AIBU to want my kids back??

[RoseNarene]

Just before Christmas my ex and I agreed at court to a child arrangement order whereby the kids (5 and 1) live with me roughly 65% of the time. The court order also stipulated Christmas arrangements as being shared 50/50, and were more specific for this Christmas - he was to have them from 9am Boxing Day and then I pick them up at 6pm on the 2nd January.

He has taken them to a holiday home in Wales and is demanding that I make the 5 hour journey to collect them on the 2nd. If I can't then he will bring them back on the 4th.

It may only seem like a couple of days but they have already been away from me for 7 days and my baby is only 1. This is all about control for him. He isn't technically breaking the court order because it says I have to collect them but it doesn't state a location, but we live 10 minutes from each other so the assumption would naturally be that I collect from his house.

What do I do?

Rose my respect is growing by the minute! Bravo with how you are managing despite this twat. Very best wishes for your first day tomorrow.

OP has handled this very well (considering what a twat her ex is being).
She's tried to comply with court order but has been thwarted by ex. He is daft enough to have committed all his errors into text messages.

Do you think he is actually at his parents? Or could he be in wales still which is why he won’t have them to his house by 7:30?

A bit late now but maybe in future if similar happens and he is not where he should be at the correct time it would be worth sending a text along the lines of ‘can you please let me know why you are not at the designated handover place at the correct time when this is in violation of the court order’ anything he then replies to that will be him fully admitting that he has knowingly breached the court order.

I really hope this is sorted for you op. It really sounds like you've been through it, its amazing how strong you've been. Your kids are lucky to have you.

Another one here saying drive the hour and get them. I am just concerned by not doing so you are effectively giving permission to what he will claim is a request.

Ive also dealt with his type. Court is the only way OP.

I have little girls. My heart goes out to you having to wait another day to have them in your arms.

He is a c*.

wow rose, im sorry you have had to put up with all of this, he is really something else. Hopefully by being calm and logical you can sort out the court order and somehow get the house back, its unbelievable really what he has done/is doing. Look after yourself and fight him all the way. Your kids will realise when they are older, they always do.

He is a complete low life for putting his own child through that. What a bastard. You are well rid. Can you access counselling to help you through this tough time? Some schools have access to Care call or Aspire I think it's called now.

They offer 6 free counselling sessions which can be done face to face or over the phone.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can deal with this and you will come out the other side. Even very young children can see right from wrong and they will know that you are the strong reliable parent.

Aspire are very good

Good luck with the new job!

Sparklyunicorn thank you, and thank you everyone. You've all been fantastic. I'm so glad I posted here!

I just miss my girlies

I'm trying to turn this evening into a positive and use my unexpected child free time to focus on a new novel I'm writing. Maybe I'll put in a character with my ex's name and make him die a horrible, slow, painful death...

Good idea rose! I'd look at using a contact centre as pp have suggested to avoid him doing this in the future.

Get your stuff ready for work,look out clothes you’ll feel confident in
Try make best of it
FWIW,I’m surprised no one has suggested you have a spa day or get highlights - usual mn panacea to any crisis

of course you do and i bet they are desperate to come home too, so so cruel of him to use them like this to beat you up emotionally

I’ve got very young children and have an emotionally abusive ex. We’re going through the courts at the moment and there are matters with the police too.
What you are going through is my greatest fear, but you have shown remarkable composure and perception in dealing with his disgraceful behaviour.
As much as I too would have been tempted to go and get the, i also think the more calm and stable you look the better. Leave the drama and histrionics to him.

I hope this time tomorrow this is a memory and you’ve mobilise court proceedings to kick his sorry, abusive arse into touch.

I’m thinking of you tonight and feel heartbroken for you too missing your little ones.

Cheering you on from the sidelines and hope you prevail in all your dealings with him

Think OP said he'd refused to allow her parents to collect full stop.

Best of luck for tomorrow Rose and congrats on the new job. You really are awesome (and I mean that in the true sense of the word, which you'll understand, being an English teacher!).

Best of luck for tomorrow

I told him to have them back at his home address by 7:30am tomorrow (I have to work at 8 so has to be that early) and he said no. He said he would be home at 10 but the only time the girls could be picked up was 6:30!!!! There is absolutely NO reason why that should be the case - he's just trying to keep them for as long as possible

Add message | Report | Message poster kaytee87 Tue 02-Jan-18 19:36:31
What a bastard he is!!! Take the cunt back to court at the next opportunity

Add message | Report | Message poster RoseNarene Tue 02-Jan-18 19:37:36
I said I could collect them at 4:30 after I finish work (he wouldn't say yes to my mum or anyone else collecting any earlier) and he said "hmmm ok" and won't explain why 6:30 was the only collection time he could do although he was returning at 10am. Nor did he say why after insisting on 6:30 he so easily changed to 4:30

you dont think all the above regarding times could be him setting something up, like an emergency so he needs to contact you at work repeatedly or to try and make you leave work. You said he caused problems in your last job and he knows tomorrow is the first day in a new job. I dont want to alarm you but is this possible given his form

good luck for tomorrow Rose

he may have won his twatty little battle tonight, but in doing so he will lose the war overall.

If he is too stupid to see that he is putting the nails in his own coffin then that's his problem.

Wishing you all the best. Yes, I think this prick is trying to mess up your new job, as well. Supervised contact and getting the finances sorted out would be useful next steps - and do your level best to treat him with calm contempt in every interaction you have to have.

i would maybe arrange with your mum to get them at 6.30 am, even if you get them in their night clothes, put them in your parents car and they take them then you go to work

I'm still convinced not collecting them tonight is a huge mistake OP sorry

I have nothing to add other than thank god your no longer in a relationship with the complete thundercunt