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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To arrange a party for a Sunday as it means the morman best friend can't attend?

148 replies

Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 13:41

Just that really. Struggling to find a date that we and the place can all do. Would you consider the best friend vital?

I already have a hard enough time trying to explain why their family can't have tea or coffee due to caffeine but are fine with chocolate and coke. I don't have anything against them they seem nice, but it's already hard enough as it is trying to get a date that suits all.

OP posts:
Thetreesareallgone · 02/01/2018 17:51

It is either a big deal or it isn't to explain these things.

I just say they don't eat pork, their religion thinks it's an unclean meat (or whatever).

It's fine for children to ask more questions, but not if it is in the spirit of 'how weird' 'why are they different'.

Not drinking tea or coffee is hardly a big deal, my mum doesn't but not for religious reasons, she just doesn't like it (but does like chocolate!)

classicchristmas · 02/01/2018 17:52

leatcake I am with you on the questions. Mine wouldn't be happy with just a flat 'they don't drink whatever' why would be the next question, one of my DC's would be intrigued (the other one wouldn't give a hoot)

00100001 · 02/01/2018 17:55

But, it just isn't a big deal... How many times has your son questioned the tea and coffee thing?? Confused

I'm impressed your 8 year old is aware of caffeine being in chocolate!

Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 17:59

Exactly if they hear they can't have two drinks mine wil (have)l ask why not those particular two drinks. I think religious people are getting defensive taking this as an anti post. When a religion is interpreted many different ways it's difficult to explain it. It's easy to rationalise why many indians don't eat cows and go into the backstory. Less so with other things.

You can't win if I didn't offer any response then I would be flamed on mn for being a bad parent that isn't educating my children Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 18:03

Tea and coffee is just an example, the morman religion has come up in conversation many times.

I'm not saying it's huge deal, just trying to organise a party.

No one has answered me if the Saturday play date would be welcomed / offensive.

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 02/01/2018 18:09

It's tannin not caffeine that is the issue.

Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 18:26

I don't want to be offensive, but so many moreman sites contract themselves. Sometimes its caffeine as to keep the body pure, other times it's all hot drinks, now it's this compound that seems to be in pomegranates, chickpeas and chocolate. Where is the consistency?

OP posts:
TheBananaStand2 · 02/01/2018 18:29

It’s “Mormon”

DivisionBelle · 02/01/2018 18:40

Ask his Mum if he would come in a Sunday.
It might be fine.
And honestly, unless you were really going to serve the children tea, coffee, chick peas (hoummous, maybe) and pomegranates, stop worrying about the food.

If the child can’t come on a Sunday, then invite them on the Saturday before, for tea. It will be fine.

LML83 · 02/01/2018 18:41

i would invite the bf. If/ When they RSVP no say

'thats a shame dc will be disappointed, would he like to come on Saturday for a play instead?'

I don't know how that could be offensive...hopefully.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/01/2018 18:47

Also calling bullshit on an 8yr old questioning the inconsistency about chocolate also containing caffeine.
Op it's clearly you who has a problem with understanding their beliefs. Which is fine but don't blame your dc.

Original poster
Ieatcake · 02/01/2018 18:53

Ok will try that route thanks Smile

This thread has made me think I must have a geniusGrin, or does no one else tell a child they can't have chocolate and cola in the evening due to the caffeine Shock

OP posts:
00100001 · 02/01/2018 18:56

Why would you deny a child chocolate???

lalalalyra · 02/01/2018 18:57

Yes could totally do something the day before, would the family be thankful or offended by this?

Why not just have the party then?

As a child having your best friend at your birthday celebration is pretty important.

ClaudiaD13 · 02/01/2018 18:59

I'm Mormon, I have never been to or held a party on a Sunday. As a child I was well used to not attending friends birthday parties. I was never upset as I recognised my beliefs are not the same as my friends.

I would not be offended if a play date was offered on a Saturday instead. Far from it, I'd be touched that my beliefs had been considered.

I don't get why the tea/coffee thing is such a big deal. Conversations usually go something along the lines of,

Them: Would you like tea or coffee?

