first moved in- when I gave them a tourWink

ChickenVindaloo2 · 03/01/2018 19:39
Grin
FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 03/01/2018 19:39

I've just come back from staying with a friend I'd not seen for years (have never been to the house she's in now) - one of the first things said was: "do you want a look around then?"

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 19:40

April

Apparently it’s the norm if you hold a dinner party!! Who knew??

ProperLavs · 03/01/2018 19:40

I suspect the OP is currently boarding up her new designer house now she has discovered that it is infact perfectly normal for people to want a tour of a new house. Perhaps she could dig out some of the fields around the house, separating her from the rude neighbours and build a moat with a drawbridge to keep them all out.

Wineasaurous · 03/01/2018 19:41

@ProperLavs sounds ideal! Wish I could

LineysRumBaba · 03/01/2018 19:44

Is it normal to have a safe? I've got one of those as well.

RadioGaGoo · 03/01/2018 19:45

Hatsoffdear. LOL!

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 19:45

April

Apparently it’s the norm if you hold a dinner party!! Who knew??

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 19:50

Faith

Staying with a friend verses a dinner party invite? You can seriously see the difference yes?

ChickenVindaloo2 · 03/01/2018 19:50

OP is probs one of those mothers who didn't allow anyone to meet her precious babies (not even their grandparents) until they were at primary school. Grin
(lighthearted - don't even know if OP has kids!)

MN is WEIRD!!

PaxUniversalis · 03/01/2018 19:52

My parents' had their house designed by an architect in the early 1970s. They were open minded and progressive people, had loads of friends and hosted many drinks and dinner parties through the years. However I can't recall that they ever gave people a tour of their house, or that their guests ever asked to be shown around.

My parents' dinner parties were all about delicious food and good wine enjoyed in the company of friends. The kitchen was separate from the dining/living room so some guests would wander into the kitchen and that was all OK. But no one ever asked to see the bedrooms because they weren't of interest to anyone. And it was not why they had come to my parents' house anyway.

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 19:52

Thanks Radio I had you down as a Jo Malone and proper as a Kath Kidson but equally you could be distressed New England or Ikea? Wink

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 19:55

pax I read the first two lines and though you were going to mention key swapping. But no Abigail’s party. My parents were like yours Grin thankfully none of their friends wandered into our rooms.

Twitchingdog · 03/01/2018 20:00

I an surprise you all think a tour ìs not on the cards . Have you not watch come dine with me . The guests always go on the nose.

buckeejit · 03/01/2018 20:01

Northern Ireland here & love a tour! I also often give unsolicited advice such as 'ooh you could fit a lovely window seat there' etc & have always much enjoyed the same suggestions in return.

This has gone on since my first student house & with all friends in England etc. However upon returning home a few years ago & mentioning to a new mum friend on the first time she was over for a play date if she wanted a tour she said 'oh God no!' As though that would be a complete Liberty which confused me over the whole thing. This thread has me none the wiser.

But obv if you ask & someone says no, no tour you shut up & stay put!

ProperLavs · 03/01/2018 20:01

ooh not CK for me-yuk.

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