To let the kids "starve"!

[Wilberforce2]

Ds 9 and Dd 3.5 both have form for not eating dinner, frequent moans of "but I don't like it" can be heard coming from my kitchen at least 5 times a week. I'm sick of it now, ds is the worst and Dd eats much better if ds isn't here (at football or a friends etc) so she has definitely picked it up from him.

Anyway earlier today I cooked a lovely (in my opinion!) lamb roast with everything that they like and only gave them peas and carrots as they are veg that they will both eat but they barely touched it. Dd said she wasn't hungry and ds said he didn't really like it (he has had it a thousand times before), so I'd had enough and told them both to leave the table and that there would be no more food until breakfast tomorrow.

Ds currently just stamped up the stairs in a strop because he is "starving to death" and Dd is intermittently crying because she wants a lolly from the freezer. Dh is close to caving in and giving them toast or fruit but I say we keep going and they can go to bed bloody hungry because I'm fed up with them!!

So AIBU to let them "starve" at least until 7am tomorrow?

We have made a mistake in not keeping their dinners to reheat so that is out of the question but will definitely do that next time. Glad to hear I'm not being completely unreasonable and hey are far from starving, they have had breakfast, lunch and a couple of snacks today.

We have just told them that this is going to happen all of the time now, no dinners eaten means nothing else until breakfast the following morning. Ds currently asking for cereal which is what he would eat every night if he had the chance 🙄

Dh is so soft I feel like I need to stand firm on this because it's becoming a joke.

We're a bit more relaxed if it's something that they haven't had before, but that's our rule. I wouldn't be giving them anything else to eat. Even at 3.5 dd is old enough imo to understand if they don't eat there's nothing else. I'm sure there's always something on the plate they 'like' anyway.

Next time save their leftovers and give it to them to eat later. This time you will have to give them something like toast but defo not lollies!

I agree with Trinity.

As adults we get a choice in what to eat so why shouldn't children. How would you like it as an adult to get a meal plonked in front of you that you might not necessarily like or even fancy that evening.

Surely giving children a choice is a better way to do it? DS1 is 13 and has been helping me with choosing meals etc since he was about 8 and now DS2 who is 7 helps as well. And no we don't eat pizza and chips every night.

Am I bad person becuase I’d be telling him that if he was starving to death he’d have no energy to stomp, and her that lollies are only for children who eat their dinners without making a fuss?

Trinity there is no way I will be asking ds what he wants for dinner I'm sorry! He would be living on pizza, cereal or spaghetti bolognese!

I never ever expect them to eat something I know they genuinely dislike, my Mum used to give me food I actually hated so I've always sworn I would never do that.

They both like all the main elements of a roast dinner and both eat all meat so there was no actual problem with the dinner it's just that ds would prefer pizza or cereal and dd is I think just copying. She will have a cup of warm milk before bed as she always does I won't be banning that!

They won't starve.
But most of MN will suggest fruit and yoghurt (or toast) instead.
Ridiculous.

I don't see what's wrong with asking what they'd like. At that age I would have answered lasagna. DS1 would say chicken casserole. And DS2 lentil soup....

Lamb can be very rich and fatty.

If it was a meal they would usually eat I wouldn’t offer an alternative other than a glass of milk. If it wasn’t something you knew they would like I would offer a banana and a glass of milk.

But I have been told I am as hard as nails.

I’d probably give a choice of 2 options both of which were healthy, rather than an open choice if it was one child. With 2 children I’m not sure it wouldn’t make matters worse.

I would Ben firm if you can and send them to bed with nothing else except a cup of milk and give them a good breakfast in the morning. Difficult to do that though I know when they are begging for food! My son is 8 and does this sometimes which is so annoying. But Ive worked out that If he 'helps' me make something e.g. Spam Bol or chilli etc he will eat it. He thinks he has made it and therefore loves it. If he doesn't help me with it he's likely to leave it. Benefit is he can now cook ( with help) a variety of meals and we don't have the 'I don't like it' argument as often. Worth a try in future maybe. But for now, you have my sympathy. It's hard.

they could get dinner reheated or have it for breakfast.

My mother used to do that and I’d probably do the same if DDs behaved like this.

I think if its food they definitely like and have enjoyed previously, you are right to persist. My eldest was a notoriously fussy eater and have a genuine phobia of new foods, so usually I advise a bit of leniency. However, it does sound as if it has become a battle of wills, and you need to stand firm. I would however probably offer a choice of 2 sensible meals, would you like lamb roast or chicken casserole tonight? To give them a bit of control over it.

Ds has his night to choose dinner and that is a Tuesday because he has football training until 7.30pm and Dh is out playing his sport so it's only ds and dd to cook for. He always chooses pizza, nuggets or bolognese, the rest of the time he can eat what we are all eating which is always stuff that he likes maybe with a bit of tweaking here or there for bits we like but he doesn't. There is no way he is getting to choose every night!

Spag Bol. Not spam Bol. That would be disgusting! Stupid phone.

We have also have the rule that yhey can eat it, but if they don't want to eat it or eat very little they know that there isn't anything until the next day.
My son is a fussy eater and really packs it in at lunchtime so he doesn't eat a lot at tea time for example.
My difficulty is pudding and whether yoghurt and fruit for example is pudding and should be denied or served at the same time as the meal as some websites suggest...

But yes, there’s nothing wrong with asking what they like.

As long as it’s just occasionally and not every evening...

How would you like it as an adult to get a meal plonked in front of you that you might not necessarily like or even fancy that evening.

Pretty happy. Especially if someone were to plonk breakfast infront of me as well.

I was surprised at spam bol!

I would give fruit, yogurt or cereal at least before bed. My dd went through a phase of refusing to eat her tea and had such low blood sugar by the morning (could barely wake up) I was told to call the paramedics the next time it happened.

We usually give dd the choice of what she’d like for meals, except packed lunches where there’s usually only one option in the house. She still doesn’t eat it though. So she “starves”, (or actually, is perfectly fine until morning).

I’m not sure I’d start doing that at 9 though, if he’s already quite picky and would pick pizza every night... I think it totally depends on the child / family.

Sorry - what do you mean adults have a choice?

I'm the main shopper / cook in our house and when I ask on a monday what people would like to eat on Thursday - I don't get many polite / useful answers so I choose. so on Thursday you get served what I decided to buy on monday. don't like it - shame.
I'm not running a cafe - as my Mum used to say, for children or adults.
Asking what children would like to eat is fine if you have a full fridge and know they will automatically choose a varied health diet. Foe a 9 yr old and a 3.5 - no chance.

My DD at 18 has just discovered toast apparently this morning. brown toast with seeds or fruit. I've only been trying to get her to eat this for 17 yrs.........

She did go to A&E on one occasion.

Yes, eat it or leave it, there's nothing else.