I asked my guest to leave my home.

[bubblesdrew]

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

YANBU. I hate it when people don't take "no" for an answer.
I don't imagine anyone will say "YABU", but . This is mumsnet so anything could happen.

"Why did you refuse"

She doesn't have to give or even have a reason.
I wouldn't want someone meraudering through my home.
Mind you your house sounds fab, op.
I wouldn't mind a tour myself.
Perhaps you could sell tickets.

Your poor niece must have had kittens when she saw some random women mooching around.

The tour thing really gets on my nerves.

Dh likes showing off the house so he is always happy to oblige requests but I just feel it puts pressure on me to tidy the whole house rather than just the downstairs.

He might not care about people seeing an unmade bed or bra on the floor, but I do.

People who ask for tours are rude, tour should be offered.

ugghhhh how uncouth to ask or to expect a tour of someone elses house, particularly the upstairs. Makes me shudder and cringe at the thought of even thinking about asking....

@emmasmum2013 Wow, I was uploading a picture of a piece of glass.

Your flat no replies clearly came across extremely rude to your neighbour. That should be accepted as a fact given she asked three times even though OP was seemingly oblivious to causing any offence. However I struggle to imagine how a flat 'no' with no explanation would not cause an atmosphere for everyone in the room. This neighbour was probably thinking about how she once lived next to a field and its was turned into a noisy/dirty construction site for xx months/years then a building ruined her nature view but still she didn't cause problems/object to planning/raise complaints. She was extremely wrong to go wandering but I think OP already killed any friendship dead by the blunt rudeness if we see through neighbours eyes.

Perhaps to restore peace you should say to her that you didn't realise that giving tours of new house was the done thing for some people because your family/circle friends have never done it. Say that you are sorry that if refusing tour came over rude. Say it's not a custom that you do but you be willing to give tour of ground floor or if not that meet for coffee outside homes (as token of peace). Just be honest and say you are very private person hence no upstairs tour. That's what I'd do anyway if I was anti-tour.

I'd consider it rude and pushy to demand a tour - maybe the first time was ok but insisting was rude and helping herself to a tour and barging round the house later was completely out of line.Not in NI but am Scottish and I've never offered a tour of the house.

ugghhhh how uncouth to ask or to expect a tour of someone elses house, particularly the upstairs. Makes me shudder and cringe at the thought of even thinking about asking....

I think what is “uncouth” is coming onto a throad where a good number of people have stated that tour giving is the accepted thing in their area/culture and calling them calling them “uncouth”.

The op should apologise for not showing a neighbour all over her house?

Fuck that. Nosey cow.

greenharp
Your flat no replies clearly came across extremely rude to your neighbour.

It obviously wasn't rude enough if the guest ended up asking THREE times. The OP stated she didn't lie and make up an excuse and that she simply said no but that doesn't mean she said it rudely. C'mon do you honestly think that if the OP had been blunt and rude the guest would have asked again. That doesn't sound the least bit plausible.

She could have said something like 'Oh, sorry Id rather not just now' or something equally polite. I think some people are letting their imaginations run riot and are assuming the OP glared at the woman and coldly told her 'No'.

Still let's not get facts get in the way of a good froth.

Well to be fair the op says repeatedly she said "no" only with no further explanation

I can’t see how anyone thinks asking to tour someone’s house isn’t bloody rude. Just don’t get it.

OP, I understood your post as you wrote it, thanks for the elaboration though. That poor girl!

I agree that the neighbour was deliberately making a point of making a snarky comment to you about the mirrors. Stupid RUDE woman.

What time did you turf her out?

