AIBU to feel left out because I'm not on social media?

[PaxUniversalis]

I don't use social media. I'm not on FB, Twitter, Instagram, Whatsapp, etc.

I feel increasingly left out by friends and family and I think the reason for this is that I have refused to be on social media. 99% of my friends and family - young and old - are on social media and they keep in touch mainly via Facebook.

I'm probably old fashioned but my ways of communicating with people are: face to face, text messaging, email, telephone. In my 'old fashioned' mindset I believe that people have the tools to keep in touch with me: they have my landline number, my mobile number, my email address and my postal address. We all managed to keep in touch with friends and family before social media existed (I'm nearly 50 - just to put things into perspective).

None of my old friends ever get in touch with me spontaneously anymore, except to communicate important messages, like a death or a wedding or such like. I do try and keep in touch with them by sending emails. They do reply to my emails - actually 1 person is very good, she replies very quickly - but the majority of people only reply when it suits them - sometimes this is weeks later! Or they don't reply at all anymore. However, they all seem to be very active on FB and they send FB messages back and forth instantly to others (I know this because a friend of mine showed me the messages on her FB account).
So why do they keep in touch with others on FB but not with me via email? Perhaps I'm not that important to them?

One friend even announced that she was going to get married on FB. I only found out by accident a week or two before the wedding because I happened to be talking to a mutual friend who is on FB. Not good.

I'm talking about old friends here. Most of them know that I'm not on social media yet they never send me an email to say 'hello, how are you' from time to time. I'm always the one sending emails to them. Yes, they do reply - eventually - but It seems to be a one-way street here as I'm always the one doing the instigating.
Very frustrating as a lot of friends and family live hundreds of miles away (in the town where I grew up) so I don't see them a lot during the year.

I still prefer face to face or voice to voice (phone) contact with people if I'm honest. I know I could join social groups if I wanted face to face interaction but I'm a bit disappointed in my family and friends.
AIBU?

It’s entirely your choice not to use other ways to communicate. An email is usually a long document, like a letter. No surprise people might take a few weeks to reply. A messenger contact is much quicker - in theory no more so than a text but if you can use texts you can use messenger! You don’t have to use Facebook to keep in touch.

I've noticed the same thing and am the same age. Maybe you could have a FB profile that's more of a stub, and check it out once a week like a mailbox or let the site push messages to your email when/if certain activities happen (the settings list is quite long). I've got a FB profile out of necessity but it's not in use most of the time. (I can't stand FB messenger so read messages very seldom when online).

You don't have to give up on face to face interaction just accept that the way people communicate has changed. Whatsapp and social media may mean there are fewer phone calls but it also means people share a lot more, more quickly and communicate more regularly. I have a family Whatsapp group which means I know what's happening with family across the world which I wouldn't if I only saw them once a year and a phone call at Christmas.
Social media doesn't replace real contact unless you let it/want it to. Like it or not phone calls and emails are not the primary way people communicate now so if you refuse to keep up you will be left behind. Your choice really.

It's a choice. Your choice. But the way people interact has changed. And it's not going to change back. It's only progressive.

Added: As a matter of fact I don't see thr point of shooting people brief text messages or "liking" their mostly quite uninteresting posts, but the drawback is you're out of the loop...

I don’t think it’s (necessarily) an age thing.

I’m 43 and not technophobic at all. I use computers a lot for work, and have always had fairly decent laptops, iPhones, etc.

I just don’t like what social media has done to communication, and the way it actually makes me dislike people and think they’re vacuous/fake.

Well it's of course entirely up to you. But you've made an active choice not to do social media or download messaging apps. People are not leaving you out, you're actively choosing not to join in.

It's much quicker to ping a quick message to a FB group or through an app like Whatsapp or Snapchat, and everyone can see everyone else's reply. That sort of dynamic conversation cannot be recreated by person A texting everyone, everyone replying, more texts sent seeing if 2pm or 4pm suits better, and whether it's curry or pizza? Takes forever.

So YANBU to choose not to use social media. YABU to moan about feeling left out because others have made different choices.

Just embrace the tech.
My granny used to say stuff like 'Why should we get the leccy when we have perfectly good gas mantles'? Not to me obviously as they got the leccy in 1917.
But I do remember my auntie refusing to 'go on the phone' because 'We have a perfectly good postal service and I prefer talking face to face'.She didn't as she was an anti social so and so.However once she'd had a go on my mum's phone she became a convert.
So same dilemma different times/Horses for courses or whatever bit of nonsense applies.
Get with the tech.You'll love it but best if you have someone under 40 to advise. (I knew my kids would come in handy)

Whatsapp is no different to text messaging.

I don't think it has to do with aversion to technology, because I like new technology but still dislike using FB, especially FB messenger. It's not that I find it hard to use, just that I feel it's superficial and pointless, it's just a waste of time (unlike Mumsnet ).

Middle aged and refuse to do any social media at all. Yes, friendships are lost but such is life.

As a PP said - WhatsApp isn’t “social media” per se, it’s just free texting over wi-fi.

