I asked my guest to leave my home.

[bubblesdrew]

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

The thread is fascinating. I as one of the "tours are normal" camp am willing to accept it might not be in some places.

I am puzzled by comments like this
and not for busy bodies who don't have a life to come around and talk about behind your back anyway! Sounds like it's all just so people have something to b*tch about - "ooh did you see they chose a yellow wallpaper in the child's room?" Bonkers

As treaclesoda said why would assume that the only reason someone is interested in your house is because they want to slag it off. It is not as if reasons haven't been given. Why assume the worst as the default position?

However I'm not seeing much acknowledgement that other people might be different from the other camp without it followed by insults.

Fucking rude to ask for a tour of someone's house. I've stayed at a mate's home three times and I still haven't seen all of it. Would never dream of asking to see her bedroom and bathroom. None of my business

That's your culture. In mine it would be exceptionally rude inviting someone to your new house and not offering a tour. Are you saying your culture is better or more polite than mine?

That's your culture. In mine it would be exceptionally rude inviting someone to your new house and not offering a tour.

And if your guest declined your offer?

I don't understand the question. If my guest declined the offer of the tour then nothing. What, do you think we might bodily pick them up and force them to admire the curtains in the guest bedroom?

'That's your culture. In mine it would be exceptionally rude inviting someone to your new house and not offering a tour. Are you saying your culture is better or more polite than mine?'

Eh? I have no idea what your culture is, nor do I give a flying fuck and if I were addressing you personally, I'd have used your name. Wind your neck in and stop trying to derail yet another thread with your personal gripes, because I'm not engaging in your petty tries at it.

It was a simple question, who pissed on your cornflakes?

People goung on about "she didnt want to see in closets or wardrobes" seem to be deliberately missing the fact that she had to go through a dressing room/closet to get to ops bedroom which were none of her business.
She also gave a child a fright seeing some random woman walk into the bedroom.

Nobody has the right to demand to see through your house! Nobody has the right when told no just to go and nose about by yourself.
What if ops neice hadnt been in the bedroom would the woman have had a good nosey in ops wardrobe/closet, drawers? She had the brass neck to go against ops wishes she could have done that too.
What if op had medication in her own bathroom or on bedside table that she didn't want the world to know about? I am sure this woman would be capable of checking to see what the meds were .
Privacy is privacy no matter what your reasons and should be respected.
If you live somewhere 'tours' are normal and expected then thats fine for you. The rest of the world does not have to copy you just because you think they are wrong not to .

That's your culture. In mine it would be exceptionally rude inviting someone to your new house and not offering a tour.

What culture is that? To me, it feels exceptionally rude feeling entitled to have a good look around someone else's house just because it's new to them.

Curry

I am just trying to get my head around the dynamics and protocols of a ‘tour the house’ culture. It would seem to some you would be seen as a bad host to not offer a tour to a guest, I was wondering if there was a social expectation for said guest to take up any offer of a tour and would offence be caused if they declined.

Unless someone had something truly remarkable about their home I would just find it utterly tedious to feign interest in where someone sleeps or shits. When you show somebody around your home are you honestly thinking they are actually finding it interesting or do you know they just going through the motions and making positive noises so not to cause offence?

Get back in your box, Curry. No idea what your culture is, can't be arsed to find out, don't give a shit about your latest attempt to start an argument on yet another thread. Go start your own thread about how slighted you feel in life. You are on my ignore list now. Goodbye.

Its not hard. you have new house, you offer your invited guests to look around it, should they like to. So either you do a quick tour or you just carry on with your visit/party whatever.
Nobody has to have a look, there is no need to. Perhaps we are just more interested in our friends and family and by extention their new homes?

Ooh, I'm on an ignore list, how exciting!

Could you keep your issues to yourself and not attack others for asking simple and relevant questions? Thanks.

Um sorry @Lasswithedelicateair but I don't believe wanting a tour of a stranger's house is for any reason other than to be nosy, so that it's a point of conversation for you and other neighbours/your spouse/friends. Giving a tour of your house, fair enough - but strangers expecting and asking repeatedly for a tour are only being nosy busy bodies.

To be fair to curry here a ton of us have posted that it's our norm that if a friend moves to a new house and you are asked to visit, you have a tour.

It would be perceived as very rude to say to your friend in their new home "I don't give a fuck where you sleep or shit" and for many of us wouldn't be seen a overly friendly behaviour really.

The thread is fascinating. I as one of the "tours are normal" camp am willing to accept it might not be in some places

Lol, that's not how AIBU is meant to work, You are not meant to accept that not everyone agrees that what you think is the only possible way.

This thread clearly shows that is neither normal or abnormal to like tours to dislike tours. 🤷🏻‍♀️ There are clearly plenty of posters on either side.

Personally I don't want or offer tours unless I've just renovated a bathroom or something and even then I would wouldn't offer unless it was a close friend. However, I don't think people that do offer tours are weirdos either 😎

The only thing everyone on this thread agrees is that the visiting woman was incredible rude to ask three times.....

Sorry for typos

I don't think it's really about showing your friend around , it's more people's disbelief that people you've known for five minutes expect a tour of your house and consider it rude or uptight that you're not immediately swinging all your doors open to all the neighbours and their dogs the second you build/move into a house

I think it's the dichotomy of asking strangers over for dinner which IS intimate, private , personal...and then denying them to see the house you invited them into

Exactly.
I am wondering if the OP had to man-handle his invited guests out of the house. Can you imagine the door step scene? These were new neighbours, it's a first time meeting and they are thrown out after being invited to sit down to a meal with their hosts!
I am thinking this is an extension of Mike Leigh's Abigail's Party. People being thrown out rarely happens. Bouncers evict people from nightclubs. Hosts don't issue people with orders to leave, usually. I wonder if there was an embarrassed silence indoors afterwards? Oh this is definitely the makings of a sit-com or play.

I can’t get my head round just saying No with no explanation or qualifier. How does that even work? Isn’t it hideously awkward? Isn’t there an uncomfortable silence immediately after??

it's more people's disbelief that people you've known for five minutes expect a tour of your house and consider it rude or uptight that you're not immediately swinging all your doors open to all the neighbours and their dogs the second you build/move into a house

but these are people you have invited to your home for dinner on NYE! You have implied a level of friendship and intimacy, and then been rude to them.
You're talking as if the woman just banged on the door and said "show me your house or else"!

I find it hard to believe they were actually asked to leave anyway.

I think it's weird to invite someone to your new house who hadn't been before and not give them a tour. However, it's also not on to ignore your refusal. Why invite someone in if you weren't going to give them a tour, it's all a bit strange and I would have expected a tour too.

This is why I don't invite folk round, maybe you shouldn't in future either.

So if you have teenage children or elderly parents living with you would it be acceptable to show even close friends their private bed rooms and bathrooms or just yours?

Which culture is it that invites strangers to go all over their house? Why do you want to show them your house? Why would they be interested? Do you do it for validation? For people to admire your bathroom? Wardrobe?

No one of the tours tribe has actually said why they do it unless you have s wonderful castle or live in a windmill?

I would invite new neighbours/friends in for coffee, and would probably invite them to come along to a party or dinner I was already having with other guests.
I wouldn't really consider that 'intimate' and would not have imagined anyone would expect that kind of invite to include seeing my bedroom tbh.

If I invited someone round and they asked to see upstairs/my bedroom I'd be pretty taken aback and probably would just say 'no, sorry' without thinking of an excuse.

people have already explained why hatsoff me included. Go back and read the thread. If it doesn't answer your question I'll try and explain it using different words.