Aibu unreasonable or is DH? Driving

[hooochycoo]

Think I already know the answer to this but curious as to response.

This Christmas we've been visiting my family that live the other end of the country. We've two kids ( 6 and 9 ) who are average travellers. I don't drive.

The drive down was seven hours.

The drive back is six hours ( because we changed locations over Christmas and new year to relatives an hour closer to home)

While planning the way down DH and I had a massive argument because he said that 7 hours was too far to drive in one day. ( despite the fact he has regularly driven five or six) . We had to break the journey with a night in a hotel at £200 expense and lose a day of holiday with my family. While I acquiesced to this plan as he's doing the driving and therefore I had to, I disagreed. Apparently I was being unreasonable to voice this opinion though because since I don't drive I'm not allowed an opinion.

We're on our way back today now and we all had to be up at 6 am on New Year's Day , pack the car and say goodbye to relatives in the dark because DH wants to drive the 6 hours in one go to be back home for 1pm. This is because he's then meeting a friend at 2 pm to drive a further 4 hours to a two day party with his friends.

Apparently though this is completely different as it's a six hour drive not a seven. And his friend will do the majority of the four hour drive.

AIBU to think that he is being unreasonable and selfish? He's thinks I'm out of order and selfish for thinking this. Apparently I'm not allowed an opinion because I don't drive.

( btw- i think the answer is probably learn to drive. I haven't so far as I'm dyspraxic and it's very difficult for me, but I think I have to to prevent this kind of thing happening)

I disagree that 7 hours is so different from 6. They are both too long to drive in one go without considerable rest breaks. IMO, he was setting the goalposts to suit his plans.

7 hours is too long for most people. I understand that 6 hours doesn't seem much different to result in completely different attitude. (Especially as there's more driving after).

His differing attitude is a result of what is in it for him at the end of the journeys. He's mean on the party so happy to make the journey. For this YANBU.

However as you don't drive and so can't be in control (take the driving seat, litrally and figuratively) of how either journey is done this means you've no input so YABU. Hard luck I'm afraid.

Keen on not 'mean on'!!

I would learn to drive and pass the test to see the look on his doubting face.

YABVU. He's the driver so is the only person who can judge how long is too long. If you don't drive, you can have no idea how tiring this can be, especially if he's not particularly keen to get there. I'm guessing he wanted to be refreshed before facing your family. With regards to the drive home, well he has a positive incentive in going home and then meeting his friend.

If you don't like it, you know what you have to do - learn to drive.

He drives his rules (I don't drive)

we're almost home today. Left at 630am. Had a half hour stop. Will be back exactly on his schedule. He's pretty chipper.

It's not just the time in the car/driving. How is the traffic? Had he been working the day you drove down? Had he been working the week before?

I drive a lot and really can't see the significant difference between driving 7 hours and driving 6 and I agree that the hotel was unnecessary on the outward journey.

Either way, you're going to need 2 or 3 breaks during the journey, so you just break it into 3 or 4 sections of 1.5 to 2 hours each.

Yabvvu.
7 hours is too long to drive in one day with kids and a wife in the car.

I've driven that before, but its much easier when on my own as I can do what I want to and arrange things to suit me and my ability to drive. I can listen to my music, or a book on audible. I can stop for a coffee when I want to, not because my child has to. Its not about being selfish, its about being safe.

In your OP you say the kids are average travellers and then suddenly the 9 year old can dictate where to sit so they don't throw up in the back. I think the goalposts seem to be moving to make you seem to be the reasonable one when other poster's are suggesting you're not.

What family were you visiting when you state later your parents are sadly no longer with you. The traffic will also depend very much on the days you were travelling. Most people do tend to celebrate locally for NYE and not travel early due to hangovers etc sothe roads on NY Day would usually be clear first thing. Also his trip to the party (the extra 4 hours where someone else is driving) he'll be able to sleep in the car.

I just drove 5 hours for a funeral and 5 hours back the next day a few days before Christmas and it has completely wiped me out for the next few days.

It doesn’t matter what you think about this OP. You don’t drive so you should not have criticised either of his decisions. Nobody wants a back seat driver when they are doing these types of distances, and that’s why he was annoyed. As for the opinion itself, a 7 hour drive vs a 6 hour drive followed by a rest and his mate driving the rest is different. Also he’s the driver and so HE gets to decide what’s reasonable here and what’s not.

Haven't read evrrything but l think you are very unreasonable and actually sound totally ungrateful. Your dh went to your family for a week , drove everywhere and you complain about his plan. Seriously you are out of order.
I have a friend who has dyspraxia . She hates driving long distance but can manage the running around home. She did find it difficult to learn and was never quite comfortable driving, tiring easily and getting stressed.
Surely all the more reason to appreciate your dhs might efforts.

Far too long imo, hes driven down to see your family then back again and now is away with friends, is that what your pissed off about.

a journey of 9 hours as the only driver. My break was 45 mins on the eurotunnel

FFS. If you wouldn't brag about driving drunk, and if you wouldn't brag about texting while driving on the motorway then don't brag about an equally dangerous practice and think it's a badge of honour.

It's not big or clever to drive too long without a break. So many people think it's something to be proud of. It's not.

Every driver has different limits and for many children in car means a shorter limit than being on your own with your own choice of music. I'm also happier doing a longer pull on a motorway than on winding A-roads.

Not sure what family we were visiting ( siblings) makes to anything, and my kids are generally average travellers. Or not the best not the worst. A smattering of throwing up and fighting , a great deal of sleeping and I spy.

Anyway!

Happy new year!

tabbywabby couldn't agree more.

“I’m Laughing at all the 7 hours is too far in one day posts. I regularly drive about 3&1:2 hours to our head office spend the day in meetings and drive home again the same night. Tiring yes but not undoable.”

Well bully for you . I’m laughing at you for thinking everyone is like you

“Do all the people saying ‘7 hours is fine’ not have the imagination to realise people are different?”

Exactly NerrSnerr
Rhynswynd how many times does it have to be pointed out on this thread that driving in Australia is nothing like driving on our congested roads? It took us nine and a half hours to drive the 350 miles to Padstow on a Saturday in August due to accidents and congestion.

God luck with the lessons OP.

Australia is not all outback and open roads. We have congestion in our cities too. Public holidays and long weekends the interstate roads are busy too.

Op your husband sounds controlling.

Why such an expensive hotel though ?

We stayed for 3 nights in a premier inn over Christmas for less than £200? Even if we’d booked last minute, the rooms were less than £80.

Cutting the journey is fine , but you could have a weekend away for £200.

As the only driver in our family, I get to chose how we arrange travel when I’m expected to drive. If it’s a long drive, sometimes I will do it in one go, sometimes I will book a hotel half way. It really isn’t up for discussion as dp doesn’t drive so can’t carry any of the load.

In return I give up drinking on Christmas Day if we have to drive far the next day, same on New Years

I don't think he's been very reasonable about it at all, tbh.

Yes, 7h is a long drive in a day but if you start early, take a decent break in the middle and then carry on (3.5h, 1h or so lunch, then 3.5h), it is entirely do-able by one driver.

I drove myself from Glasgow to Oxford in one day - took 6h with a couple of 15 minutes stops. No one else in the car so no choice!

Truth is he didn't want to be helpful on the way up; but because he has a party to go on to when he gets back, he'll manage perfectly fine.

Does he get on ok with your family? Or does he begrudge time spent with them? Because that's the vibe I'm getting - he's reduced the time spent with them for relatively spurious reasons, given that he's quite happy to spend even longer in the car for his own reasons.

@nestle there are 64m people in the UK (which is the size of New South Wales) whereas there are what 28m at most in the whole of Australia. You cannot compare the traffic even in Sydney to what you would get here.

£200 hotel as he booked a nice one with a pool and spa in a nice place and wanted dinner in the hotel restaurant. Again not my choice. But it was nice, the kids loved it.