You are missing the point. The neighbour won't have considered that she was 'asking for' a tour. She will have been expecting one (and looking forward to it) and so likely prompting it to be brought forward in timeline of the evenings schedule. Looking forward to discuss the architecture/layout of the house she watched be built day by day. I would 100% expect to be given a tour of a new build as she did. It wouldn't have occurred that one wouldn't be given of new build. You need to realise that so see where neighbour was coming from. Therefore to be denied a tour and in such a blunt way would have been shockingly rude. She probably asked a couple more times because she felt fired up by the bluntness of the no and insulted. Rude to push for a tour yes but she was made to look rude for asking for a tour by the homeowner's rude blunt no. If I was another guest I would have considered both homeowner and neighbour rude. So it became tit for tat. Hence the mirror comment just another rude comment.

Can I have a Tour?

No.

That's it... From that very point onwards whether you are expecting a tour or not, it's utterly rude to ask again, let alone go on a mooch anyway!

I can’t see how anyone thinks asking to tour someone’s house isn’t bloody rude. Just don’t get it

I would not be in a stranger’s house on NYE. So that particular scenario is out.

Let’s say I was in a friend or family member’s new home. I can easily imagine, time drawing on, saying brightly to them ”so when am I getting the tour?”

Because getting house tours is part of my life experience.

Equally, if a guest was over at MY new home, and I hadn’t yet shown them around (unlikely as it tends to be more or less the first thing I’d do), I would fully expect them to remind me. I’d probably apologise for my lack of manners in forgetting.

green

Why would she expect a tour? And even if that’s reasonable asking for one isn’t.

Can I have a Tour?

No.

That's it... From that very point onwards whether you are expecting a tour or not, it's utterly rude to ask again, let alone go on a mooch anyway!

Yes, I agree with that.

I would have made a mental note that the OP and I were, at the least, not compatible and instantly dropped the subject.

To be fair if I'd witnessed the initial exchange and saw the guest asking for a tour of the new house and getting a blunt no back I'd have thought the op extremely rude and be curious why she didn't soften it with an explanation.

If I saw the woman ask a second time I'd then think the woman was either surprised or a little offended and was stupidly pushing it and trying to cause some tit for tat offence back.

The whole interaction between the two women would strike me as weird and I'd think there was more too it.

When she asked a third time I'd think the woman just plain rude also and trying to cause an argument.

The wandering off and looking yourself is simply appalling behavuour though. I'm not sure I'd have chucked them out thinking about it, but I wouldn't have invited them back and I do understand why someone would chuck them out.

I do wonder if the op just didn't like the woman and the feeling was mutual. After all it was the husband she extended the invite to and the husband she clearly likes. I wonder if she'd have been so blunt if he asked...

Why would she expect a tour? And even if that’s reasonable asking for one isn’t.

Because to some people being offered a house tour is as common as being offered a cup of tea.

So if the host hasn’t yet offered a tour/tea, the assumption could be that she has simply forgotten.

If you were my very close friend, I may ask. Coming to dinner for the first time, not knowing you? Never - because it would feel like a crossing of boundaries.

When my kids have a play date and I'm there chatting with parent, and there's a problem with the kids upstairs, I almost never go up. I feel like I'm invading their space. I also wonder if they think I'm weird for not going up, because I find some do when at mine (and it doesn't bother me), but equally some don't.

Greenhap

I find your interpretation really bizarre. 😂 I don't know why you think you can be so confident of your version of events. Your imagination is running away from you.

This thread has actually stirred a memory of coming home from work to my new flat one day.

Only to find my mother and godmother -both univited - sitting on the sofa drinking tea.

Unbeknownst to me, my mother, who had a set of keys, had invited my godmother round to my flat so she could give her a “wee tour”.

Oh Butchy that reminds me of a thread here where the mil had invited her friends to tea and tour her son/dils house while they were out. Dil cane home to find them all in her bedroom.

I said no (not in a rude way)

it was just a no without an explanation. that doesn't make it blunt, or rude, it's just a no.

So bloody glad I don’t mix in circles that expect a tour. Fancy cleaning the whole bloody house before a visit.

Bleach down the downstairs loo and s fresh towel sometimes defeats me amidst cooking.