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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I asked my guest to leave my home.

999 replies

bubblesdrew · 02/01/2018 22:44

We built a house a couple of fields away from some neighbours.

I met the husband at the local shop a couple of months after we got settled & after some chat asked if him and his wife would like to join us, friends & family for a New Years Eve dinner.

His wife and himself arrived that night and they were initially great. During conversation she asked for a tour of the house and I said no (not in a rude way). 20 minutes later she said again that she would like a tour of the house and again I said no. Then a THIRD time she asked and at that point my husband stepped in and said that there wouldn't be a tour.

She used the bathroom numerous times in the night which is located under the stairs. My niece was in our room at the top of the stairs past the closet which eventually leads into the master bedroom.

This woman had climbed the stairs later in the night when she asked to be excused for the bathroom went through my closet and into the master bedroom. My niece flew down and told my husband who marched upstairs and quietly asked her to leave. She claimed she was lost but, she had used the bottom bathroom all night!!
Should I have given her a tour or was she being completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
Beakyplinders · 03/01/2018 07:58

Ive been asked for (and given) tours of my house before but it's up to the home owner whether they want to or not as your home is your private space.

I'm guessing the OPs reason for not wanting the tour to be given was as their niece was asleep upstairs? OP, what exactly did you tell the woman when she asked repeatedly for a tour?

treaclesoda · 03/01/2018 08:00

The offending woman was Irish- is this acceptable in NI and RoI

I'd say a tour is very much the norm in N Ireland if someone has just built/moved to/renovated a house.

But not if you just happen to be visiting for the first time and the people have already lived there for ten years.

RedBunny · 03/01/2018 08:01

I find it annoying when people insist on going me a tour of their house. I assume they just want to show off! I’d certainly never ask. I might have to do the same if they ever come round!!!

WizardOfToss · 03/01/2018 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

misshannah · 03/01/2018 08:07

You were well within your rights not to give a tour. I am refitting my houseboat out and i wouldn't give a tour to anybody except maybe my mum

It's your home, you should not have to give a reason. How would she like it if you crept around her house in the same manner?

Santasbigredbobblehat · 03/01/2018 08:07

Pretty much everyone who has come round our house has had a look round, and we look round theirs when we go round. (We’re all in London).
However, no one would push a tour if the home owner didn’t want it.

Santasbigredbobblehat · 03/01/2018 08:09

Also interested in your layout of going through a room to get to your bedroom.

shockthemonkey · 03/01/2018 08:16

You go through a wardrobe, I think, to reach the master bedroom, Santa

shockthemonkey · 03/01/2018 08:18

I really don't see why a reason cannot be given.

It is common social lubricant to save face and be polite. Obs the visiting woman was very rude, but even before she had been rude she had had a flat "no" thrown in her face in response to a perfectly normal, in some circumstances polite request.

Howlonguntileaster · 03/01/2018 08:19

I'm guessing it's a dressing room that leads through to the master bedroom - SIL'S is like that. Very nice it is too Smile

Slartybartfast · 03/01/2018 08:19

you built a house but you didnt want to show it off?
odd

is it crap?

LockedOutOfMN · 03/01/2018 08:20

I'd never ask for a tour. It's not the done thing here (Spain). If someone asked me, I'd be a bit surprised but I guess I would show them around.

OP's neighbour is a CF and OP was NBU.

mogulfield · 03/01/2018 08:21

Totally normal to do the tour amongst our friends. Although the last one was embarrassing as DH had left the lube out.

I wouldn’t ask someone for one 3 times though! That’s odd.

thegreylady · 03/01/2018 08:24

When I have moved house I do offer friends/family a tour . I am always interested in other folks new homes. However I wouldn’t ask ( might hint) and if it didn’t happen I wouldn’t mention it again and would never take myself round especially bedrooms which are private.

HuskyMcClusky · 03/01/2018 08:26

What I do find thoroughly unreasonable is this current trend for slapping a flat 'NO' in someone's face. It's STAGGERINGLY rude!!!
It ISNT a complete sentence at all!

Yeah, I’ve never been on board with this, either.

I mean, unless it’s a complete stranger asking to touch your boobs or something.

Otherwise...it’s a bit blunt.

youarenotkiddingme · 03/01/2018 08:28

I'm surprised at how many people think asking for a tour is odd and would refuse a tour of their house.

Especially if the basis of inviting them is you've just built it and become their neighbours.

Yanbu to have refused and be annoyed that she ignored you.

TeaCoffeeCakeGinWine · 03/01/2018 08:33

South Wales here too.. tours are totally normal behaviour 😳

Peachyking000 · 03/01/2018 08:34

I hated this when we moved into our house 2 years ago. Especially as we were living out of boxes abc bags, and hadn’t decorated or bought much furniture, so it all looked a bit of a mess. Didn’t stop DH’s family wanting to nosey around in our bedrooms every time they visited though, despite the fact that I have never been upstairs in any of their houses.

Bigkingdom · 03/01/2018 08:35

Why does a neighbour who came for dinner need a tour of your house? She just wanted to be nosey. Don't invite them round again, she is just a rude nosey neighbour.

Wineasaurous · 03/01/2018 08:36

Tbf I would refuse to give someone a tour if I had sleeping children upstairs...

CharlieSierra · 03/01/2018 08:41

I find the tour thing odd, unless it's a historic house and they came on a day out why would anyone want to see over someone's house?

The repeated asking, refusing and subsequent asking them to leave sounds awful on all counts. She was rude to ask, you were rude to say no in that way, and then to ask them to leave and potentially cause embarrassment to your other guests was unbelievably crass.

womblinglove · 03/01/2018 08:46

So....you invited complete strangers into your brand new gaff on NYE?

That's the first odd thing - although given your rudeness I can see why you have no friends to invite over.

OF COURSE she thought she would get a tour!!! Why on earth would you invite strangers into your house if not to let them see it?

And then to ask them to leave? Extraordinary.

Al those MN posters who agree with you are all the same social outcasts that grizzle that they have no friends/people blank them on the school run. You have to give friendship to receive it which does seem something of an alien notion to many on here.

womblinglove · 03/01/2018 08:48

To add - we have an old, interesting house and everyone and their dog always wants a nosy. Am always happy to oblige - it's a part of the history of this village and in a way belongs to all the village.

mikado1 · 03/01/2018 08:51

Irish here. Tour very normal if new house but I would only ask a close friend/family member for one. Those of you saying no, what if you have a house warming party? I think people are just interested in layout etc. I like seeing what people have done. Certainly not to gossip.

Yanu to refuse tho and she was VU to snoop- mortifying!

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 08:53

I would think it odd to show people around your house and off to ask. Who gives a fuck about a random house unless it’s of historic interest.

I would giggle to myself if a friend offered me a house tour and think ‘bless’