I asked my guest to leave my home.

[bubblesdrew]

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

@emmasmum2013 www.google.co.uk/search?q=smoked+mirrors+walk+in+closet&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjc2LqU27vYAhULblAKHQVQCCsQ_AUICigB&biw=1920&bih=949#imgrc=OfPkaIR-J1d_sM: tried to upload a photo of my own but, it won't let me on this chat!

@Pax

Sounds heavenly. 💕

Do you have a rose ceiling and cornices and/or wooden beams?

YY to twofishfingers on all points.

The village will be laughing at this story well into the new year.

As an ex Army Family, I can confirm that house tours are always the norm.
In fact, it would be me offering the tour if you came round .

As soon as your friends moved quarter, when you visited their new quarter, you’d all be excited to see the new lay out, what furniture fitted where etc.

The neighbour sounds a bit odd but you sound a bit unreasonable for not showing her round ...or at least offering up an excuse as to why not.

If my niece had been upstairs/didn’t want to do a tour round on the night, I’d have said “pop round for a cuppa next week and I will show you then in the daytime.”

Well I'm a Londoner and I like seeing friends and families houses when they move, and find that people usually like to show off their new house. But I wouldn't ask for a tour of a neighbours or acquaintance's house, I would think that's a bit personal.

We're moving soon to a very unique house which is well known in the area and I think I'm going to have to organise an official tour as so many people have said that they would love to "pop in" and I'll admit that I'm looking forward to showing it off. But certainly only on my terms.

posted too soon - YANBU OP. I don't think it's unreasonable to be curious about a new build, I would certainly not say no if offered a tour, but your guest was incredibly rude to continue asking and then, when told no 3 times, take it upon herself to tour your home.

After all this, were you seriously going to upload a photo of your own wardrobe for strangers on the Internet?

@ButchyRestingFace
Do you have a rose ceiling and cornices and/or wooden beams?

Big, chunky, dark oak wooden beams. Beams everywhere, in the ceilings and in the walls. It's 17th century.

I was respinding to the numeroys posts calling the op rude, weird etc.
She invited the neighbours to get to know them not to show off her house whats so strange about that?
Then there are all the other posts yelling op she had to explain to the woman why she didnt want to shpw her around. What is there to explain? "No i dont want to give you a tour" is good enough. All this expectation that op should be delighted to leave her family and show someone she is just getting to know round her bedroom and dtesing room etc. Thats weird
If it was her best friend it might be diffetent but it wasnt.

She invited the neighbours for a nye get together, thats a nice thing to do why are people criticising her for that but insisting she lets them wander through her personal spaces is a much better thing to do?

Apparently getting to know the neighbours is fine as long as you let them do whatever they like in your own home without boundaries. Sticking to dinner drinks and conversation is just weird!

I’m Scottish and would never ask for a tour, nor would I offer one except to immediate family. The whole thread makes me think of Pride and Prejudice where they rock up to Mr Darcy’s stately home and get The Tour, only for him to turn up unexpectedly.
For those of us without a Mr Darcy on the horizon the whole idea is utterly baffling.

If my husband had said no twice it wouldn't have been questioned but, when a woman says no we are expected to elaborate and save face.

I'm an ardent and active feminist and this is bollocks in this context. It would just have been better manners in a social context to say quite firmly "not tonight whilst I'm hosting supper" or something.

Ok OP, now I need to see a pic of your master bedroom. I am not your neighbour, I promise.

(sorry I couldn't help myself)

It's 17th century.

So jealous. . All that history and you get to live in it!

In Ireland, all house plans for planning are online. I can virtually tour any house in the country that I like and frequently do it's brilliant. You go out for a drive, see a house that looks interesting and go on the council's planning map.

I saw a new build progressing on my commute and I think it's gorgeous, so naturally I went online and I've printed off their floor plan to see more, and when we build, some of their ideas are going to be incorporated into our plans. Which people can view online if they are so inclined.

So there was no need to go upstairs unless it's to see decor or to snoop your stuff. House tours that I've ever been on have been offered. And I've been to plenty of housewarming or visited people in their new homes and not been offered a tour nor expected one.

