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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To arrange a party for a Sunday as it means the morman best friend can't attend?

148 replies

Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 13:41

Just that really. Struggling to find a date that we and the place can all do. Would you consider the best friend vital?

I already have a hard enough time trying to explain why their family can't have tea or coffee due to caffeine but are fine with chocolate and coke. I don't have anything against them they seem nice, but it's already hard enough as it is trying to get a date that suits all.

OP posts:
00100001 · 02/01/2018 15:04

But rose why is the OP explaining?

Who is she explaining to??

Confused
mummyhaschangedhername · 02/01/2018 15:04

Firstly, book the part whenever suits your family. It's up to others to govern then own beliefs.

Secondly, not really sure what the big deal with tea and coffee is, so they don't drink it? Is tea and coffee such a massive part of life that that beings up a massive issue? Confused there that it's a big thing.

So ... Mormon here, firstly, tea and coffee thing isn't about caffeine. In fact we don't really know why, we mostly see it as an obedience thing, but tea and coffee is what we are specifically told not to drink (along with alcohol) but whatever the reason is doesn't affect our ability to drink hot chocolate weirdly, or eat it, in fact chocolate is my drug of choice 😂 generally we all live it a bit differently, it's all classed as the "word of wisdom" and there are things in it about eating meat sparingly and getting enough sleep, that some ignore and others take to the extreme. But drinking tea and coffee will be frowned upon.

The same applies with parties on a Sunday .. some family's do and seem don't. We don't, we try and keep Sunday's about service, and thinking about family, christ and various other church related topics and activities. We don't shop or do activities as such on a Sunday. Saying that, there are plenty who do, so I just depends on what their idea of "keeping the sabbath" means. If my kids birthday falls on a Sunday we do a party on another day but may have a "tea party" at home that day, but there wouldn't a party as such (although Frequently we invite others over to eat leftovers form the Previous nights party).

Although, you do have my sympathy, most places are geared up for Sunday parties so anything on a Saturday is a pain to find.

cathycake · 02/01/2018 15:08

I'm just at a total loss why religion comes into this? What has it got to do with anything ? Bf can't come to party on a particular day (whether it's for religious reasons or any other reason that has fuck all to do with anything) the question is really can you be arsed to accommodate your child's bf if it means any inconvenience to you?

Allthewaves · 02/01/2018 15:10

Could u do a day put thing with best friend and have party on sunday

AcrossthePond55 · 02/01/2018 15:13

Grew up with a Mormon BFF. There was never any issue with parties or other things on Sundays provided it didn't interfere with her attending church in the morning. But as we attended church too, that was never a problem. BFF and I did plenty of activities on Sundays from parties to swimming to horse riding.

If the parents are saying that their DD can't do a party on Sunday (do they forbid her going to people's houses to play on Sundays, too?) it may be that they have decided to make Sunday a 'family day'. But that's their decision, not church doctrine.

Is there any chance that an activity you're planning could be the real 'problem' rather than just the day of the week? Have they actually said she can't do Sundays because of church doctrine?

As far as the caffeine thing, 'I don't know' is an acceptable answer, especially when it comes to other's religious beliefs. Better to give no answer than the wrong one.

mummyhaschangedhername · 02/01/2018 15:17

Exmormon, I totally agree with the amount of hypocrisy regarding the world of wisdom in some cases, like I say, often members seem to totally ignore say healthy sleep aspects while stating they live it due to not drinking alcohol. It's a bizarre one really.

As for parties on a Sunday, I was born into the church, 34 years of it and can't remember one party on a Sunday. I know members who would and do attend others parties though. I think it's fairly individual, no one is held to court if they attended or even held a party, there is nothing written about it. Other than "keep the sabbath day holy" and we all just decide what that means.

I'm actually inactive/less active myself currently and there are many aspect that I really hate but I still believe.

EastMidsMummy · 02/01/2018 15:26

Why does anyone believe this obvious hooey?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/01/2018 15:28

Why are so many of you confused about who the OP is explaining to? She's probably trying to explain things to her son about why his friend is able/allowed to do some things and not others.
I have had to do similar for my son who is only just 10 because he has friends who are JWs and SDAs. I explain to the best of my abilities and understanding why their beliefs lead them to do some things differently. He also has a Muslim friend (we're in semi-rural Australia so this isn't that usual) and we've had discussions about some of the points of Muslim belief as well.
As the OP said, it's to prevent the child asking the friend/friend's family themselves in what may be a very blunt fashion, as well as promoting understanding of different beliefs and cultures.