I considered myself too old for the “twitter movement” (born in 81) and this have never tweeted - but was an avid user of Facebook for a good five years before coming off eighteen months ago. I’ve missed pregnancy announcements / birth/ engagements but I don’t care really. They weren’t really friends just people I used to know better and lost touch with.

What I considered a fantastic
friendship crumbled over something posted on Facebook and since then, I’ve decided it’s no longer a tool
I wish to use.

Seriously though, everyone is on WhatsApp - it’s pretty harmless

*thus have never tweeted

I think you are being quite demanding of people. You know how they all choose to communicate and you don't want to do that, which is your choice. But you don't give them the same courtesy at all, do you? You expect them to communicate with you via your chosen methods, which are not theirs, when you won't do the same for them.

Getting annoyed with people for not emailing you when email is not their chosen method is not ok, unless you think its ok for them to be annoyed at you for not using ANY social media?

It´s your choice. But you cannot expect other people to make the same choice as you.

Can't beat them so join them. Or expect to miss out.
I have a WhatsApp group for some friends. One person refuses to join. Which means the rest of us can have a sensible conversation to arrange a night out rather than texts flying all over the place. We then tell her what we've arranged if someone remembers and if she can't make it, then tough. Trying to arrange things with 5/6 people individually is just too difficult and time consuming. I don't have time for 5 phone calls to say when I'm free. Coordinating diaries is bad enough as it is.

As for announcements. My pregnancy was announced on Facebook at 14 weeks, after the scan and tests were back. Everyone close already knew. Ditto, weddings, moving house, holidays etc.
There are people that I don't see often but do care about. Unfortunately I have a job, a child, and a busy life. I juggle constantly and drop balls all the time. So if I didn't put things on Facebook and use group chats then I'd never find time to contact each individual

Life changes. There would be little point in thinking "I only like to listen to music on a cassette tape" or "I only want to watch films on Betamax." You can, of course, choose not to use social media, but you're going to have to accept that it is the preferred method of communication for most of your friends and family. Either accept it and adapt yourself or accept it and put up with having little communication with those people.

I'd say MN is social media to a degree. So you've made a start 😂👍

I'm laughing at your old fashioned ways of communicating _ emailing and texting! How quaint!
Even the telephone was a new fangled invention once!

If people live near me, or within a reasonable distance, then I prefer to see them face to face. It's nice to meet up with friends and have a good natter in person.. Why not use fb to arrange to meet up?

FB, like credit cards, is just a tool. You don't have to be addicted.
Personally I love it!
Through messenger I've had a video call from DS In Oz wishing me happy NY, I am on pages that follow my interests i.e. Walking in the Lake District, walking in Scotland, skiing, mountain biking.
I also follow venues eg Manchester Academy, Deaf institute, to see what gigs are on.
It makes life so much easier to organise things.
If you want to stay behind the times , stay there but dont expect the majority of your friends to use one resource to communicate and then have to do a seperate one for you all all the time.

I agree with the age thing being a red herring. I am older than you and so are a lot of my friends and cousins ( by 2.5 decades in some cases)

I think you have to ask yourself if these people you are keen to keep up with really are your friends?
FB etc give the impression that people have loads of friends but it’s largely insincere fluff and nonsense.
If you want to be part of that join FB. If not then don’t as you aren’t missing much.

Whatsapp is different though. It’s just a text messaging service by another name.

One other thing. I spend my working day answering email after email after email. I really can’t face doing so at home. Hence WhatsApp is my prefer ed approach.

The thing is you can't do face-to-face anyway most of the time if your friends are far away.

There is really not a big deal of difference between typing an email and sending a message via an app, in fact, it's pretty identical.

Facebook is a good way to see family photos etc, I post once there and now everyone has to look there if they want to see them. I was sending to three separate families by email, the photos would be wrongly formatted, difficult to print. Facebook centralizes them in one place.

You don't have to be on Twitter or FB if you don't want, I think it's silly not to be on Whatsapp if your friends are in a group, I used to not be on it but then ended up missing out on info relating to nights out as people forget to email the one person that isn't on it.

I'm not mad keen on some aspects of social media, but like everything, you can use the bits that work for you and leave the rest. You don't have to post pictures of your last meal on FB if you don't want.

As others have said, people have always resisted change. My granny refused to have a fridge in the early 1970s as it was an unecessary luxury. When the council put an indoor toilet and shower room in my aunt's house in the 80s she kept it for visitors and continued to use the outhouse in the yard. She found the shower cubicle useful for storing her mod and broom!

My own mum resisted social media and email for years and complained that she was missing out on family gossip and photos . Eventually we set her up with FB and email on a smartphone and she loves it.

And for people saying social media is fake, it's the people who use it that are fake, not the medium. It's no faker than any other form of communication.

FB etc give the impression that people have loads of friends but it’s largely insincere fluff and nonsense only if you allow it to!

My sister has 10 'friends' on hers. Family members and a couple of friends.
I have a lot of ' friends' but they are grouped into appropriate groups e.g. parents of u16 hockey club, and then keep my main feed open for people that I want to be there.