To let the kids "starve"!

[Wilberforce2]

Ds 9 and Dd 3.5 both have form for not eating dinner, frequent moans of "but I don't like it" can be heard coming from my kitchen at least 5 times a week. I'm sick of it now, ds is the worst and Dd eats much better if ds isn't here (at football or a friends etc) so she has definitely picked it up from him.

Anyway earlier today I cooked a lovely (in my opinion!) lamb roast with everything that they like and only gave them peas and carrots as they are veg that they will both eat but they barely touched it. Dd said she wasn't hungry and ds said he didn't really like it (he has had it a thousand times before), so I'd had enough and told them both to leave the table and that there would be no more food until breakfast tomorrow.

Ds currently just stamped up the stairs in a strop because he is "starving to death" and Dd is intermittently crying because she wants a lolly from the freezer. Dh is close to caving in and giving them toast or fruit but I say we keep going and they can go to bed bloody hungry because I'm fed up with them!!

So AIBU to let them "starve" at least until 7am tomorrow?

I'd probably let them have toast but that would be as generous as I'd get. Definitely no lollies.

Due to her age,dd wants to eat she should eat dinner not a lolly and not toast / fruit. Your son shouldn’t get the opportunity to change his mind - sounds like his food refusal is a form of attention seeking and he needs the opportunity to feel hungry.

In our house the mantra is "eat it or don't eat it, but there is nothing else. Will your tummy be happy until... (Insert next meal)

Quite often they quietly change their mind .

I'd allow fruit personally but no yanbu if you know they like it.

9year old yes, 3.5 year old more problematic. Give them the roast dinner back (close as poss) and see if they will eat it now. Certainly no sweets or treats .

If they're hungry, they get dinner reheated. If they're not that hungry, they don't get anything. They definitely don't get lollies. They'll be fine for one night, if they're going to be that stubborn.

It's not going to do them any harm for one night but I would be discussing with DH what your strategy is going forward that you are both in agreement with.

And then tell your DS what the new 'rules' are so it's not sprung them in the heat of the moment.

Been having this a lot lately.

Keep their dinner to one side and reheat.

Worst case some toast and a drink before bed.

We’re almost back on track with eating dinner at dinner time now. DD quickly picked up on the fact that she either eats it then or gets it back later on.

I'm afraid I would let them "starve". As long as you are happy that what you offered was something they liked/had previously eaten. And I would tell DS that if he is starving, he is welcome to eat his reheated meal (assuming you have saved it).

Nope, they won't starve without dinner for one night, but they will learn a valuable lesson.

I wouldn’t give them a snack, but I would give them the option of heating up a portion of the lamb dinner if they are hungry.

I'd give them nothing. They'll be fine.

Stick to your guns. Being hungry for a few hours won't kill them and this needs to be nipped in the bud.

I'd say hungry people eat their dinners personally and stick to my guns. Esp when it was food you know they eat.

Leave it on the table in case they change their mind and after that just say cheerily that breakfast will be lovely.

And going forward say you do t need comments on the food. Just eat it or not as they want, but that is it until the next meal.

NBNB do NOT comment yourself either on the food or what they eat. Talk about other stuff. Praise the chef.

This strategy has worked v well for us.

Reheated dinner or a really healthy option like fruit. No way should they get toast.

I’d also keep the dinner and reheat it , particularly if it’s stuff that you know they will eat .

Have you tried asking your ds what he actually wants for dinner sometimes? They don't always want the same as us - and a lamb dinner would be rank if you're not a good cook/even worse to a 9yr old as it's very fatty and rich meat.

It's not a hill I'd die on and if you always make such a fuss then so will they.

"What do you want then, ds? And we'll cook it together" at 9 he should be able to make simple meals for himself anyway. Let him, within reason.

I would allow fruit, but absolutely no "treats" like lollies and biscuits. I would also have wrapped the food with the option of a reheat (where possible) later if they complained of hunger.

There are always two options for every meal in my house - eat what you are given or don’t eat what you are given. Only other option is fruit. I have occasionally given cheese cubes or a yogurt to the youngest one. My kids pretty much eat anything and everything now after a year of this when I lost the plot about wasted food.

Is your dd actually hungry or does she just want a lolly? Only because my dd is a similar age and she frequently refuses her evening meal, or eats the teeniest bit. She always has a smallish cup of milk at bedtime, but otherwise is fine till morning. She never complains that she’s hungry. I think it can sometimes seem to an adult as if they must be starving, but actually they just don’t need that much at that age.

I’d probably offer some fruit but nothing else.

@trinity - if all parents followed that rubbish advice then all kids would eat crap. At 9 op’s son needs to follow the rules of the household - if that means no alternatives to dinner that’s fine.

Have you tried asking your ds what he actually wants for dinner sometimes?

No, no, no, no, no! Don't start with that crap! What if the 3yo wants some different as well? OP then having to make three different meals. If I was allowed to pick my dinner at that age it would be constant pizza, chicken nuggest and chips.