I asked my guest to leave my home.

[bubblesdrew]

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

It was rude to ask for a tour on the first place.. And then not taking 'no' for an answer three times decided to be a nosy cow and wander off on her own.

Goldenbrows the person in the op had been invited round to dinner on New year's Eve!!!! If that's not friends, or at least hypothetical new friends, then I don't know what is. I'm not talking about inviting people in off the street!

I don't blame you! We had all this was a pain, me and my husband built our house, it was an achievement I agreee, but his parents use to invite themselves over and bring there friends! I had never met half of them, and show them around! And then they would stay for coffee and biscuits !! One day after a long day I got home to find them just arriving and she got the hump as I didn't want to show her friends around the house, I said your more than welcome to go inside but not upstairs, ooh why! Just a quick looK bla bla, listen mil and friend why do you want to see my knickers? Would you like to take washing home with you? I've never been in your bedroom let alone bring me mates around, I would actually like a shower and dinner and relax in my own home!!!
The tours soon stopped after that!

Your neighbour was very rude to go upstairs! Xx

It's been explained plenty of times on this thread why people like house tours.

Are posters continually asking why, thick, or just deliberately being obtuse?

Um sorry @Lasswithedelicateair but I don't believe wanting a tour of a stranger's house is for any reason other than to be nosy, so that it's a point of conversation for you and other neighbours/your spouse/friends. Giving a tour of your house, fair enough - but strangers expecting and asking repeatedly for a tour are only being nosy busy bodies

You have a very limited imagination and a very poor view of people.

And they were invited guests not strangers.

Nobody has defended the going up stairs on her own. Many of us are puzzled why it is seen to be so extraordinary and "snooping" to be interested in seeing round a new and presumably one off architect designed house. Many of us would be pleased and flattered.

I'd be perfectly happy if a guest wanted to watch me cooking or asked for a recipe! Or indeed have a look at my store cupboard, it's pretty interesting in there! Aso for going through the bins, I don't think they yet do that on masterchef...

Really missing the point again, noone is talking about friends and family!

Not necessarily - old friends of my French DH visited after Christmas. I've met the wife a few times, never the DH or their 4 children. The DH, whom I have never met, asked specifically to see the new kitchen - to which the response was 'of course'. I'm delighted if they want to see it.

I don't know him from Adam. But he's welcome in my house.

The OP was actually hoping to make friends with these neighbours, that was the point of asking them round.

Sorry but being in the process of making friends doesn't entitle you to special privileges. If we're already friends I will probably show you around if you're so desperate to see, but if we're just getting to know each other there's no way you're being offered a guided tour, especially when it's all you seem interested in

Goldenbrows the person in the op had been invited round to dinner on New year's Eve!!!!

Exactly.

@NinonDeLenclos
If you're interested in people, you're interested in where they live, how they've done their house.

I'm interested in architecture and houses too. But if you were to visit someone at home and they have lived there for years and as a result have built up a certain amount of stuff/clutter, and if this is clear the moment you walked in (stuff everywhere), would you still be interested in a tour?

My house is full of stuff - not random junk - but things I've collected and kept for years, family heirlooms that have sentimental value to me but to no one else - I can imagine that this would be off putting to people who are used to being tidy/minimalist.

One couple we know hardly have any 'things' in their house, it's just furniture, with the odd ornament and photo frame and maybe a vase with fresh flowers or a potted plant but nothing else. A bit like a show home. They'd feel claustrophobic in my house I'm sure.

Anyone that comes to my house gets to see all of the downstairs (2 reception rooms, kitchen/diner), plus the bathroom upstairs if they need the loo. Bedroom doors are closed, and I'd find it odd for anyone to ask to look in them as they're private spaces. People have been in them if there's been a need (e.g. We had a party and everyone was instructed to put coats in our room), but beyond that, I wouldn't offer to show yh to anyone. But then, I'm guessing that a Victorian end terrace is pretty boring to look round so I just wouldn't think to offer.

Sorry but being in the process of making friends doesn't entitle you to special privileges

This is all so completely lacking in social awareness it's funny.

'Special privileges' lulz.

