AIBU to want my kids back??

[RoseNarene]

Just before Christmas my ex and I agreed at court to a child arrangement order whereby the kids (5 and 1) live with me roughly 65% of the time. The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January.

He has taken them to a holiday home in Wales and is demanding that I make the 5 hour journey to collect them on the 2nd. If I can't then he will bring them back on the 4th.

It may only seem like a couple of days but they have already been away from me for 7 days and my baby is only 1. This is all about control for him. He isn't technically breaking the court order because it says I have to collect them but it doesn't state a location, but we live 10 minutes from each other so the assumption would naturally be that I collect from his house.

What do I do?

Good advice to not get drawn into any kind of argument with him (or his parents) when he does come. The court order (which he is breaching, not you) is in place so you don't have to deal with him.

i would seriously consider what someone posted upthread about using a contact center for drop off and pick ups, he can hardly mess them about. You cant be expected to drop them and pick up in person after all this.

I have called the police and they have logged it; they won't go and get the children unless they believe them to be at risk, and tbh I don't want them to go through being dragged away, especially since they should both be in bed by now.

I told him to have them back at his home address by 7:30am tomorrow (I have to work at 8 so has to be that early) and he said no. He said he would be home at 10 but the only time the girls could be picked up was 6:30!!!! There is absolutely NO reason why that should be the case - he's just trying to keep them for as long as possible

What a bastard he is!!! Take the cunt back to court at the next opportunity

I said I could collect them at 4:30 after I finish work (he wouldn't say yes to my mum or anyone else collecting any earlier) and he said "hmmm ok" and won't explain why 6:30 was the only collection time he could do although he was returning at 10am. Nor did he say why after insisting on 6:30 he so easily changed to 4:30

Well he's made a complete twat of himself in a way he won't be able to cover up. Take him back to court, and point out that you're broke and only back because he's forced the issue.

I would pull a sickie but it's my first day, and I don't want him to be the cause of me messing up this job. It's the perfect job in the perfect school. I had to leave my last job because of him and the stress and misery he caused me

And yes I will take him back to court

Keep all his messages,be measured in your responses don’t be drawn by provocation
It’s not a police emergency and you know where the kids are
It’s good you’ve sought police and legal advice

Will the court ask why you didn’t just go and fetch them yourself on the 2nd? You don’t want to give that rotten shit any excuse to defend himself! Really really on your side here, hope you get more reliable handovers from now on.

Nasty piece of work
Hope you have your babies back soon.

Where were they meant to be tomorrow? At nursery? Can he not drop them there?

Is he playing funny buggers with the amount of nights he has them to reduce maintenance payments do you think?

I'd also email your Lawyer and log all today's events.. I'd never have conceded and allowed him to keep the girls again tonight... never .. he has now has your approval to keep them... it's no longer a breach...

This is not a nice question and I’m not accusing you of anything but - has anything happened since you both split that may have led him to believe that you are trying to keep the children from him?

He’s behaving like a massive wanker - either because he just is one or because he feels like you have done them same. It could be both technically but if he has form for being a wanker then it’s still that, regardless of what he “believes”.

OMG what a bell end your ex is you're doing amazingly well. You can do this

Op Id actually go and pick them up tonight.

I'd have gone and got them, I must admit. Are you sure it's not going to look bad OP that you haven't gone and got them regardless?

Considering the OP has acted very sensibly in discussing with Womens Aid, the Police (and her barrister, the police and barrister will be able to evidence that) she's going to have no difficulty whatsoever with a court seeing that he is being a twat for the sake of being a twat, and the OP is now forced into further negotiating to try and get the kids back.

OP don't put your job at risk. The job is a long term thing, it's stability. This is a temporary situation with an idiot that a court needs to deal with. Long game.

there must be someone anyway who would be willing to drive you round there ... I too would absolutely recommend you get the children back tonight ....

He's still living in the Family home.. if he has the kids he pays no maintenance... You do....

go get your kids Tonight.. PLEASE

They're not meant to be anywhere in particular tomorrow, but tomorrow was meant to be my day with them, although I'm at work. I was meant to have this evening too obviously.

If a court asked I would tell them the truth - if, upon finding them not at my ex's house, I had travelled to get them, firstly there's no guarantee he would have handed them over and we would have risked causing a scene, which I don't want for my kids, but also it takes so long to get there that they would have been tired and if he kept them up, the journey home would have been stressful and negative. Last time I collect my youngest from there she thoroughly objected to being strapped into a car seat for an hour and cried the whole way home, which was heart wrenching for the both of us. I am not keen to repeat that experience.

I agree don’t disrupt wrk.its a stabilising factor for you and the dc
Hope you get resolution via court

its emotional abuse and controlling, it needs to end so hopefully you can work out a way of having no contact with him but he gets to see the kids if thats what you want, its really horrible what he has done

i really think if everything is logged, the repeated attempts to collect the kids with him manipulating you and them then he has absolutely played into your hands

You really need this man out of your life, don't let him ruin your new job, if you know the kids are safe do it all legally tommorrow, you will be the one coming out of it looking sensible and balanced, he wont.

Unfortunately Gemini is right in that the courts will see it as you now agreeing to it. In my experience courts don't take much notice of non-resident parents breaching court orders anyway. However you should go back for a variation. At the very least have a minimum time frame by which contact has to be agreed (ie 14 days in advance) and detail time, date and location in writing then he can't just change the plans at the last minute. If contact isn't agreed it doesn't happen. Feel for you, it's shit isn't it?

OP.... your missing the point... the longer he has the Kids.. the less likely he will hand them back ... regardless of time tiredness and all that normal stuff.. his Mum and Dad will back his custody application by providing child care.. please go get them .. think long term

Trouble is, if the OP had left the twats home address, and drove to his parents, it's quite possible that he would have not been there and then claimed to have gone to his house to meet her.
She was right to be in the correct place at the correct time