I asked my guest to leave my home.

[bubblesdrew]

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

But you can say "no" in a non-rude way bluntness. How about "No, afraid not, the kids are sleeping upstairs, and we have our niece staying who is a bit shy, so we'll have to skip it for now. Sorry, maybe another time!"

That’s not just “no” though. What you have suggested softens the no and would be far more socially acceptable I think to most people.

Totally different to a flat ”No. The End”.

And I don’t believe that most blokes would have given a bald “no” with no further explanation to guests/potential friends either.

Rude to refuse tour of new house. Rude to take a sneaky peak. Rude to ask her to leave over it.

None of you seem to have the remotest idea how to behave.

The H in this OP DID say No and was ignored.

There is absolutely no reason for anyone to get any backlash at all. No is an acceptable answer for anyone, but women are routinely challenged when they say no. We're conditioned to be 'nice' and accommodating.

None of you seem to have the remotest idea how to behave.

Are you here to us all The Way, The Life and The Truth then?

Maybe in future all the meter readers that get short thrift from so many Mumsnetters when they ask to read the meter simply need to ask for 'a tour of the meter cupboard ' instead.

Hissy - does it really make a difference if she was in there once or lots of times? You don't just go walking into someone's bedroom, especially when you've been told that you can't have a tour! The main thing was the niece was clearly scared by her behaviour - and let's be honest, who wouldn't be alarmed to see a strange person wandering around outside their bedroom?- so she compounded rudeness with frightening a child.

Completely agree, but if the woman had been in there repeatedly as Doin thought, it would be WAY worse. I was just clarifying to Doin that it was apparently the once only.

"women are routinely challenged when they say no"

I think this is true, and I think this woman's behaviour WAS a challenge. It says, clear as anything, "I'm going to ignore your clearly-expressed wishes, and do what I WANT!". It shows a lack of respect, and - in the context of the difficulties for women saying no already detailed in this thread - a lack of solidarity.

It is, in fact, precisely the kind of thing my very undermining mother-in-law would do. It turns female interaction into a competition, or a power play, instead of allowing it to be something that develops equality, understanding and mutual respect.

Rude to refuse tour of new house.
No, it's really not.

Rude to take a sneaky peak.
Absolutely ridiculously rude to sneak upstairs anyway.

Rude to ask her to leave over it.
No it's not. It's really not rude to ask someone to leave your house when they have utterly transgressed your boundaries, AND scared a child into the bargain.

OP, are you one of those Irish that build a MASSIVE house but you and your husband have normal jobs like a nurse and a mechanic?

All my Irish friends live in big houses! I swear I'm not exaggerating.

We built a new house and happily gave tours if asked. Yes, I'm Scottish.

Oh and your guest was incredibly rude!

Seems like a few people on here have missed their vocation in life to be estate agents. You can view several properties a day and get paid for it!

It was all rude Hissy. And hilariously gauche. All worthy of a Mike Leigh film.

Its "rude to refuse to give a stranger a tiyr of your house".
You learn something new every day.
This could be the new 'day out'. We could all rock up to interesting houses and demand tours.

We could do a sort of trip advisor for them and rate the owners on how rude they were when the shut the doors in our faces😀

This sense of entitlement is getting ridiculous

"I want to see every inch of your house and i want to see it now. You cant refuse me because that would be rude and suggest i am not entitled to get my own way every time. Do you know how important i am? Its got nothing to do with your wishes in your home its about being super nice and accommodating whatever someone asks of you because thats what women do."

The woman was batshit rude - no quibbles there. I don't, however, think it's rude to ask for a tour (southerner here). OP had the option to refuse, which she did (rather abruptly by the sound of it). All these people who think that fancying a quick tour of someone's one-off new build is snooping though - Wow! I'd like a tour of your new house OP, but I wouldn't be opening drawers and picking up your belongings. I'd like to see what you've done with lighting, flooring, etc, and if you said you'd rather not show me your bedroom - fine. Most people really aren't like Come Dine With Me, honestly.

I think it's fairly normal to be shown around a new house or after renovation but you don't have to. I would expect people to be interested though.

We did a big renovation on our house and Peoole were interested. Anyone who came over saw downstairs obviously and a couple of people saw upstairs. Mainly as upstairs is always a mess!

I have a friend who gives everyone a full tour including upstairs.

We have new neighbours and they renovated and when I popped in with a card and a bottle of fizz they brought me in and gave me a tour. They had been over to us a few times and we had discussed what they were doing etc.

I think in your case OP I would have just put her off. I'd have said you'd love to show her around another time but it was a bit messy and your niece was asleep or whatever. I think your point-blank 'no' fuelled her interest tbh.

"I want to see every inch of your house and i want to see it now. You cant refuse me because that would be rude and suggest i am not entitled to get my own way every time. Do you know how important i am? Its got nothing to do with your wishes in your home its about being super nice and accommodating whatever someone asks of you because thats what women do."

Who actually said anything even remotely resembling that?

The most (some) people have said is that it’s common in their area or life experience to give guests a tour.

I’ve yet to see anyone say that the guest’s refusal to take “no” for an answer (three times the cock crowed!) and subsequent subterfuge tour of the house was anything other than unacceptable?

@hissy The master is our bedroom but, my niece was in just watching a DVD on the tv. Her mother had come up several times throughout the night after the kids got their dinner to check on her and refill her water etc.
My guest, after leaving for the 'bathroom' walked upstairs, through the closet that leads into the master and my niece was a little spooked as she expected her Mummy :) sorry my explanation maybe wasn't great :)

TatianaLarina that comment is what makes me think that apart from a regional issue, this might also be a lower-middle/upper-middle class division. Upper middle class more likely to have grand designs-like asipirations to architectural house renovations, and more likely to see tours as the done thing, as opposed to a gross invasion of privacy. Just a hunch, though, and I'm sure there are exceptions in both directions.

So @Willow2017 (I am very much playing devil's advocate here, I in no way condone any of the behaviour in the scenario)
By your logic, if giving the tour would be "super nice and accommodating", is refusing it therefore mean and disobliging?

It was all rude Hissy. And hilariously gauche. All worthy of a Mike Leigh film.

Quite

OP you sound odd. You invite strangers to your new house for dinner, why? Then flatly so no when asked for a tour of your new house without any reason or explanation. Did you just want to show off your house or something?

Your sound very confusing

At least you have learned that your neighbours are, unfortunately, not the sort of people you want in your house.

Did she say sorry when she went? Did her husband say anything?

TatianaLarina that comment is what makes me think that apart from a regional issue, this might also be a lower-middle/upper-middle class division

I was wondering much the same earlier except in the opposite direction to you - ie, that giving guests a tour might be a working class thing.

Met my guest this morning at our local shop. A little awkward but, I tried my best to keep it casual and friendly.

She commented on the smoked mirrors I have installed in the closet which rubbed me the wrong way a little.

As if she had won in being able to see part of the master bedroom.

What did she actually say for herself when caught with her fingers in the sweetie jar, @bubblesdrew?