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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my kids back??

379 replies

RoseNarene · 01/01/2018 16:44

Just before Christmas my ex and I agreed at court to a child arrangement order whereby the kids (5 and 1) live with me roughly 65% of the time. The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January.

He has taken them to a holiday home in Wales and is demanding that I make the 5 hour journey to collect them on the 2nd. If I can't then he will bring them back on the 4th.

It may only seem like a couple of days but they have already been away from me for 7 days and my baby is only 1. This is all about control for him. He isn't technically breaking the court order because it says I have to collect them but it doesn't state a location, but we live 10 minutes from each other so the assumption would naturally be that I collect from his house.

What do I do?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/01/2018 21:26

Thanks give him enough rope and he'll hang himself - he's already started tbh.

Linzilou1985 · 02/01/2018 21:40

Oh Rose what an absolute bastard he is! My ex is also like this, the fact that the police wouldn't do anything is worrying as that's always been my insurance.

I really hope you get them back tomorrow with no issues, good luck in your new job! Thanks

Also, if you wouldn't mind putting my ex's name in your book and have him tortured, I'd be very grateful Grin

EskiVodkaCranberry · 02/01/2018 21:41

Worth emailing the school and explaining the situation, if you both have parental responsibility he can pick them up etc but if you explain the situation and say maybe your daughter might be feeling a bit fragile it will give them a heads up to look out for her, I know you're a teacher so this might be blindingly obvious to you. The police are slightly tied re child contact as it's private law however not tied at all if you're reporting domestic abuse, which this is. He doesn't need to hit you to be abusing you. Thanks stay strong, deep breaths and gather your army

Parkingwarssaga · 02/01/2018 21:43

Does he know about your new job?
It is possible he is trying to disrupt that. Don't let him.

stressedoutfred · 02/01/2018 22:05

What a twonk. Hope you get them back ASAP op

LittlePaintBox · 02/01/2018 22:39

A friend of mine was left by her husband for another woman. He then proceeded to make every single thing as difficult as possible for her - their financial settlement took ages because he fought every single little detail of it. He was habitually late paying the kids' maintenance, and used to keep the clothes she sent them to his house in, so she was constantly having to chase up things like their wellies etc. He also didn't turn up at court a couple of times to delay the settlement for as long as he could. It just seemed like a long power trip to me.

You've been incredibly strong, OP, well done. It's worth getting the details nailed down legally. Your ex sounds like nasty, controlling bastard and this sounds like the thin end of the wedge.

Tinkie25 · 03/01/2018 06:10

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow. 💐

LannieDuck · 03/01/2018 08:06

Good luck with the new job :)

youarenotkiddingme · 03/01/2018 08:33

Good luck in new job

facedontfit · 03/01/2018 08:37

Rooting for you. Good luck with the new job. 👍🏻

Your ex is an arse.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 03/01/2018 08:40

Good luck for today.

rainbowduck · 03/01/2018 08:42

Did you get them back? (I have to be honest, I don't understand why you just didn't go and get them in the first place.)

AncoraAmarena · 03/01/2018 09:03

@rainbowduck Have you read the full thread?? The part where the OP clearly says she can't do a 10 hour round trip, can't afford a hotel room to break up the trip and can barely afford the petrol? The parts about the ex's controlling and coercive behaviour? About how she's starting a new job? None of that? No?

What a fucking unhelpful snipey, nasty post. Hope you feel good about that. Hmm

MaggieFS · 03/01/2018 09:27

Steady on Ancora! I read PP as why not get them from ex's parents house which is only just over an hour away!

ohreallyohreallyoh · 03/01/2018 09:48

as why not get them from ex's parents house which is only just over an hour away!

Because when she got there, there would be another excuse. And then another. The only way you can fight these idiots is with absolute calmness and reason.

OP hope the job goes well today. You don’t need this shit it infortumately, it is likely to get worse before it gets better. Do confide in your HOD what is going on. Stay strong.

tattyheadsmum · 03/01/2018 09:51

Good luck with the new job. If your unflappability on this thread is anything to go by, you'll be great.

Oh, and your ex is a total douche.

AncoraAmarena · 03/01/2018 09:59

@MaggieFS she said 'in the first place'

' I don't understand why you just didn't go and get them in the first place.'

So not from the parent's house (and again, as ohreally says, there would be another excuse, more abuse etc etc if she did do that).

I won't 'steady on', thanks very much. It is plainly obvious that the reference was to not going to collect the children from Wales.

And I agree that the calm manner that the OP has dealt with this is a real credit to her. Which is why snide comments like that piss me off no end.

Natsku · 03/01/2018 10:19

Hope you get your girls back today without further issues OP, you are handling this very well, in the end all this shit he's pulling will backfire on him so keep that thought in mind while you get through this.

MaggieFS · 03/01/2018 10:29

Ah well, I must book an optician's appointment then as it wasn't plainly obvious to me.

rainbowduck · 03/01/2018 10:53

Yes, I have read the full thread, and yes, I meant from the parents... no sniping, no judgement, just an honest thought because I genuinely don't understand.

But thanks for that Ancora...

octonaught · 03/01/2018 13:29

The professional consensus (op'sbarrister) was to stick to the judgement. 6pm at exp's house

Op, hope first day at work has gone well & you will have your girls back very soon.

wibblywobblywoo · 03/01/2018 15:56

I am in awe of you OP, genuinely. You have stayed sensible (I won't say calm cos I doubt that was ever possible against such idiocy) you have made mature choices rather than emotional ones and you have risen far above your twatty spouse's monumental douchebagness.

Hope your first day at the new job went well and hope you and your girls have lovely evening together and back to normality in all ways.

Stay strong OP, the future is yours for the making. Onwards and upwards! Flowers

RandomMess · 03/01/2018 17:06

Hope you have them now he's a nasty piece of work Thanks

FilthyforFirth · 03/01/2018 17:27

Hope you've got your girls back OP. You have dealt with this horrible situation so well.

hidinginthenightgarden · 03/01/2018 18:20

Hope you have your girls back OP.

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