To refuse to stop receiving maintenance

[Carbohol78]

I earn more than my Ex; and my DH earns more than me. However I just wondered if, in my shoes, you’d ever refuse to receive or refuse to pay CM (if you had the option to refuse to pay)

My DH and I both have majority care, my Ex earns slightly less than me and he pays me £600pcm under duress through CMS for 2 children. He does moan he cannot afford it, although on his wage I am not sure I believe him, he has ok cars and has just done a lot of work on his house (had to extend mortgage tbf)

I don’t believe the children do without at his house (he has them 2 nights pw), but he claims he cannot afford for them to do swimming at £7 per week

Even though we also have majority custody of my SC, we pay their mum maintenance as she is genuinely shorter on money and we buy all school uniform for them etc and help out in other areas

My Ex says I should stop my claim through CMS and I should just pay for my days and him for his, to be honest, I do admit I feel it is karma he pays (big cheat, living with one of the women now), I don’t need the maintenance to provide for the children (though it of course makes things a lot more comfortable)

So, I was just wondering what you would do in my position? AIBU to keep taking this money? I hate the fact that a bit of me is liking the fact he resents me having his money (his gf (the OW) told my kids that they couldn’t afford things as “your Mummy takes our money”), I know that makes me a horrible person!

So if you were in our position, would you think the payments should stop? Is maintenance only reasonable when the PWC needs it?

He can afford to take them swimming. What he means is that he's chosen to prioritise other things.

At the very, very, very most I'd give him back £7 a week to take the kids swimming.

I would make sure though that your children and your step-children aren't aware of the difference between you not giving your ex anything (rightly) and choosing to pay your DH's ex maintenance when you have majority residence. It might make things confusing and difficult to understand.

Taylor I think you missed the point
If the money is for the children then it’s not down to the op to stop the ex paying
It’s the nrp duty to pay regardless of whether op was a billionaire
That money is for the children maintenance

Christ on a bike. For that comment alone from OW, I wouldn't even think twice about this. Why on earth shouldn't he pay for his kids? What is it with OW's and maintenance? I've had similar issues, particularly manipulating salaries (ex works for her) in order to keep maintenance to a minimum. Vile.

If you didn’t have sharks, then the kids could swim in the moat, which would save the £7.

My thoughts too Rafals, although sharks would teach them to swim faster, so it becomes more educational

I love this thread!

£75k!! He can def pay!

YADNBU and his gf can fuck right off. She's batshit if she thinks that's an okay comment to make to the kids!

It matters not one jot what you earn and it sure as hell doesn't matter what your DP earns. If your ex couldn't afford to drop to one income and still pay maintenance then he really should have thought twice before expanding his family. At the end of the day his DC with you are still his DC and even (like pp have said) if you were a millionaire he is still financially responsible for them. I bet you wouldn't want to stop financially contributing towards them if your ex had most of the care and was rolling in cash. I bet you'd still want to fund them as they'd still be your DC.

You are a genius OP. Such a good Ex as well. Your mermaid dancer could be a life guard as well.

On the other hand the most sharks might inspire the kids to become faster swimmers.

My ex got made redundant & I let him off maintenance for 6 months even though I had lost my job of 4 years caring FT for our daughter with ASD, got into rent arrears of 2k & back on benefits. In that 6 months he had a massive wedding in Ireland with his now wife, they live in Wolverhampton.

definitely thinking alike there

And when he cheats on OW and moves in with another OW and OW no1 wants maintenance, will she be saying no I don’t want your money?.....

I would take the money and save it as others have said. They are already missing out on having their full time father, at least they can have some money towards uni fees or something when they’re older.

Good point about the sharks. Leave them in then.

@Ellicam, I just appreciate how invested you are in my DCs extra-curricular activities

@Taylor22 you are so right, I am a great Ex, he should be grateful, he is way lucky

That's really just under £150 per calendar week when you think it through, thought. And in most families, that doesn't go very far when there are bills to pay.

I would have him keep paying it. It's not a lot from that perspective and they are his children. Plus he was a cheating shit, and the OW is mouthing of at YOUR children about you and he's letting her, which is completely out of line. They're not even remorseful of their behaviour towards you or their continued bad-mouthing ... why would you do them any favours?

Put the money away and don't spend it if you don't need it. You might someday, you never know. Or you'll be able to help more with university expenses, a first car/insurance, deposit for a home perhaps?

OP - your Ex earns about £85K then!!
So £600 is not affecting his lifestyle significantly either!!
You said this was CMA calculated.

I am in the same position as you and EX still has to pay, he earns 100K.
I earn three times what my EX does and really do not need the monies, but he needs to know his kids cost monies which he will happily forget. His then OW, felt he should give me nothing because I earned enough and they needed it - to fund her profligate 5 day per month workstyle.

For 4 yrs ex paid £300 pm for 2 DCS - I have put that money in an investment account for them for the future. This is half and abit what he should pay!

No way would i entertain him not paying. He has now left OW and she thinks she should get all the maintenance for their 1 joint child!!!!

Don't do it, this is not about you doing it along, he is responsible for his offspring aswell.

Every time he brings it up just broken record him. 'We will stick with the CMS agreement.' Rinse and repeat.

And repeat to the children, 'He is paying for you, not me. He is paying what the law says he should for you.'

@life&theuniverse not sure on actual salary, I think about £70k basic, then bonus on top, is just about to go through annual review though (if it goes up he is gonna blow!) ...

That seems very high though. I thought the highest amount was like £220 or something. Or does it go on what you earn? I'm not defending him but it just seems like a lot especially if you don't need it. Maybe come to a private arrangement and get him to set up a direct debit. Maybe £450pcm and tell him to take them swimming and maybe for more days out for them or something? Obviously I don't know this man's financial situation but my partner (until being signed off as disabled) was paying £270 for 4 children and some of that was back pay for when he was on the sick and unable to pay. If his ex wife took £600 we wouldn't be able to afford to live x

Hoard the lot for their future........if you don't need it.

Kids don't need stuff now, the way the world's going they need money when they're adults to give them a start in life. I sure as he'll wish I'd stashed a lot more money when my kids were small and didn't really need it.

There was a case with someone high profile - was it Geri Hallewell? Or Liz Hurley?
They refused to take maintenance from the father of their child but the court insisted they had to

So you can tell him that your hands are tied and you couldn't refuse it even if you wanted to

And then spend it on sharks and lap dances

Zoe it’s calculated as a percentage of your net earnings, not gross and the percentage is between 25-25 % depending on how many children you have and up to approximately £2000 pounds