Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To arrange a party for a Sunday as it means the morman best friend can't attend?

148 replies

Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 13:41

Just that really. Struggling to find a date that we and the place can all do. Would you consider the best friend vital?

I already have a hard enough time trying to explain why their family can't have tea or coffee due to caffeine but are fine with chocolate and coke. I don't have anything against them they seem nice, but it's already hard enough as it is trying to get a date that suits all.

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 02/01/2018 14:10

I'm just impressed your eight yo knows chocolate contains caffeine tbh.

BarbarianMum · 02/01/2018 14:12

And logic and religious beliefs are pretty uneasy bedfellows anyway. Not just in mormonism.

Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 14:12

Just to clarify, any Mormon family will hold their child's birthday party on Sunday, if that's the day it falls on, so it's not an issue with their belief system.

Are you serious?!

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 02/01/2018 14:14

Why is it more difficult? Just say some forms of caffiene are forbidden and some are not. If you have to explain it at all (why you do is not quite clear).

How do you deal with religious contradictions generally?

Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 14:14

Yes you are all right I should just not get into any kind of explanation, I just did to avoid them asking the family themselves and causing offense.

OP posts:
ATeardropExplodes · 02/01/2018 14:16

It's easy to say they don't believe in drinking tea or coffee, but when they ask why other products with caffeine are ok it's difficult to say anything logical back.

Who are you explaining this to and why?

RhiannonOHara · 02/01/2018 14:18

I just did to avoid them asking the family themselves and causing offense.

Are they such delicate flowers that they can't handle someone asking them about their beliefs? Why do you take on this responsibility?

Nanny0gg · 02/01/2018 14:18

I think if someone’s religious beliefs make them behave a certain way or follow particular rules then they should be prepared to explain them.

Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 14:23

Well caffeine is caffeine though, it would be a lie to say caffeine in tea is different from caffeine in chocolate. I'm not going to even try to explain it ever again I think.

OP posts:
PocketCoffeeEspresso · 02/01/2018 14:25

I think if someone’s religious beliefs make them behave a certain way or follow particular rules then they should be prepared to explain them.

Trouble is that now-a-days, at least online, you're more likely to be told to 'educate yourself'

hell, it happens here often enough, someone asks a fairly innocent question, and people heap on, having a go at why they felt the need to question someone on their beliefs rather than google it.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/01/2018 14:29

I think the explanation to a child is "That's what they believe is right, we have different beliefs". It's really not a big deal is it?

exmormon · 02/01/2018 14:32

*leatcake: Just to clarify, any Mormon family will hold their child's birthday party on Sunday, if that's the day it falls on, so it's not an issue with their belief system.

Are you serious?!*

Yes. Mormon for 25 years. Attended droves of Mormon birthday parties, anniversaries and other celebrations on Sundays, including Christmas and NYE, from late afternoon until the evening. It's very common. This is why I told you it isn't an issue with their belief system.

There is a huge hypocrisy in the LDS church regarding the Word of Wisdom teaching. It forbids alcohol, tobacco, caffeine and other drugs (though not properly prescribed medication) so since caffeine is a drug (stimulant), tea and coffee are avoided. But copious amounts of coke are drunk and chocolate consumed by the ton and they rationalise it by saying that coke wasn't invented when the Word of Wisdom was given and chocolate doesn't count Hmm Confused

MyNewBearTotoro · 02/01/2018 14:34

Mormons don’t avoid tea and coffee because of the caffeine, they avoid tea & coffee because they believe that God told Joseph Smith ‘hot drinks’ were forbidden. This was later clarified to mean tea (including green tea/ herbal teas) and coffee.

There is nothing in Mormon scripture to say that caffeine can not be consumed so coke and chocolate are fine.

BarbarianMum · 02/01/2018 14:34

Tell them one is forbidden and one not. That's the difference. I think you'll find the wine in the communion cup has the same chemical composition whether you believe it is the blood of Christ or wine representing the blood of Christ. If you examine the atoms of beef or pork you will find little difference. It's belief that makes a difference.

cathycake · 02/01/2018 14:38

Do you respect that people have religious views? If yes then accommodate the bf.
simples!

manicinsomniac · 02/01/2018 14:40

The amount of caffeine is negligible - nowhere near enough to affect behaviour or wakefulness if that is what they are worried about. Even coke (particularly diet, weirdly) has a lot less caffeine in that tea and coffee (something like 5-8 times less in a can of coke than a cup of coffee, I think - I looked this up recently due to my own diet coke addiction!) So it sort of makes sense that tea and coffee would be the banned substances.

I would:
hold the party on Sunday
tell the best friend's parents that their son is of course invited but, if he can't come, you'd love him to come for a tea party on the Saturday.

manicinsomniac · 02/01/2018 14:40

*in chocolate, that first sentence should say!

exmormon · 02/01/2018 14:44

BarbarianMum is right about the hot drinks...Mormons substitute tea and coffee for something called Barley Cup and/or Caro but, regardless, they were still 'hot drinks'!

MissConductUS · 02/01/2018 14:44

The Mormon scriptural prohibition isn't against caffeine, it's against "hot drinks".

Church posts statement clarifying — again — that caffeinated sodas are not off-limits.

I'm an Episcopalian, by the way, but a Yank, and am somewhat familiar with Mormon religious teachings.

LML83 · 02/01/2018 14:52

you could go to a lot of effort to have this party on a Saturday and the bf may not come as he is sick or on holiday or grannies birthday.

I would have the party that suits you best, invite bf if they can't attend be understanding. If you child is upset offer a play date at another time.

My dd would be disappointed if best friend didn't come but I don't check before I book party we do what we can and hope for the best and show her she can have fun without best friend too. My dd would be more disappointed having birthday a month late.

RoseWhiteTips · 02/01/2018 14:56

So called belief systems are full of contradictions. Don’t be surprised at the flouting that goes on.

RoseWhiteTips · 02/01/2018 14:57

Why are hot drinks a no no? How odd and random, frankly.

RoseWhiteTips · 02/01/2018 14:57

Caffeinated ones.

00100001 · 02/01/2018 14:57

I have NO IDEA as to how on earth you would be explaining caffeine choices of another person... who are you explaining this to? Who is so interested in your best friends beverage and snack choices?

How has this come up so much in your life that this the repeated point of the thread????

I have friends who ask for decaf tea but will eat chocolate, so what?... WHAT IS THERE TO EVEN EXPLAIN????

I'm so bloody confused.

Confused
RoseWhiteTips · 02/01/2018 14:59

Got my answer further up. Still laughing. How ludicrous the hot drinks thing is whatever the “reasoning”.