Let her off. In fact you should fuck with her head some more and let someone strategically drop some pretend gossip about something in a room that she didn't go into. Say that Dermot Bannon won an award for your spare room or master bathroom.

@HuskyMcClusky
So jealous. envy. All that history and you get to live in it!

Thanks, it is a great house and I love it.
Homes that age come at a price though. It's usually more pricey to have any work done because this property is listed and the work has to be done in a certain way.
Also because the house is higgledy piggledy and nothing is straight or level, a lot of things such as built in storage or cabinets have to be custom made to fit the shape of the rooms, so it's more expensive.
And old houses are more dusty than new houses because of all the old beams, nooks and crannies and old dust is sitting under the floorboards (some of the boards have small gaps between them so dust falls in between boards and has been sitting there for years and years). Less good for people with allergies.

But all in all it is great living in an old house.

What, you just said 'no'. No reason or anything?

You would have made me feel VERY uncomforttable. You gave mixed messages to her. You invite people you don't know for dinner on New Years Eve. Then you are immediately crashingly rude by refusing in a very graceless way.

It is your perogative to not give a tour, but you could have been nicer about it.

My New Years Eve was ruined by a friend of 30 years behaving badly. You invited someone you don't even know to your do. They could have done anything, you got off lightly!

I'm really into mobile phones. I want to have a 'tour' of your phone. Please show me your message inbox, contact list and photographs. It's rude to say no because I've asked politely.

I love looking in handbags. Will you give me a 'tour' of your bag? Please show me inside all the inside pockets and the contents. It's rude to say no because I've asked politely.

Both examples above would be wildly out of the question for most people. You keep personal things in your bag and in your phone. I also keep personal things in my home. If I was lending someone my bag, I would make that decision. I would remove items I didn't want them to see. If I invite you into my house, you can see the area I have prepared for you aka dining room, living room and toilet. Some people are really bold and would have no problem letting someone go through their bag or their phone, I imagine they would also have no problem with someone wandering around their house too.

Different strokes for different folks.

Also, can you all chill about the 'no' thing? I highly doubt that the OP will type out verbatim of the conversations relating to the request. I certainly couldn't be bothered. Whether she just said 'no', or 'I'm sorry I'm not doing yours this evening' or whatever else is irrelevant. The guest made a request. It was declined. Three times. Guest does not them get to decide to do it anyways.

@Wineasaurous
This is totally different - the neighbour wasn't asking to nosey through the underwear drawer or look at personal correspondence in the office.

I get the if you have personal items on display that you don't want guests to see then fair enough.. but OP hasn't said that has she?

ALSO, OP just tried to post a picture of the closet to the internet, so doesn't seem like privacy is an issue here.

Pax, sounds amazing! Where do we sign up for the mn tour?

Arf at a tour of the house being like looking through a handbag or phone. How many times do we have to say we are interested in the house on a house tour, not rifling through the underwear drawer. Yes I guess you'd probably want to put away the sex toys on the floor of the bedroom and suchlike, but I'd do that anyway before hosting a dinner gathering, whether or not I was expecting to give the guests a tour

I get the if you have personal items on display that you don't want guests to see then fair enough.. but OP hasn't said that has she?

She also hasn't said that she didnt have personal items on display. She could have an S&M room, a dildo cabinet, pornographic pictures on the walls, her hubby could be a brony and have weird costumes on display... we don't need to know this nor does the OP need to share this if she chooses not to. You also don't have to offer an explanation as to why you don't want someone to see inside you wardrobe.

ALSO, OP just tried to post a picture of the closet to the internet, so doesn't seem like privacy is an issue here

Of course she did.

As witnessed by this thread, giving a tour of your new home to invited guests is the cultural norm in many circles, it's not the norm anywhere to give a tour of your handbag or phone, what a bizzare comparison.🤣

Op, weirdly enough before your update when you mentioned initially she commented on the mirrors I was thinking she was having a dig.and clearly she was based on your update.

Basically the relationship now will be one of passive aggressive politeness barely masking deep dislike.

ALSO, OP just tried to post a picture of the closet to the internet, so doesn't seem like privacy is an issue here.

Which is her choice. Just like her body, she can share whatever elements of her house with whomever she chooses.