I asked my guest to leave my home.

[bubblesdrew]

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

Basically the relationship now will be one of passive aggressive politeness barely masking deep dislike.

Oh I'd go for studious ignoring now.

Be prepared for your meth lab to become the talk of the steamy.

You also don't have to offer an explanation as to why you don't want someone to see inside you wardrobe

The guest wasn't asking to search through drawers or look in wardrobes though. She wanted a brief tour to see the layout/rooms, not to poke into personal things. The OP could have offered her a return visit when it was more convenient rather than just say "No" - very bluntly. The frostiness of the host's response is what gets me, then turfing out a new neighbour. How over the top is that? I imagine you will be the laughing stock of the community and they will be wondering what is is you have to hide. Badly handled imo.

So bloody glad I don’t mix in circles that expect a tour

Same here, while clearly it is an accepted practice to some on here I really can’t see the attraction of having a poke around someone else’s home unless they live in some refurbished grade I listed castle or something.

“Oh I see you have an ikea wardrobe in the spare room, we have one of those”

“Is this paint colour ‘sail white’ or ‘chalk white’?”

“I see you use andrex double quilted aloe vera toilet paper, what’s that like on your arse?”

The only time I would give a tour is:
1- To family and friends if we had just moved house.
2- To close family and friends if we had redecorated a room. This would be a very close female usually like DM or BF.
I'm always finding MIL halfway up the stairs going to the loo and she always acts like she is getting forgetful when I remind her that there is a downstairs loo! I don't know what she thinks she's going to see up there but I'm always extra tidy up there just in case!

A tour is completely normal with me and my friends. I don't understand why it is a problem.
She should have respected your wishes but she probably found your attitude very odd, as do I.

“I see you use andrex double quilted aloe vera toilet paper, what’s that like on your arse?”

@flossie4 I can't expect her intentions to be very good if she had to take to sneaking around the house.
Also, before you assume. I wrote that the 'No' was in no way rude.
The first time I was taking food out of the oven. We were in a group chatting about something to do with the house and mess and she asked if I would do a tour and I laughed and said no. In no way blunt or rude.

Proper she wasn't a friend.

Pan it doesn't work like that. It works normally like this.

Ooh I've jist moved into my new house, want to come for dinner
Yes, I'd love to thanks
Oh your house is gorgeous, give us a wee tour then
Cmon then
Ah your house is beautiful, the rooms are so big, I love the decor. I'm so jealous. Fab choice I can see why you bought it.
Cheers mate

And that's it.

My friend is a Londoner born and bred, she's in the process of buying a new house, she's shown me it on right move. When she moves in she will automatically show me round when I go to stay, or I will say cmon then show us round and do lots of oohing and aahing and tell her it's Friggen gorgeous. It's just polite.

pan

Exactly how tedious

I agree with Greenharp and Bluntness.

I would have been curious about how the house was laid out, especially as I've never seen a house where you walk through a closet (to me, a closet is a small built in cupboard) to get to the bedroom.

I love the sound of Pax's house, and would love a tour, mess everywhere would be ignored as I would completely understand why. But I would be fascinated to see peeling 70s wallpaper and all the nooks and crannies, and any interesting bits picked up at flea markets etc.
It reminds me of an old friend's house. Her house was C16/17. It had a glorious huge galleried landing, the floor was so uneven, it felt like walking on a boat. There was also a curious "hidden" room, that was entered via a 3 foot square alcove, halfway up the wall! It was off her DD's bedroom, and DD used it as a playroom.

And my uncle had a Georgian farmhouse that was lovely. When he was doing up the kitchen, he discovered a door that had been wallpapered over. Behind the door was a little staircase, leading up to what had been the servant's room.

So, in summary, the blunt "No" was rude, the neighbour was rude to go wandering after being told no, neighbourly relations are now fucked, and people wanting to have a tour, are not (on the whole, though there will be some exceptions) wanting to judge, or snoop through your personal belongings, but are actually interested in how the rooms are laid out, possibly want to get ideas for decor or furniture placement, and are genuinely interested.
That's why programmes like Location x3, Escape to the Country, and Grand Designs are so popular.

Th guest hadn't even met the OP. I think it was a bit weird of you to invite this couple to dinner on NYE. A party maybe but a dinner is quite intimate to have perfect strangers over. The neighbour was very forward.

proper but why? Do you all live in fantastic castles or dream homes? If not what’s the attraction? Why would you all want to see each other’s bathrooms or bedrooms? Why?

Upstairs in my house is private. When we have people over I actually close all the bedroom doors in case someone uses the bathroom up there instead of the downstairs loo. I'm just a private person.

I love grand designes and escape to the country but it doesn’t make me want to see next doors bog.

Just like strictly doesn’t make me want to put on a gypsy wedding frock and do the tango.

Hatsoffdear
I can’t see how anyone thinks asking to tour someone’s house isn’t bloody rude. Just don’t get it

Well perhaps you could try reading the thread and the comments by the many posters who have explained it.

Some of us have class

It’s clear OP that neither you or your neighbour have any class at all. Or manners either. The whole thread has been highly entertaining.

I particularly liked the contretemps in the shop.

I don't know, it's just curiosity, no none of us live in amazing places.
When friends show you what their homes look like they are demonstrating that they want you to be included ( or showing off)
Refusing a tour is very rude. You can't be friends with someone and reuse a tour. You don't have to offer one, but I think you should give one if asked.
I don't understand why anyone would refuse, genuinely, what's to hide? By refusing you are holding people at a distance.

I don't give a toss if my house is its normal 'lived in' state when people have a nose. I have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of.
I find it most peculiar.

I think it's the dichotomy of asking strangers over for dinner which IS intimate, private , personal...and then denying them to see the house you invited them into....

It's odd. Either you like them enough to have them eat in your home and show them your home...or you don't.
If someone is a guest in my home they are a guest. End of. Relax, have a wander. As to the poster who locks the doors - jesus wept - what kind of friends do you have?????

for example, I live in an ex council house, nothing special about it at all. It is in a block of 8, arranged in pairs.
2 of the neighbours I am friendly with, but not friends with both voluntarily invited me in to see their houses, ostensively identical but altered over the years. I was curious to see how they had been altered.

@Motoko
But I would be fascinated to see peeling 70s wallpaper

I should show you our stairwell then. There is a layer of old, cream-coloured coarse wood chip wallpaper (1970s I think) on the stairwell walls. We decided to change the light switches in the stairwell and when they changed the switches it turned out there is another layer of pink wall paper behind the wood chip paper. The second layer is pink and sort of floral. Probably 1950s.
I'm curious what else we'll find when have work done upstairs.

I dropped my then 12yr old DD off at her friend's house. I didn't know the mum other than in the playground. She invited me in while I dropped off DD's bags then said ," I'll give you a tour. " They lived in a nice Georgian, 3 storey. townhouse. It was very nice but I felt awkward. I had never said more than hello to her and here i was in her bedroom, her son's bedroom. Very weird and showy. I avoided her after that.

wombling thanks that's exactly how I see it.