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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To arrange a party for a Sunday as it means the morman best friend can't attend?

148 replies

Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 13:41

Just that really. Struggling to find a date that we and the place can all do. Would you consider the best friend vital?

I already have a hard enough time trying to explain why their family can't have tea or coffee due to caffeine but are fine with chocolate and coke. I don't have anything against them they seem nice, but it's already hard enough as it is trying to get a date that suits all.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 02/01/2018 13:42

If you can't find a suitable date on another day then I would just book the Sunday, you can't arrange your life to suit someone elses religious restrictions

steff13 · 02/01/2018 13:45

Who is the party for? Is it a birthday party? If it's for your child, I would say it's important for his/her best friend to be there. There are 6 other days in a week.

How difficult is it to say, "they don't believe in drinking coffee or tea?"

SleepIsForTheWeek · 02/01/2018 13:46

Of course the best friend is vital, doesn't matter what it's for!

SeaCabbage · 02/01/2018 13:46

Could you have the best friend over for tea the day before?

DoublyTroubly · 02/01/2018 13:47

How old is the child and how close are they to the best friend vs other friends? My DD would be devastated is her best friend couldn’t attend her party - I would definitely arrange it around them

steff13 · 02/01/2018 13:47

My son's best friend since the age of 5 (they're now 18) is a Seventh Day Adventist, so they observe on Saturday. We always arranged son's birthday parties for either Friday evening or Sunday so his best friend could attend.

museumum · 02/01/2018 13:48

Who’s the party for? Most people would rather have their best friend than any number of other friends but not bf.

WashingMatilda · 02/01/2018 13:49

It's not the kids fault they've been brainwashed bought up strictly religious. How old is the child?

AnnieOH1 · 02/01/2018 13:51

Why on earth are you explaining their diet needs to anyone?

Just arrange the party, provided it's not going to clash with church itself they should be okay, they don't sound like stick up their behind LDS types if they drink coke.

Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 13:51

The party is for ds aged 8, but I do think they are drifting a bit. It's either have it then or a month later.

It's easy to say they don't believe in drinking tea or coffee, but when they ask why other products with caffeine are ok it's difficult to say anything logical back.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 02/01/2018 13:51

Oh it's your childs best friend? I misread that hhhmmm that does make it different actually

Skyllo30 · 02/01/2018 13:56

Could you have the child for a play date on the Saturday? Perhaps a cupcake with a candle in it for birthday effect!

exmormon · 02/01/2018 14:00

Not sure who the party is for but there's no reason why your Mormon friend couldn't attend on Sunday as many still shop and watch TV. Most Mormon families genuinely strive to maintain good relationships with non-Mormons and see parties and other events as an opportunity to show that you can enjoy life without drinking tea/coffee/alcohol. If they decline to attend (or are prevented from attending by a parent), that's their choice, but I really wouldn't change the date to suit him or her.

Hope you have a great party!

Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 14:00

Yes could totally do something the day before, would the family be thankful or offended by this?

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 02/01/2018 14:02

Yes could totally do something the day before, would the family be thankful or offended by this?

I'm sure they would be thankful that you thought of their child enough to offer doing something the day before. Just explain that you couldn't get a different day

ApproachingATunnel · 02/01/2018 14:02

You dont have to do all that explaining. If you struggle refer those with further questions directly to your friends - ‘i have unfortunately forgotten the reasoning behind that but i’m sure they can explain that if you are interested’. I doubt ppl care that much about the whole tea/chocolate thing anyways. Or just say ‘they dont like tea but like chocolate’ leaving out the whole them being mormons bit.
You sound slightly fed up with them tbh?

Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 14:03

Well yes there is no reason they can't attend on Sunday apart from their beleifs apparently say they can't. So obviously I'm not going to question that.

OP posts:
exmormon · 02/01/2018 14:03

Sorry, posts crossed then. The avoidance of tea and coffee due to caffeine is part of the Word of Wisdom - Mormon health code. But as you rightly point out, there's caffeine in chocolate and coke, too, and most Mormons consume both. The WoW also promotes eating health and getting plenty of rest, but few Mormons adhere to either...

A party for an 8 year old really should not be a problem but if it is, it's definitely the parents' attitude and not their child's.

RhiannonOHara · 02/01/2018 14:04

I think the best friend should be there, so I'd be tempted to find a date to suit them. Or, going by whatex says above, talk to the family about why exactly they can't attend on a Sunday.

I already have a hard enough time trying to explain why their family can't have tea or coffee due to caffeine but are fine with chocolate and coke. Why do you have to explain anything, if you're not one of the family? Confused

BarbarianMum · 02/01/2018 14:04
exmormon · 02/01/2018 14:06

Just to clarify, any Mormon family will hold their child's birthday party on Sunday, if that's the day it falls on, so it's not an issue with their belief system.

sinceyouask · 02/01/2018 14:06

I wouldn't bother trying to explain someone else's dietary rules, I'd just suggest the questioner asked them directly. (And now I'm off to Google why tea and coffee are bad but coke and chocolate are because you're right, op, that is a tricky one if it's supposed to be about caffeine).
The bf is pretty essential though.

ghostyslovesheets · 02/01/2018 14:08

ask your child?

steff13 · 02/01/2018 14:09

It's easy to say they don't believe in drinking tea or coffee, but when they ask why other products with caffeine are ok it's difficult to say anything logical back.

It's not your belief, you don't have to explain it or understand it. If you son asks why they don't have coffee or tea but do drink Coke and eat chocolate, "I don't know," is a perfectly acceptable response.

Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 14:10

Yes it is more difficult than explaining beef, you just answer cows are sacred. More difficult if it's about caffeine and it's a belief they contradic themselves.

I'm not annoyed at them, just a tad exasperated that someone else's beliefs (that they flounce in other aspects) are already making a difficult situation even woorse.

OP posts: