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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu unreasonable or is DH? Driving

502 replies

hooochycoo · 01/01/2018 08:06

Think I already know the answer to this but curious as to response.

This Christmas we've been visiting my family that live the other end of the country. We've two kids ( 6 and 9 ) who are average travellers. I don't drive.

The drive down was seven hours.

The drive back is six hours ( because we changed locations over Christmas and new year to relatives an hour closer to home)

While planning the way down DH and I had a massive argument because he said that 7 hours was too far to drive in one day. ( despite the fact he has regularly driven five or six) . We had to break the journey with a night in a hotel at £200 expense and lose a day of holiday with my family. While I acquiesced to this plan as he's doing the driving and therefore I had to, I disagreed. Apparently I was being unreasonable to voice this opinion though because since I don't drive I'm not allowed an opinion.

We're on our way back today now and we all had to be up at 6 am on New Year's Day , pack the car and say goodbye to relatives in the dark because DH wants to drive the 6 hours in one go to be back home for 1pm. This is because he's then meeting a friend at 2 pm to drive a further 4 hours to a two day party with his friends.

Apparently though this is completely different as it's a six hour drive not a seven. And his friend will do the majority of the four hour drive.

AIBU to think that he is being unreasonable and selfish? He's thinks I'm out of order and selfish for thinking this. Apparently I'm not allowed an opinion because I don't drive.

( btw- i think the answer is probably learn to drive. I haven't so far as I'm dyspraxic and it's very difficult for me, but I think I have to to prevent this kind of thing happening)

OP posts:
Youngmystery · 01/01/2018 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RavingRoo · 01/01/2018 14:51

I have moderate dyspraxia and it took years for me to learn, but I was determined and now do drive in an auto using audible rather than visual sat navs.

BusterGonad · 01/01/2018 14:56

Can I just add, some people find it very hard to get the hang of driver with or without disabilities, it took me well over a year and 2 different instructors. I ended up using my brothers instructor as he was very relaxed and also was trained in teaching people with learning and physical disabilities. I think driving is a very personal thing, that includes the learning process and actually driving itself!

Teufelsrad · 01/01/2018 14:56

You really know nothing about dyspraxia, Youngmystery. It can be a very real issue for people. It affects coordination, processing, ability to multi-task and a host of other issues. I live with it every day, and yes there are worse conditions but it causes me very real problems every single day of my life. Tasks that are seemingly simple for most are can be a real struggle for me and certainly require more thought and time. We're all different though and are affected differently so driving may be comparatively easy for some with dyspraxia, others will get there in the end, and for some it may never be achievable.

People who are paralysed can sometimes have tools and aids fitted to allow them to drive, such are the wonders of modern technology. It doesn't mean that it isn't challenging for them, but the tools may help them get there. (I don't know that it's still achievable for all though), but unfortunately I've yet to find a way to rewire my brain so that it behaves and processes information'normally'

rookiemere · 01/01/2018 15:15

I really dont think the OPs inability to drive is the key issue here and even if it was some people are being horribly judgemental in their comments. If we do a long car journey DH will invariably do all the driving as a) he prefers driving to being a passenger with me driving and b) hes a more confident drivers and generally a bit quicker than me.
As a passenger I do sometimes get a bit annoyed that DH controls all the stops, so once I was desperate for a wee and he refused to stop for quite a long distance.

I think the main issue with the update on the hotel provided is that OP saw the journey as a means to an end and wanted to get to her relatives asap, whereas DH saw it as the start of the holiday, hence the relaxed starting time and the luxury overnight stay. Neither view is wrong, but its still churlish of the DH to moan about driving down to OPs relatives when he's perfectly happy to make a longer overall drive for a jolly with his mates.

Original poster
hooochycoo · 01/01/2018 15:15

Dyspraxia is different in every person who has it. It's a spectrum
Condition.

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 01/01/2018 15:25

Youngmystery

You know you can keep trying to make us think you're right and it's never going to happen

Don't speak for me. You sound ignorant. I think OP is right, especially as her DH is now driving 7 and a hours himself without a stop in a hotel.

GColdtimer · 01/01/2018 15:30

Youngmystery you clearly know nothing about dyspraxia. And how can a 7 hour drive need an overnight stay when a 7.5 hour drive followed by a half share of a 4 hour drive be fine?

So many people totally missed the point here. TodYs journey is actually longer than the one before Christmas. It's the changing the rules to suit that's annoying.

Op my dd has dyspraxia, she is only 12 but I can totally see why it's a barrier for you.