Me: No thank you

Them: Ok

(I was also brought up not drinking coke/Pepsi type drinks either.)

Like any religion people practice to varying degrees according to their own personal beliefs, I think that this can look like hypocrisy, but really I think most people like everyone else are trying to live their life in the best way they can.

TowerRavenSeven · 02/01/2018 19:00

It's not the caffeine it's that coffee and tea are 'hot drinks'. They cannot have hot drinks. I live in Utah! Not sure about iced tea and coffee though!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 02/01/2018 19:00

Yeah I discuss the compounds in pomegranates and chickpeas with my 18 month old as well. Doesn't everyone?

LML83 · 02/01/2018 19:29

dont assume what they can/can't eat and drink as previous posters have said people practice to varying degrees.

I would ask if any dietary requirements in general but I am sure they are very used to responding to party invites. It is nice you are trying to be considerate but probably easier to let them come to you.

mummyhaschangedhername · 02/01/2018 19:29

OP you really are hung up on the caffeine thing. I'm not sure how many times it can be said it's not about caffeine. The word of wisdom itself says nothing about caffeine, it says hot drinks and that was later explained as tea and coffee.

The Pepsi/coke thing isn't really related. There was someone high up in the church that stated in the 80s not to drink it so many of us grew up nor drinking it, me included, but that's pretty much gone by the way and most do drink it now and was never a commandment. I think at some point people got the idea that it was caffeine due to not drinking those drinks ... but that was never the case and coke was never doctrine, it was more a, " this isn't good for you" statement.

MyDcAreMarvel · 02/01/2018 19:30

"Or does no one else tell a child they can't have chocolate and cola in the evening due to the caffeine shock"
No , because the amount is small.

SD1978 · 02/01/2018 21:11

As a Mormon. And not brain washed, it’s specific to tea and coffee, not caffeine. Also have and would attend a party on a Sunday, there isnt a religious restriction not to. The tea/ coffee thing doesn’t come up. If offered, the answer is I thanks, I’m ok- have never had to explain why it been asked to explain why. The choice is ultimately yours/ have your child’s party when you want. If someone can’t attend or chooses not to, then that’s their choice. I wouldn’t move my child’s party by a month to fit in with one child. Would instead organise a play date around the same time if the kids specifically wanted a birthday treat with the BF.

TabbyTigger · 02/01/2018 21:27

OP you really are hung up on the caffeine thing.

I don’t think it’s OP who’s hung up. She mentioned it in her OP and has only had to discuss it countless times because subsequent posters have decided to hone in on it and make a fuss...

FWIW my 5 year old asks streams and streams of questions too, and I know lots of kids who do. I watched “Oliver” with her the other day and we had “why isnt he giving the man any pennies?” “Why doesn’t he have any pennies?” “Why can’t he get some pennies?” “Why can’t little boys get lots of pennies?” etc. Then we started on orphans... then bad guys and good guys... then dogs... then singing... and dancing... and props...

He11y · 02/01/2018 23:22

Book it for the most suitable day and have the best friend over on a different day to make up for him not being there.

As for the tea and coffee - I don’t think it’s offensive for your son to ask them why they don’t drink tea and coffee but do have cola and chocolate as long as he’s polite about it. Most parents would just answer their child’s friend honestly and without fuss in my experience.

classicchristmas · 03/01/2018 12:20

I must admit I am intrigued as to why Mormons can't drink hot drinks Confused.

What is it about any religion with their crazy rules - I say that as a Catholic - bonkers all of it, who decides?

Original poster
Ieatcake · 03/01/2018 12:37

Thanks, I'm not hung up on tea or coffee but if you Google it plenty of morman sites say it's because of caffeine.

I do find it fascinating. Next time i see the parent as the school gates I just want to ask if sun tea is ok?

I've been inside their kitchen and they have the same vanilla extract that I use that contains some alcohol. Is that ok in small amounts?

I just want to question religious people, I've already been banned from a Bali Facebook group for asking questions.

Do religious people have a better recovery from cancer?

That scientist that beleives in creationism thread on here was very interesting, but bonkers.

OP posts: