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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why would anyone do this?

450 replies

Puppyduppydoo · 31/12/2017 22:41

Name changed for this thread.

I’ve just had FB message from a complete stranger who maintains she has been having an affair with my husband. She hasn’t, the message was full of totally incorrect details including dates and times when I know he was with me.

They had connected on linked-in but have never met. Why would somebody do this, particularly on NYE?

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 03/01/2018 20:50

ok

RedDogsBeg · 03/01/2018 21:08

Ok Lash I believe OP did look into it enough to satisfy herself, she didn't share the minutiae of her 'detective' work and is under no obligation to do so. I believed her assertions, even with the limited details she provided, that she had investigated and was satisfied the woman was a liar why would I patronise her and insinuate she hadn't done enough digging?

The OP asked for reasons why someone would do this having already discounted, by dint of her own research, the having an affair option. Posters were asked what other options there could be but a number of them would not let the affair option be discounted.

Strange things do happen, there are some very odd people in the world. There are infamous trolls here on MN who spent years building up a backstory before they were outed so it is not a stretch to imagine someone doing that on any other site.

It seems the mystery is solved, it has not easily been discounted as there now seems to be Police involvement, action is being taken, that would indicate it is very far from being forgotten. Everything has been done that you seem to be advocating, the only thing that hasn't been done, which you seem to want, is the OP updating with everything she has done, what she found out, what else happened, how it escalated to Police involvement, etc., etc. The OP doesn't owe anyone on here any updates or explanations, we are not entitled to a conclusion.

PidgeonSpray · 03/01/2018 23:17

Does anyone else think that the police aren't really involved and the OP just couldn't be added with the grief of thia thread any more?? Confused

PidgeonSpray · 03/01/2018 23:18

*arsed

Jobjobjob · 04/01/2018 06:29

Does anyone else think that the police aren't really involved and the OP just couldn't be added with the grief of thia thread any more??
*
*
Yep!!

extinctspecies · 04/01/2018 08:50

The OP doesn't owe anyone on here any updates or explanations, we are not entitled to a conclusion.

^ This.

PidgeonSpray and Jobjobjob you are both really out of order.

Mumsnet does not exist solely for your edification you know.

Rainbowsandflowers78 · 04/01/2018 09:58

Job- I agree. What’s really sad is the length she is going to to not doubt her oh is likely to all backfire on her at some point. I actually feel really sorry for her. This email will be the tip of an iceberg - and most likely not a stalker.

RebelRebel79 · 04/01/2018 10:11

Just to add (if OP) is still reading. Something similar happened to my friend on fab where some random guy messaged and accused him of having an affair with his wife. He’d apparently gone to a hotel in another city on this night (my friends girlfriend knew he was home) and

RebelRebel79 · 04/01/2018 10:13

Oops posted too soon. And he sent a photo of an envelope with my friends (very common) name on as proof?!?! He was very threatening in the message. So my friend did as you did and told them it was being reported to the police as harassment. He didn’t hear anything after that. Very weird though. Like you say - why do people do this!

BothersomeCrow · 04/01/2018 10:31

DH's ex tried claiming she was having an affair with him after we got together. She was reasonably plausible except for ignorance of how long it would take him to drive to her. She then told me and many others she was pregnant by him (conception at a time that would have been incredibly unlikely for him to have seen her) and finally gave up claiming that about 9 months later, which was a relief as people worried she might try acquiring a baby.

PatriciaBateman's story sounds very like her. Best wishes to her and OP.

ShiftyMcGifty · 04/01/2018 12:00

Omg, it’s so clear Lash! Your mother was having an affair and she and your aunt were in on it. They made your poor neighbour think she was having a nervous breakdown, drove her to drink and then called the police on her. Utterly vile. And don’t even try defending her because obviously you were a child and had no idea what was happening. But we can all read between the lines and it’s clear as day. I wonder if you’ve any younger siblings. They’re probably only half siblings you know.

