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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to want my kids back??

379 replies

RoseNarene · 01/01/2018 16:44

Just before Christmas my ex and I agreed at court to a child arrangement order whereby the kids (5 and 1) live with me roughly 65% of the time. The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January.

He has taken them to a holiday home in Wales and is demanding that I make the 5 hour journey to collect them on the 2nd. If I can't then he will bring them back on the 4th.

It may only seem like a couple of days but they have already been away from me for 7 days and my baby is only 1. This is all about control for him. He isn't technically breaking the court order because it says I have to collect them but it doesn't state a location, but we live 10 minutes from each other so the assumption would naturally be that I collect from his house.

What do I do?

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 02/01/2018 19:55

Op ignore the dramatic go get the kids now advice.not helpful.at all
You’ve done nothing wrong,nor do you need to justify your actions

MrsPringles · 02/01/2018 19:56

Oh wow. Op, he’s an absolute tool Shock

How you’ve not gone and drop kicked him in the face I don’t know, you’re a better person than me.

FrivolouslyFancifulFannie · 02/01/2018 19:57

hes lost control of you so now he is using the kids to control you

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 02/01/2018 19:59

Does he know you’re starting a new job tomorrow? What that be a reason for all this twattery?

youarenotkiddingme · 02/01/2018 20:00

I would make sure you text him and have it in writing that you haven't travelled to his parents to collect them as you cannot trust he will be there as he wasn't at the collection point specified by the court at the time specified by the court.

kaytee87 · 02/01/2018 20:00

They're not meant to be anywhere in particular tomorrow, but tomorrow was meant to be my day with them, although I'm at work. I was meant to have this evening too obviously.

I meant who is meant to be looking after them while you're at work tomorrow.

FrivolouslyFancifulFannie · 02/01/2018 20:01

of they ask why you didnt go to his parents say you went to the arranged place of collection, you were unwilling to drive a further hour to his parents as your felt if you said this he could then drive the Dcs back to his home address, its past their bedtime, he says they are already upset as they think you have abandoned them, you felt the easiest solution was to just log it and go through the courts to stop the charade.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 02/01/2018 20:03

You didn’t travel to his parents because it would add on am extra hour to DC’a bedtime. You driving for an hour there, getting them in, then an an hour back.

Mix56 · 02/01/2018 20:06

PP is correct, if you had driven to his parents, he could have been driving home. he is playing a game.
It is not for you to travel across the country to pick them up, if you start he will mess about every time.
Straight back to court.

storminabuttercup · 02/01/2018 20:07

Does he know you are starting a new job tomorrow? Sounds like he could very well be trying to mess that up for you by causing this upset.
Utter cock

DarkPeakScouter · 02/01/2018 20:08

I’d drive there and get them

Original poster
RoseNarene · 02/01/2018 20:10

My parents were looking after them. I live with them as my ex is occupying my house.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 02/01/2018 20:11

Op has said it’s not viable traipsing to Wales.he is in breach of order, and playing manipulative games
Fortunately op has sought legal and police advice
I’d advise Retain all his texts etc. Keep composed

Original poster
RoseNarene · 02/01/2018 20:12

I think the reason for the twattery is probably this, amongst other standard reasons like wanting to hurt me and control me because I saw the light and left him.

He is meant to have Wednesday overnights. He thought this Wednesday was one of those, but I corrected him and informed him that since Wednesday is a school holiday, it's mine, as his school holiday time ended Tuesday at 6pm. He wasn't very happy about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoseNarene · 02/01/2018 20:12

And yes he does know I'm starting a new job tomorrow.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 02/01/2018 20:12

I would try to insist on him allowing your parents to collect them in the morning. He's being ridiculous.

SparklyUnicornTractors · 02/01/2018 20:13

I'd also be concerned that if OP goes to his house now to ask for the kids, there's nothing to stop him saying no and furthering the control and drama, with the poor kids being witness to it all. OP has professional advice which is the best to follow, handholding here as needed. Flowers

Badhairday1001 · 02/01/2018 20:14

Rose this must be horrible for you. I think you have done the right thing, just make sure you send a text explaining that you were at the correct meeting place at the correct time and were unwilling to drive an hour to his parents as there was no guarantee that the children would be there. Then go straight back to court, don't engage in his mind games.
I hope your new job goes well tomorrow.

FrivolouslyFancifulFannie · 02/01/2018 20:15

how come he ended up with the family home?

Original poster
RoseNarene · 02/01/2018 20:15

Please please don't worry about court orders and child maintenance - he pays me maintenance and we have a court order that the girls stay with me around 70% of the time. I know he is flouting it at the moment but I know that I'm not in danger of being compliant and thus losing my kids because I have text messages, an email to my barrister and the police logs that all show how unhappy I am about it but feel trapped and don't want to upset the kids by dragging them out of bed or causing a scene or whatever. I won't be punished for putting the girls first like that.

OP posts:
NerNerNerNerBATMAN · 02/01/2018 20:16

Sorry you're going through this OP. I have to say I think you're handling it entirely appropriately Flowers

CountdowntoSanta · 02/01/2018 20:16

This is a tough time but you will get through it. Focus on getting ready for work tomorrow. Good luck I hope it goes well.

Your EXH sounds like a carbon copy of my EXH. Like a previous poster said, he can't get at you son he is using the kids to annoy you.

If at all possible, and you are being sorely tested, don't rise to the the bait. Stick with the legal channels.

He will be delighted to see you are rattled. Show a calm exterior.

Could you arrange for someone else to do the handovers?

Rachie1986 · 02/01/2018 20:19

Sorry to hear you haven't got them :-(. Hope everything is sorted tomorrow and then you can get back to court to sort it

Original poster
RoseNarene · 02/01/2018 20:19

The family home is in both our names and after we split we tried to both keep living there, taking it in turns so we didn't have to be there at the same time. But I had to leave because he was poisoning my daughter against me "why won't you forgive daddy" "daddy is so sorry and he loves you so much" "why can't we all live together any more" "daddy cries because you are nasty to him" etc... he also threatened to take them away.

So I took my girls and I left. He's made me a mediocre offer for my share of the equity. I'm in the process of applying for a financial order and have put a plan together as to why I should have a greater share. I took advice from a solicitor on this and I'm and English teacher so very capable, and I think the document is pretty damn convincing!!

OP posts:
Original poster
RoseNarene · 02/01/2018 20:20

I'm and English teacher

Ironic

OP posts:
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