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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I asked my guest to leave my home.

999 replies

bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 22:44

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:

mumpoints · 03/01/2018 11:23

Your guest is weird and has no boundaries!

Original poster

bubblesdrew · 03/01/2018 11:24

@greendale17 I invited them because I wanted to make new friends and start a lovely community.

I wanted to invite them to enjoy my family, dinner and wine. I don't think I need to give an explanation. I said no. If my husband had said no twice it wouldn't have been questioned but, when a woman says no we are expected to elaborate and save face. It wasn't a house tour it was very obviously a dinner and they were invited as 'dinner guests'.

OP posts:

ButchyRestingFace · 03/01/2018 11:24

She commented on the smoked mirrors I have installed in the closet which rubbed me the wrong way a little.

As if she had won in being able to see part of the master bedroom.

I think I like her style. 👍

Sorry, OP. 😳

greendale17 · 03/01/2018 11:24

I think it's fairly normal to be shown around a new house or after renovation but you don't have to. I would expect people to be interested though.

^Completely normal where I live

Original poster

bubblesdrew · 03/01/2018 11:25

@butchyrestingface She said she got lost I was like but, remained graceful and my husband sorted out the departure!

OP posts:

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 11:26

Mumsnet divide! Nosey Parker’s and show offs verses those with boundaries and couldn’t give a crap about anyone else’s bog.

PaxUniversalis · 03/01/2018 11:29

@frogsoup
Upper middle class more likely to have grand designs-like asipirations to architectural house renovations, and more likely to see tours as the done thing, as opposed to a gross invasion of privacy.

I don't think this is true as a generalisation. I happen to know a few people that could be classed as white British 'upper middle class' in the 80 years+ age bracket. They would be horrified if someone asked for a tour of their homes!
These people are generally very traditional. As an example, I know for a fact that some of them don't even like it if a person who is not a relative or a friend addresses them by their first name (i.e. their hairdresser or tradesmen).
Can you imagine the looks on their faces if a stranger asked them if they can have a tour of their home!

HuskyMcClusky · 03/01/2018 11:30

She commented on the smoked mirrors I have installed in the closet which rubbed me the wrong way a little.

Yeah, righto.

You threw a guest out of your house, and the next day she had a nice chat about your mirrors?

Original poster

bubblesdrew · 03/01/2018 11:32

@huskymcclusky it wasn't nice unfortunately. She said they looked dirty with the smoke effect. I just said my goodbyes and thought to myself I wouldn't be speaking to her again...

OP posts:

Emmasmum2013 · 03/01/2018 11:32

"She commented on the smoked mirrors I have installed in the closet which rubbed me the wrong way a little.

As if she had won in being able to see part of the master bedroom."

Is this a piss take now?
You feel like she somehow "won"? Did you previously feel like you had "won" by not allowing her to see any of it?
I'm surprised she spoke to you at all given the circumstances. Maybe it was a sly dig at you.. Does it really matter?? Just don't invite them over again.

RadioGaGoo · 03/01/2018 11:33

I imagine she's thinking the same OP, so wouldn't worry!

ButchyRestingFace · 03/01/2018 11:33

Yeah, righto.

Just go with it, Husky.

A few of us have already lined up a tour of Pax’s hoose.

Twofishfingers · 03/01/2018 11:34

I cannot think of any occasion when I would invite people to my house and not show them around. It's a small, unpretentious house but if I invite people in my house, I don't bar them from an area. It's ridiculous.

But again, mumsnet is full of people who would be cross if guests would use the upstairs loo.

You will be the talk of the village OP. Good start. You have managed to achieve just what you wanted - create a good sense of community. For the others!

kaytee87 · 03/01/2018 11:36

How do you see properly in smoked mirrors?

Original poster

bubblesdrew · 03/01/2018 11:37

@twofishfingers If community is letting people around my home after they have been told no, I don't want it.

OP posts:

Original poster

bubblesdrew · 03/01/2018 11:37

@kattee87 they are just on the front of the drawers!

OP posts:

Billben · 03/01/2018 11:39

*She commented on the smoked mirrors I have installed in the closet which rubbed me the wrong way a little.

As if she had won in being able to see part of the master bedroom.*

She does feel like she had won. I’d be furious if this had happened to me. I can’t stand nosy people and no invitation to my home ever entails a tour. I’m particularly protective of my bedroom as I class that as my sanctuary away from the world.

Emmasmum2013 · 03/01/2018 11:39

"She said they looked dirty with the smoke effect"

I think we need a pic of the smoked mirrors OP, for context.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/01/2018 11:39

when a woman says no we are expected to elaborate and save face

I think that not true in this case. I think in a social situation just saying "no" to a request which (as this thread has shown) is considered perfectly normal by many many people (especially in a self-build I'd have thought) is a bit rude. I'd certainly be taken aback if someone said a blank "no" to me in that situation. Though I wouldn't have asked again I'd just mentally mark you down as rude

I agree that MN is a bit different too my RL experience. In my world people answer their doors, invite people in and don't get the vapours about people using their toilet

PaxUniversalis · 03/01/2018 11:39

@ButchyRestingFace
A few of us have already lined up a tour of Pax’s hoose.

OK, but you'll need to forgive all the clutter. I'm NOT a minimalist person! I'm NOT super tidy! Every surface is taken. There's loads of stuff. There's paperwork lying around. Wallpaper is peeling, plaster is crumbling and wooden floorboards are broken. A lot of our furniture is second hand or handed down.
However, you'll be able to admire my stash of quirky flea market treasures dotted around the house, should you be interested. I am proud of my collection!

HuskyMcClusky · 03/01/2018 11:40

A few of us have already lined up a tour of Pax’s hoose.

Yeah, Pax’s sounds great! I love old houses. Pity I’m in Aus.

ButchyRestingFace · 03/01/2018 11:42

Whether it was a man or a woman who said it, I’d think a bald “N-O” was rude.

In fact, if it was the husband who said it, I’d judge him even harder because, well... menz.

But it has always been my experience that a wee tour is the norm and expected.

Bluebell28 · 03/01/2018 11:42

Gosh how rude was that woman! I had a similar experience years ago...older and wiser now and tend to meet people outside my home if I don't know them well. Happy New year

Flossie4 · 03/01/2018 11:42

I am surprised people you didn't know who lived over the fields from you were invited to dinner in the first place, after a casual encounter in a shop. Invite them for drinks, but not to sit down with the family and dine formally. That's a bit full on, from bumping into someone you don't know from Adam to inviting them to dinner. The neighbour wrongly assumed you were friendly I imagine, and wouldn't mind giving her a tour of the house. I think house tours often happen when you have new people around. They are naturally curious. I imagine your "no you cannot have a tour" put paid to any friendship you might have hoped for. It seems very frosty imo, unless you'd taken the time to say why it wasn't convenient. If there were children sleeping that's a perfectly reasonable reason not to do a tour but you could have always countered that with an invitation to coffee another day. No, she shouldn't have had a nose around, but I think it's quite understandable and not a major offence. You and your husband never attended diplomacy college, did you?

CIssieB · 03/01/2018 11:43

I wanted to invite them to enjoy my family, dinner and wine

You're over egging the pudding now OP.

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