TheTapir · 04/01/2018 12:20

I had a couple of anonymous text messages telling my that my husband was having an affair. One of the times/dates mentioned I knew that he was playing squash with a friend's husband (I checked with her) so, after his denial, I believed him. Why would I believe an anonymous texter more than my husband & partner of 20 years?
Turns out he'd been cheating on me for years.

Jobjobjob · 04/01/2018 18:58

PidgeonSpray and Jobjobjob you are both really^ out of order.

Mumsnet does not exist solely for your edification you know.

Bloody stupid comment! "Really out of order" for stating a THOUGHT!

Celine19 · 21/08/2019 03:45

This happened to me too. But the stranger is someone we don't know with a fake FB account. None of the facts times and dates add up. Why would someone do this?

cantfindname · 21/08/2019 04:31

^ We could ask why anyone would revive a zombie thread that is probably distressing for the OP if she reads it again?

Aberhonddu · 21/08/2019 04:31

@Celine19
Why not start your own thread? As soon as the op said New Years Eve, I checked the date and as it's 18 months old I couldn't be bothered to read any more. So I've no idea what has happened to you too.

Celine19 · 21/08/2019 04:36

Was hoping she might be able to give me some insight, but I'll start a new thread

UJustGotLittUp · 21/08/2019 05:15

@Celine19 Which would have been the sensible thing to do instead of reprising multiple zombie threads which would not only mislead other users but also potentially cause distress to those who initially started the thread years ago.

I'm failing to understand what you wanted to achieve, you could have read the responses to the original user, so why state "I wanted some insight" as you have on multiple threads.

Start your own thread, if others can help - they certainly will.

Celine19 · 21/08/2019 05:19

Yep sorry am new to all of this. Apologies if I offended.

Mothership4two · 21/08/2019 05:25

Cannot believe the nastiness on here. OP wasn't coming across badly - she was getting exasperated with having to repeatedly explain herself again and again. Her first post was pretty clear - she was commenting on the actions of the stranger not her dh. Not only are some of the comments really unpleasant, unsupportive and unhelpful, it's pretty distasteful to arrogantly claim that you know someone better than their wife, someone who is a complete stranger to you and all that you know about them is gleaned from a few lines made by the same wife! And then to continually harangue her for not changing to your point of view while you clomp your hob-nailed boots over the sensitive subject of her husband's fidelity! And to those "I'm right/you'll see" twats - I have no words for your insensitivity and stupidity.

I can only think that a hell of a lot of transference went on in this odd thread - suspicion of dp/dh cheating or past dp/dh cheating perhaps?

Puppy I doubt you are still there, but if you are: I would tighten security and info on both your FB accounts so non-friends can find out very little, block her, and I expect your dh has already blocked her on Linkdin

Mothership4two · 21/08/2019 05:26

ahh zombie

WantingMoreFromLife · 21/08/2019 05:54

Hi OP. My DH (ex as of recently) suffers from a MH disorder where he truly believes I've been cheating. He picked out someone in our neighbourhood as being my 'lover' and then went and saw his wife. He told her to look into it because he was 100% sure her husband was my lover. Some of the 'evidence' he gave her would have been silly stuff like:
I bet your DH loves the songs XXX,YYY because they have turned up on my wife's phone.
He visited their house on three separate occasions until she got the police to come over and talk to my DH.

This is not necessarily the reason this woman has contacted you but just shows you there are all sorts of reasons why people do silly stuff like this.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 21/08/2019 06:37

I’ve had a woman contact me on fb clearly checking up on a cheating boyfriend/husband , I wasn’t the ow she was searching for and I felt sorry for her
But she was polite so deserved a short polite response
I would tread carefully with this woman as she sounds unwell and these things can escalate to serious life threatening stalking v quickly, block and do not respond ASAP

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/08/2019 07:05

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Luckybe40 · 21/08/2019 07:55

Thank you curiousaboutsamphireGrinGrin

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