Obtuse, thick, what is that about people in glass houses? Could I have a tour of your glass house, I heard it was architect designed. Sorry, but being invited to dinner on NYE!!!! doesn't make you an instant special friend who gets special privileges to see my bedroom, which if you read the OP, is all she wanted to see. You should leave the architectural interest at home if it's going to get in the way of you being a polite houseguest of someone kind enough to invite you to dinner in order to get to know you!

But if you were to visit someone at home and they have lived there for years and as a result have built up a certain amount of stuff/clutter, and if this is clear the moment you walked in (stuff everywhere), would you still be interested in a tour?

what has that got to do with the question here? OP has a new built house.

But if you were to visit someone at home and they have lived there for years and as a result have built up a certain amount of stuff/clutter, and if this is clear the moment you walked in (stuff everywhere), would you still be interested in a tour?

Of course. If I'm interested in you I'm interested in your house. I don't care about clutter or dust. Most houses have that. If there are bits don't want to show me that's fine. I'm not going to nip upstairs to have a quick peek like the woman in the OP. (I slightly admire her gall tho lol)

I truly feel sorry for your social circle NinonDeLenclos if you don't view seeing my bedroom without permission a privilege you'd only let your gran get away with!

Unless your house is Blenheim Palace, OP, I think people asking for a tour is totally weird. Inappropriate. And then for the woman to show herself around and nose through your closet. Appalling behavior.

Bottom line, I think there are a lot of introverted, socially anxious, awkward, unconfident people on MN who find socialising very, very difficult. With that goes a preoccupation with privacy (and judgement) that I haven't encountered in r/l.

I recall one thread by a woman who simply couldn't cope with having anyone in her house at all. That's not uncommon.

Some people can't have cleaners (financial feasibility aside) because they can't cope with another person in their space.

In that context, the horror and blank incomprehension of posters that some people are happy and relaxed enough to invite people into their homes, and let them look around if they want to is understandable - if, by my reckoning, slightly odd.

OP you haven't explained why someone who lives so close actually drove to yours.

Really, what would it have taken to soften the "no" just a little? Your response to her totally reasonable (and in many circumstances polite) request amounts to what sociolinguists call semiotic schism.

It just sounds unecessarily rude. That's all. Baffling.

PS I'm not condoning the subsequent snooping.

I slightly admire her gall tho lol
This is so lacking in social awareness it's pretty funny
If I'm interested in you I'm interested in your house
That's cool and all but it would be nice if you didn't expect to see it without getting to know the person a bit first

I truly feel sorry for your social circle NinonDeLenclos if you don't view seeing my bedroom without permission a privilege you'd only let your gran get away with!

You're not someone I'd be likely to socialise with. But that aside, I wouldn't look at your bedroom without permission anyway - I'm not particularly interested tbh.

I don't regard people who see my bedroom as 'privileged'. It's hardly a throne room.

I can think of at least 3 sets of local friends who invited us to their homes for drinks or a bite to eat for the first time over the years, and the only rooms we were shown were on ground floor level (kitchen, dining room, living room or open plan, and the loo which was either downstairs or on the 1st floor.
These houses are all old. Some were freshly decorated, other weren't.
We didn't ask for a tour (we always wait until we are offered) and we weren't given a tour either. We did not think this this was weird at all and we didn't feel like we missed out because the downstairs was lovely. We had no desire to see their bedrooms.

This is so lacking in social awareness it's pretty funny

Whoosh right over your head.

It was a joke. Y'know, like the Tamworth two who escaped from the abattoir.

I'm Scottish - having a quick tour is pretty standard in my experience.

Also getting tours via Skype or a series of photos if not living nearby

In that context, the horror and blank incomprehension of posters that some people are happy and relaxed enough to invite people into their homes, and let them look around if they want to is understandable - if, by my reckoning, slightly odd.

Missing the point entirely. Nobody is saying you can't or shouldn't show people around but it is truly bizarre that some posters expect to be shown around and will think you're rude, uptight, socially anxious (lol why would you kindly invite guests over to get to know them if you're so introverted). The point is you shouldn't expect anything from your host other than dinner and talk - if they offer you a tour, bonus! But don't expect it and don't insult people who think a bloody tour is a bit of a bonkers request from someone you have just met.