Nothomealone · 01/01/2018 15:36

I see the rule changing is annoying for you but as you aren't sharing the driving you don't get to choose.
If you want to learn to drive using an automatic car might help you. Learning to drive is hard but is really worthwhile in the long run. Dyspraxia isn't going to help your driving but shouldn't stop you doing it either.

StripySocksAndDocs · 01/01/2018 15:36

Unfortunately OP you put this in AIBU which is a hunting ground for some, they seem to enjoy the bringing down the most. You'll be unreasonable no matter what for them.

Also don't speak for me Youngmystery. It's clear as day he was just doing what he wanted. Two long journeys, both the same but his ability to handle them declared as different. Only difference is what's at the end of it for him.

As I said up thread @hooochycoo sadly for you as you can't drive you can't really control the journeys.

Lizzie48 · 01/01/2018 15:38

A lot of posters are conveniently forgetting that the DH probably won't be doing much driving on the 'jolly with his mates'. He can nap/listen to music and have a laugh. That's very different.

Coconutspongexo · 01/01/2018 15:39

*Youngmystery

You know you can keep trying to make us think you're right and it's never going to happen.

Stop whining, unpack and book some driving lessons. Stop using dsypraxia as an excuse it's not. There are people out there half paralysed who can drive, you have no issues*

How rude are you?

Coconutspongexo · 01/01/2018 15:39

Bold fail Angry

GColdtimer · 01/01/2018 15:40

Lizzie he is driving 1.5 hours to meet them then sharing a 4 hour drive.

Cantuccit · 01/01/2018 15:42

Lizzie48

Alot of posters are conveniently forgetting that the DH probably won't be doing much driving on the 'jolly with his mates'. He can nap/listen to music and have a laugh. That's very different.

Yes but he'll be doing that AFTER he's driven 7.5 hours, Lizzie. That's the point you're conveniently forgetting.

tabbywabby · 01/01/2018 15:42

Just realised that actually his drive today is 7 1/2 hours plus 4 hours shared, as he's now got to drive 1 1/2 hours to meet his friend.
Yes, but he's had a long break in the middle of it.

I don't think he's being unreasonable. The way I see it is that for this holiday he had to do 13 hours of driving, and that lightening the total burden by breaking up one of the two drives is a reasonable compromise - and that it makes sense to do that by starting off your holiday with a leisurely drive and a nice mini-break that the children loved. Presumably he thought the stop at a spa hotel would be a nice thing for you too? I'd drive these distance for my family's holiday, but I can assure you my sense of humour would start to fail if I knew my partner was brewing this level of resentment over it and spoiling for a row.

Do try driving lessons in an automatic. I drive an automatic for the same reason I use an automatic washing machine and not a mangle Grin . There is a very bizarre attitude to automatic cars in this country.

BashStreetKid · 01/01/2018 15:43

You cannot compare the traffic even in Sydney to what you would get here.

Of course you can. Are you seriously trying to claim that the traffic in Sydney will always be better than the traffic anywhere in the UK? It's patently absurd.

And YoungMystery, you certainly don't speak for me either. You don't appear to have bothered to read the thread.

Cantuccit · 01/01/2018 15:44

Tabbywabby, what big break? He's driving to friend straight after dropping off OP home.

Cantuccit · 01/01/2018 15:46

Sorry, he's having a one hour break, but he could have had that to break up his 7hr drive to his PILs house.

Lizzie48 · 01/01/2018 15:46

I expect he'll do hardly any driving after arriving there.

If I was the OP, I wouldn't be too happy about being left alone with the kids just after a long journey, whilst my DH went partying, regardless of when we left my family

To be fair to the DH, though, they did spend a lot of time with her family over Christmas and New Year.

PUGaLUGS · 01/01/2018 15:46

Yabvu.

catx1606 · 01/01/2018 15:52

Was he working all week and did they icluded late nights? I ask because I would never expect my husband to start a long drive in the early morning without a good rest and some hung yo eat. If he has been working all week then he is quite reasonable to want to have a rest in the morning and eat something before he goes. At the end of the day, until you do tat journey, you will have no idea what it's like.

Cantuccit · 01/01/2018 15:53

I expect he'll do hardly any driving after arriving there.

Arriving where?

Lizzie48 · 01/01/2018 15:59

Meeting up with the friend. It's obvious he had to break the journey somewhere in order to get to the meet-up with his friend. He'll probably leave the rest of the driving to his friends afterwards.

I think the OP might be upset about him going out with his friends and leaving her with the kids?

tabbywabby · 01/01/2018 15:59

Tabbywabby, what big break? He's driving to friend straight after dropping off OP home.
Ahh, I missed that he was going straight there after dropping everyone. Well, in that case he's a twat for endangering people by not taking sufficient breaks. It just makes me think he should have broken up both journeys though, not made both straight through.