OP - have your party on the Sunday if that's the only day you can have it. It will be sad for your son and his best friend if his parents prevent him from coming, but as others have said, any day you pick he might be ill or have a prior commitment anyway, so just do what's best for you and your son.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 02/01/2018 15:33

Have the party to suit you.

Thetreesareallgone · 02/01/2018 15:41

The reason people are puzzled enough is because the OP makes out it's really hard and stressful to explain this stuff.

It's not. I have friends who are vegan or don't eat pork, or eat things we don't, and they know not to comment and just accept what people do and think of them when catering (so no pork sausages at birthday parties, for example).

It isn't a pain in the friendship. It's just a fact. If it has started to become a real burden, this suggests to me they are drifting apart which the OP says anyway, which is a whole other issue.

OP I think you have to be honest with yourself about how much you want to continue this friendship or just let it slide a bit. Don't make it all about a party though, which is really neither here nor there (just put it when you want and invite them with the caveat you know they might not be able to attend).

Firsttimemum777 · 02/01/2018 15:53

Surely the birthday party should be organised near the date of the actual birthday? If the only day available is a Sunday, I would arrange for then. Just explain it was the only available day. I used to be a Mormon growing up and their ‘rules’ are very strict and restrictive. If they want to stop their daughter from going to her best friends party as a one off just because it’s a Sunday, that’s their problem - and poor child.

00100001 · 02/01/2018 16:08

thumbwitches

"Why are so many of you confused about who the OP is explaining to? She's probably trying to explain things to her son about why his friend is able/allowed to do some things and not others."

HOW is it hard to explain it though? "Oh so and so doesn't drink tea and coffee. He's not allowed"

end of flipping explanation.

And if 8yo for some bizarre reason finds out that its because of caffeine... and then, using his knowledge of caffeine in chocolate, bothers to go on and persevere in asking "Why can't they have tea,but can eat chocolate? That has caffeine in it"

surely the answer is just "Hmm, good question DS. I don't know the answer. Perhaps you can ask the parents next time"

It's not like the 8yo is asking some deep existential question... Confused

00100001 · 02/01/2018 16:09

This whole thing just feels like a ginormous dig at Mormons.

BarbarianMum · 02/01/2018 16:14

It does, doesn't it. It's also really weird that one 8 year old is so puzzled by another 8 year old not drinking tea or coffee. He'll be wanting to know why his friend doesn't drink beer or indulge in pre-marital sex next. Then what will the OP say? Hmm

squoosh · 02/01/2018 16:16

I'm not a Mormon but I don't drink tea or coffee. It leads to very dramatic exchanges

'squoosh, would you like a cup of tea or coffee?'
'No thanks but could I have a glass of water?'
'Sure'

Non.stop.drama.

cathycake · 02/01/2018 16:18

Agree with the two posters above .. this thread seems to be a dig at the Mormons beliefs.

PantPlot · 02/01/2018 16:20

I don't know. It must be a whole can of worms when all the other 8 year olds are kicking back with their lattes and double espressos and one of them can't partake. Awkward as fuck.

squoosh · 02/01/2018 16:25

And when the espresso martinis are served to the kids alongside the slices of birthday cake....awkwardness!

PantPlot · 02/01/2018 16:45

Sorry kids, the tiramisu is off the menu.

papayasareyum · 02/01/2018 16:55

How do Mormons compare with Plymouth brethren? We have a large PB community here and they pretty much socialise exclusively within their own community and even have their own school too.

Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 17:21

It's not a dig at Mormons, the same could be applied to any belief that affects me and is illogical to explain.

So everyone else's kids just ask on question then no more Hmm

OP posts:
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 17:21

One

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 02/01/2018 17:39

...as opposed to all the religious beliefs you have to explain that are so, so logical? Grin

When I was 9 I used to grill a very nice Baptist lady about how exactly Noah collected two of each animal onto the ark and kept them fed (on what?) during the flood. Also, if Jesus was such a nice guy why did he curse the olive tree? She was the first to explain to me that even if you believe it's the interpretation that's important and that belief kind of smooths over the gaps in the logic.

Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 17:44

Ha fair enough, but it's much easier to say a cow is sacred than explain that someone can't have tea but can have a red bull or hot chocolate.

From many posters here it seems to be personal choice as to how they interpret it, that does make it even more confusing for an outsider.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 02/01/2018 17:49

Ok, let's try it.

Mormons can't drink tea or coffee because it's forbidden by their religion.

Now you explain to me why cows are sacred.

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